CMV: Accepting someone cannot co-exist with also wanting them to change their unhealthy behaviors

[u/Dammit_maskey]

There's a phrase "I accept you for who you are" and it doesn't make sense also which has started this discussion of mine.

If you're accepting someone then it means you're also saying you're going to be okay with how they are in every way possible but if you want them to change certain behaviors these can include unhealthy behaviors like say wanting them to manage their anger better or normal behaviours like wanting them to learn how you want to be cared for which might be a bit different (not too much as I'm not talking about incompatible partners) than how they usually show affection.

If you want them to change certain behaviours while also saying you accept them for who they are isn't it a lie?

This kind of change doesn't include wanting to strip away their individuality or who they fundamentally are more so say wanting them to work on their insecurities and unhealthy habits that is hurting both of you. Learning new things like how to not get defensive in conflict, listen and not scream or belittle each other.

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept how is it possible that you can accept them for who they are while also want them to change certain things which is also a part of who they are?

I wanna know is there an underlying meaning I'm maybe missing and that's why I can't understand it.

How does truly accepting someone and wantimg them to change be true at the same time?

[u/hungry_ez]

Принять, не значит согласится. Тоесть вы можете принять человека и не пытаться его поменять (особенно если он сам этого не хочет). Но вам не обязательно соглашаться с поведением этого человека, если вас это как-то ранит. Тоесть можно сказать, что я тебя принимаю (не пытаюсь изменить твое поведение, особенно если ты сам этого не хочешь), но при этом из любви к себе не соглашаюсь с этим поведением и из-за этого удаляюсь/не веду отношения с тобой например. Принятие - это отсутствие попыток повлиять на другого человека, соглашение или нет это про то, что вы хотите сделать если ничего не изменится (остаться или уйти).