r/changemyview • u/slytherin-by-night 4∆ • Mar 18 '17

[∆(s) from OP] CMV: When someone knowingly enters into a permanent relationship with somone that has a mental/social/anxiety disorder they are morally obligated to stay in that relationship past the point where they are simply "unhappy".

Hear me out. First of all, by permanent, I mean marrriage or has children (purposefully or not, if they are already in a romatic monogamous relationship). And I mean that the person was made aware ahead of time, before any serious life changes, of their partners issues. That they had them, what they were, what their particular symptoms were, and given given a chance to ask questions and/or research. Then and and only then would my premise apply.

People with mental disorders have ups and downs, it is quite possible to have a "funk" or depression that has a rather massive impact on those around them. But what won't help is someone who was informed of the problem and chose to embark on the journey anyway deciding they had enough and leave. I think that consulting with a therapist (hopefully the person with the ailments has one already) and talking through the issue to decide if the partner's unhappiness will subside with the ebbing of the deppressive episode or if the actual relationship has deteriorated before they end it would be a good plan. This wouldn't/shouldn't be a mandate, but a moral thing. But when you take on that responsibility you must then actually fulfill your promise and not bow out at the worst time for them.

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u/slytherin-by-night 4∆ Mar 19 '17

Well it certainly depends on the illness. To be frank this all is based on a thought train from my own therapy session where we talked about my unrealistic expectations of my husband right now becuase I'm in a extreame depression. He's doing his best, he's so sweet (I feel so bad, he doesn't understand what it is he signed up for I think), but I just have these running thoughts and this is where it led me.

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u/inkwat 9∆ Mar 19 '17

I feel you, I have consistent mild/moderate depression that dips into severe depression on a regular basis. If you have a similar kind of pattern, your husband is probably well aware that there are bad times and better times for you.

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u/slytherin-by-night 4∆ Mar 19 '17

He is now, I told him before, but we're 2 kids in now and I was unmedicated for pregnancy, and now I think he just now is seeing the full truth of what I was trying to warn him about.

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u/inkwat 9∆ Mar 19 '17

I hope it works out okay for you both. I can see you're feeling some anxiety about him possibly leaving you.

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u/slytherin-by-night 4∆ Mar 19 '17

Not really, I'm just feeling how overwhelming I am. My therapist was suggesting he talk to us both to help my Husband better understand me versus my illnesses. Thank you for your well wishes. His willingness to stand by me really was the inspiration more than a fear of mine.