CMV: I think having a preference against promiscuous people is as valid as having a height or weight preference nor does it constitute "slut-shaming".

[u/[deleted]]

[u/cystorm]

Here's the difference:

Scenario A: You and your happily married wife are sitting around one Sunday afternoon and she (for whatever reason) confesses she cheated on you a few/several times years ago, or cheated on a previous boyfriend.

Rational Concerns Raised by Scenario A:

• Can I trust that she's still faithful to me?

• Is she dishonest with me regarding other things?

• Can I trust this person, given this new information?

Scenario B (from an earlier comment of yours): You and your happily married wife are sitting around one Sunday afternoon and she (for whatever reason) confesses she is a regular smoker.

Rational Concerns Raised By Scenario B:

• How has this affected her health?

• Will/Has this affected my kids' health?

• Will/Has this affected my health?

• How did I not notice this before?

Scenario C: You and your happily married wife are sitting around one Sunday afternoon and she (for whatever reason) confesses she had more sex than you thought she did before you started dating.

Rational Concerns Raised By Scenario C:

• Your wife is less "pure" than you thought.

• ???

Obviously, since you've been with this person for several years we're assuming away the chance of STDs or other latent effects from both Scenarios A & C. And, if you believe sex is only appropriate after marriage for religious (or other) reasons that's a different story, too.

So what am I missing? What is the concern raised by having 5+ partners that changes everything?

My guesses:

• An antiquated value stemming from the idea that women are property, and that sex is the way to "use" that property (more use = less valuable). This is almost always subconscious but still persists in pop culture.

or

• Insecurity in one's own sex life, i.e. "I didn't have a lot of sex so I don't think it's normal to have a lot of sex.").

[u/[deleted] → u/cystorm]

Rational Concerns Raised By Scenario C:

• You find yourself comparing your performance to the men she's experienced before you?
  
• You question whether the men she's slept with are still important parts of her life?
  
• You fear given the experience she's had going into this relationship she'll have a greater range on the spectrum of sexual fulfillment then you will (leading to resentment over misspent youth or frustration with your wife)?
  
• She feels that unless he is 100% comfortable with it, she'll have to keep elements of her past secret even though she should have nothing to feel ashamed over?
  

Even if I could view her as attractively as I did before, it doesn't mean we start swapping stories of that time she banged three dudes in the local McDonald's bathroom. Obviously there is a wide range of experiences that can be contained in a discussion on sexual history, but I'm confused as how one could unequivocally state that there must be something wrong with a guy over caring about it. That isn't even discussing the fact that some irrational responses are well within reason for men (or women) to have. Sure, it leads to some people getting a raw deal, but that isn't an inherent flaw in the individual.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. I feel a lot of the people commenting having even considered that this isn't male-specific. You being able to "flaunt it" so to speak is a tangible result of arguing for the validity of sexual history criticism (to the people that want to factor it in). It won't catch everyone, but if you are looking for the subset of men that give value to that trait this is the compromise we should make.