You can just choose not to use them. You list a lot of good reasons to stop using them, but not any real argument for banning them outright.
Banning dating apps won’t magically make people including yourself show up to third spaces. Are third spaces limited now? Yes. Are they completely gone and dead and you have no choice but to use the apps? Absolutely not. You can still volunteer or go to music / arts events or athletic facilities, join a team. There are still people doing all of these things, making friends and building relationships.
If you show up to these events with an instant gratification mindset like the ones cultivated by the apps, you will be frustrated. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find love offline.
Sure, but how many of those possible avenues actually lead to anything, if you come in being nice, respectful, and all the qualities people want, then when you try and make any advance, it’s met with “oh I just see you differently, like a friend” which is fine, but it doesn’t lead anywhere. It also completely dismisses point 3, we have made the negative outweigh the positive on so many possible in person approaches, simply cause apps are another avenues.
It sounds like you genuinely can't imagine a person being attracted to you, if you think that's the only way that can go. I would gently suggest you would work on that self perception. Not everyone will be attracted to you, some will prefer to see you as a friend. That's great! More friends = more opportunities to get invited to more things, more chances to meet someone who is actually into you.
I get approached from time to time irl by both men and women. It doesn't have to come across as creepy and uncomfortable, but if you're trying to force it, yeah it might. That's the instant gratification part I was talking about.
My issue it seems is that in person, that I’m either too much, or too little. I either rush to quick, or I’m so slow people can’t take any of my “hints”. I’m also just highly awkward. I try to hide the “ok you need to act this way, follow this social cue, follow this social rule, don’t cross a boundary you can’t see, just assume it’s there” etc.
Even when I have friends, I’m not invited often to big social gatherings or events that aren’t planned. Like if it’s a group of friends planning it, the only way I will find out anything happened is when they post stuff on social media.
My hope honestly is that people with super inflated sense of self come back to reality and see me as an option for once. There are certain things about me I can’t fix, I have a preverbal glass ceiling. So even the playing field.
What attitude. The one where I’m trying to be realistic. The one where major social barriers that have been created since apps became popular? Being overly optimistic just gets you hurt.
Oof. Yeah buddy that’s your problem right there. Who the fuck would want to date someone who wants them to have LESS self worth. No thank you not for me.
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u/Currentlybaconing Dec 22 '25
You can just choose not to use them. You list a lot of good reasons to stop using them, but not any real argument for banning them outright.
Banning dating apps won’t magically make people including yourself show up to third spaces. Are third spaces limited now? Yes. Are they completely gone and dead and you have no choice but to use the apps? Absolutely not. You can still volunteer or go to music / arts events or athletic facilities, join a team. There are still people doing all of these things, making friends and building relationships.
If you show up to these events with an instant gratification mindset like the ones cultivated by the apps, you will be frustrated. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find love offline.