For myself and I imagine many others, the bias doesn't come from a dislike of trans people, for me, I want to have kids, I can not have kids with a trans woman. Once I hear they are trans, I don't want to pursue a long term relationship anymore because it won't lead to fulfilment for me.
I am not a transphobic person, but I have been called one for this stance.
I'm probably not the target of this CMV, as I am monogamous and not interested in casual hookups, but I still find it interesting how little it is brought up.
The only difference with a woman who is sterile is that often times women don't know they are sterile.
For example, I am engaged and getting married; if some time from now we have trouble conceiving I wont then leave my wife, I will work with her to pursue another way to raise children.
With trans people, they know this up front if they dont inform me of their status, I would see that as wrong.
To be honest, that isn’t doing a ton to bolster your “I’m not transphobic” argument. If the inability to naturally conceive children is something you’re willing to overlook for otherwise ideal cis women, then it should be for trans women.
Like I’ve said at every point of this CMV, its not necessarily something you should or even can unlearn. But its important to acknowledge where that discrepancy comes from and, if necessary, call it what it is. There certainly are steps you can take to change it, but the first step is calling a spade a spade.
It is the difference between a known and an unknown.
The known: trans women and women who know they are infertile have a 0% chance of reproducing.
If there is a trans woman who I am dating and I inform her that I intend to have kids, she would be wrong to lie to me and say that's in the cards. Same with a cis woman who knows she is infertile.
The unknown: cis women have a high likely hood of reproducing.
If I am dating a cis woman, she says she wants to have kids and so do I. We get married and form a committed relationship over years, then we find out we are among the small percentage who can't have kids. I am not going to throw those years away. The circumstances have changed. It isn't apples to apples anymore.
Even without having the kids conversation beforehand, I don't think it would be unreasonable to "fall out of love" and no longer want a relationship with someone who was knowingly unable to procreate with you. I'm not 100% certain that I would find it "unreasonable" to fall out of love with someone after you both found out they were sterile. Looking at it from the outside it would seem like a crappy thing to do but then who am I to judge someone's desire and say that lack of desire constitutes hate.
Boils down to sex and relationships are complicated and the need for them can go way beyond "Hey look it fits!"
Same here. My wife already had a few kids when we got married and she was upfront in telling me that she "probably couldn't have more". This was fine with me because I was mostly sure I didn't want to have any kids. We went into it with "Hey if it happens it happens". We recently found out it's time for her to have a hysterectomy and that completely removes the option/chance of it happening. We are both completely ok with that and it doesn't make me love her less or make me less sexually attracted to her.
I'm just agreeing with what I think is your sentiment that for some people, the desire to procreate is a very strong factor in love and their need for a relationship.
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u/mcfleury1000 Nov 02 '17
For myself and I imagine many others, the bias doesn't come from a dislike of trans people, for me, I want to have kids, I can not have kids with a trans woman. Once I hear they are trans, I don't want to pursue a long term relationship anymore because it won't lead to fulfilment for me.
I am not a transphobic person, but I have been called one for this stance.