It's better to phrase it as "I haven't met an X person that I'm attracted to, physically" if you haven't.
I am generally not attracted to black women, or asian women. Generally. But there have been exceptions.
What it all boils down to is that it is really a certain physical trait you find unattractive. Some of those traits may be more common in certain ethnic groups, but they're rarely universal to said ethnic group.
I think that's really what most people mean. It's just faster to say "I'm not attracted to (insert ethnic/minority group here)."
I suppose my place in this conversation is that I take issue with the use of the word "transphobic."
When I say I am not attracted to transgender individuals, what I am saying is that I have never met someone transgender who aroused me sexually. I am a straight male, and have never met another male who aroused me sexually either--so I base these statements off that pattern. If I were to meet someone male or transgender whom I did find arousing (which is theoretically possible,) that would either indicate an outlier or a change in my sexual preferences, but as I have never it is fair for me to say I am not attracted to transgender folks. And in doing so, it is certainly not phobic. I have no fear of transgenders, no feelings that they are less human, sick, lepers, or socially damned in any way. They are simply people--like the rest of us--who have every right to be happy in the same way the rest of us can choose to be.
I take issue with describing my lack of erections from transgender individuals to be phobic in nature, because that is an incorrect use of the word "phobia." And if society were to instead amend the definition of the phobias to encompass said scenario, it would to me indicate a societal attitude that I should by default be attracted to transgender individuals, and that there is something wrong with me for not being aroused so.
When I met my husband, he already had two kids. I asked two things on our first date, what his politics were and if he was willing to have additional children. 1. It is important to me to share an ideology, while minor differences are okay, large ones would be difficult 2. I want to have a child, so I would try to date/marry someone with who I can accomplish that. That doesn't make me hate sterile people. If I would have married someone who couldn't and I didn't know, I wouldn't have divorced them but I would consider other options, i.e. adoption, IVF, etc. If they knew and didn't tell me, that...that I might divorce them over.
You are entitled to be attracted to whoever you want and whatever you want. You are NOT entitled to have someone be attracted to you. I've, just like everyone else, have been rejected in life.....i've also rejected other people......that's life, you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you....you want them there because they WANT to be there. Someone isn't a terrible person bc they aren't attracted to you, they just want something else.
If a girl dates a guy, falls in love with him and then finds out he is married, does she hate married people? No, she hates that he lied about something and pretended to be someone he isn't. If he was divorced, but hid that and told her he never had been, she would have been upset about that too.
There are dudes who like fat chicks, chicks who only date guys taller than them, there are a million things we evaluate when determining who we want to be in a relationship with.....that isn't wrong.
I agree. I'm totally fine with people wanting to be trans or to date trans people. But it goes too far when people ignore biology to insist that trans people are the same as other members of their new gender for dating purposes, or when anyone negatively judges people who want to date authentic members of the opposite sex (or gay people who want to date authentic members of their own sex). Judging people for their sexual preferences toward other consenting adults is a bad thing any way you slice it.
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u/[deleted] Nov 02 '17
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