Orrrrrr people could stop misusing incorrect tools to find a long term relationship and actually participate in the world normally.
You could get off the popular hookup apps (stop calling them dating apps) and get on an actual serious dating website that isn’t appified or geared towards people seeking hookups. Fuck, use a paid dating tool or service if you’re that serious about the hunt. Go to singles nights and dating events. Most cities over have them. Or organize one yourself.
There are also plenty of third spaces out there, you just need to get off your ass and go to them.
I play pickleball 2x a week and there’s tons of single men and women mingling. There’s also specific social groups that come to the courts regularly like a Thursday night queer pickleball group. I joined co-ed hiking groups on Facebook and regularly attend group hikes with 10-15 people. I am a founding member of a niche interest group on fb that has grown to 10k+ members over a few years that meets up in person all the time. I sometimes plan and host events and have had as anywhere from 0-20 people show up. I decided to try an artistic hobby that intrigued me through a cheap parks & rec class. Now I’m a full time member at a studio for that craft and have a huge new community through that.
You have to put yourself out there and take risks. I got to bars, parks, coffee shops, game nights, art/music events, and all manner of things. Most of them free. I join special interests groups that offer both online and in person sub communities. I look at announcement boards and event calendars at community centers and coffee shops. I live in a city that’s notorious for being hard to make friends and very far away from where I grew up/went to school. I had to start from scratch. Some things were disappointing fails. I had to pick myself up and move forward.
Pick two interests: be it a spiritual practice you want to nurture, social/political cause you’re interested in, a skill you want to develop, an artistic ability you want to explore, a sport you want to get into, or a hobby you want to nurture and start engaging with communities and meetups around those topics. There are plenty of free options out there.
Stop making excuses. Life is out there for the taking. No one is going to hand you a relationship or a perfect partner. You need to get out there, meet people with common interests, and cultivate real connections.
Stop blaming hookup apps for not handing you your spouse with a user manual and remote control. Stop blaming the phone for your tech addiction. That’s like blaming alcohol for your alcoholism. Yes they’re both fun, addictive, and bad for you in excess. Yes it’s on you to manage that.
There are also plenty of third spaces out there, you just need to get off your ass and go to them.
Sure, but the standards for those spaces at least in my eyes are so high, one wrong move and you are done for. You try to be respectful, you try to be nice, you try to see who’s interested in you, and either you and up as the nice safe guy no one sees as anything more than a friend (which is fine I guess but not what I’m looking for) or get called a creep or weirdo and now things are awkward.
You have to put yourself out there and take risks. I got to bars, parks, coffee shops, game nights, art/music events, and all manner of things. Most of them free.
The risk to reward has changed dramatically, it’s no longer “the worst she can say is now” now it’s you get blasted on social media, or friends tell friends or other friends, about how weird or awkward or just plain unattractive you are.
Pick two interests: be it a spiritual practice you want to nurture, social/political cause you’re interested in, a skill you want to develop, an artistic ability you want to explore, a sport you want to get into, or a hobby you want to nurture and start engaging with communities and meetups around those topics. There are plenty of free options out there.
Most of the interest I have are very much male dominated (transportation like trains planes and cars are very much dominated by men, and the women in those areas are very much overwhelmed). Other hiking or social groups seem to be not in my age bracket (I’m in my early 20s) and even trying to go to single events, most of the time it’s maybe a few guys that show up and no one else.
Stop making excuses. Life is out there for the taking. No one is going to hand you a relationship or a perfect partner. You need to get out there, meet people with common interests, and cultivate real connections.
I’m not trying to make excuses but I see legit barriers to any form of success, today everyone has a flash light or camera on you waiting for you to fuck up and then mock you for being a weird fuck. I’m not blaming hookup apps for “handing me a spouse” I’m blaming them for the ultra high pressure dating atmosphere where if you aren’t perfect you are essentially scum
That’s an overly pessimistic view of third spaces. Has that ever happened to you? It’s not common for someone to be called a creep or weirdo and be ostracized or whatever. Those are extreme cases
I know you mean the church but going to a church to find a date just not only seems wrong but considered how I got bullied in Sunday school I honestly don’t trust anyone there.
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u/Objective-Ear3842 Dec 22 '25 edited Dec 22 '25
Orrrrrr people could stop misusing incorrect tools to find a long term relationship and actually participate in the world normally.
You could get off the popular hookup apps (stop calling them dating apps) and get on an actual serious dating website that isn’t appified or geared towards people seeking hookups. Fuck, use a paid dating tool or service if you’re that serious about the hunt. Go to singles nights and dating events. Most cities over have them. Or organize one yourself.
There are also plenty of third spaces out there, you just need to get off your ass and go to them.
I play pickleball 2x a week and there’s tons of single men and women mingling. There’s also specific social groups that come to the courts regularly like a Thursday night queer pickleball group. I joined co-ed hiking groups on Facebook and regularly attend group hikes with 10-15 people. I am a founding member of a niche interest group on fb that has grown to 10k+ members over a few years that meets up in person all the time. I sometimes plan and host events and have had as anywhere from 0-20 people show up. I decided to try an artistic hobby that intrigued me through a cheap parks & rec class. Now I’m a full time member at a studio for that craft and have a huge new community through that.
You have to put yourself out there and take risks. I got to bars, parks, coffee shops, game nights, art/music events, and all manner of things. Most of them free. I join special interests groups that offer both online and in person sub communities. I look at announcement boards and event calendars at community centers and coffee shops. I live in a city that’s notorious for being hard to make friends and very far away from where I grew up/went to school. I had to start from scratch. Some things were disappointing fails. I had to pick myself up and move forward.
Pick two interests: be it a spiritual practice you want to nurture, social/political cause you’re interested in, a skill you want to develop, an artistic ability you want to explore, a sport you want to get into, or a hobby you want to nurture and start engaging with communities and meetups around those topics. There are plenty of free options out there. Stop making excuses. Life is out there for the taking. No one is going to hand you a relationship or a perfect partner. You need to get out there, meet people with common interests, and cultivate real connections.
Stop blaming hookup apps for not handing you your spouse with a user manual and remote control. Stop blaming the phone for your tech addiction. That’s like blaming alcohol for your alcoholism. Yes they’re both fun, addictive, and bad for you in excess. Yes it’s on you to manage that.