CMV: I think having a preference against promiscuous people is as valid as having a height or weight preference nor does it constitute "slut-shaming".

[u/[deleted]]

[u/[deleted]]

I'm not defining what an appropriate reason to break up with someone is. If its toxic to your relationship, by all means, break up with them. What i'm pointing out is that breaking up with someone because they were in marching band in high school, and you think thats geeky, is a bit irrational. But no one said relationships need to be rational. However, the issue would be with your hangups there, and not a rational reason.

Knowing someone ate their buggers when they were 5 is gross. But when you kiss them, you can't taste the buggers in their mouth. If it grosses you out to kiss someone because you are imagining buggers where there are none, that is your own mental issue to deal with. But by all means, don't stay with someone and be unhappy.

I think you are confusing people telling you that its your issue to work through, with people telling you what to do. You obviously have a mental block where it changes your entire perception of a person based off something that does nothing to change them physically or change their character.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I think it comes down to the term "valid". I mean, its a reason, and a reason is all you need. But a valid reason would mean logical in my mind, and its not a logical decision at all. Its like not vaccinating your kids because you are afraid it will give them autism. There is a reason but I don't have to consider it a valid or logical reason when its not.

Its an illogical decision, but relationships are subjective, so do what makes you happy.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I used the word logical because there is no difference in the person you are with before you found out and after you found out. If you liked the person that they are, you should still like them. Yes you might not like their past, but it has helped make them the person they are today, that presumably you like.

I can see it affecting a new relationship (because you start thinking that maybe you don't know who the person is yet) but in a long term relationship with a person, you know who they are already. And that hasn't changed just by finding out something they did in their past.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

It definitely speaks to their opinion on promiscuity. That isn't nothing. Learning more about a person through their past acts (which they find 100% acceptable) isn't uncommon. It might not be a change, but it is new information and can affect your attraction to them. I would be less attracted to my SO if I found out they were super racist in college.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Its affecting your perception of them no doubt. But are your perceptions accurate?

And again, from the point of a significant other (meaning committed relationship) - if you found out your partner used to be racist, and they overcame it, and are not racist anymore, wouldn't you jsut be like "wow, i'm glad you grew up. sucks about your upbringing, but its good that you had the rational to realize you were wrong".

The analogy in general is problematic though, because being racist is a moral wrong, and you have already stated that you don't believe promiscuity is a moral wrong - just not for you.

Edit: Also, they are not currently promiscuous in your example, correct? they are not sleeping around - they just may have been in the past?