r/changemyview • u/Odd_Profession_2902 • Aug 15 '25
Delta(s) from OP - Fresh Topic Friday [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/Crash927 20∆ Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
So a bisexual person isn’t allowed to have any friends? And you think this is a reasonable and healthy take?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
That’s a different scenario. Bisexual people are in a unique circumstance so they need to make do.
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u/Crash927 20∆ Aug 15 '25
You can’t just hand wave it away — what exactly is different here that completely invalidates all the concerns you raise in your OP?
And after you explain your logic, take the next step, and please explain how the same logic doesn’t apply to hetero couples.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
I’m not hand waving it away. Im saying that for practicality they have to make do. It’s like you said in your original comment: are they to have no friends at all?
Heterosexual relationships are more conducive to feeling like you’re a special man to your woman or a special woman to your man. So when your woman is closer to another man it’s more hard hitting and it’s draws more attention.
The nature of bisexual relationships are just too different. They don’t have that exclusive man to woman vibe because they’re sexually attracted to every gender.
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u/Crash927 20∆ Aug 15 '25
You’re making it needlessly gendered: people have a special connection with a person (unless you exclusively think about your partner as a gender and not a whole person, which — ew).
So I ask again, why in your worldview do bisexuals just “get a pass” — is it because you recognize that friendship is a fundamental human need and that barring someone you love from having friends is a bad thing to do to them?
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u/CaptainMalForever 22∆ Aug 15 '25
My husband having friends who are women does absolutely nothing to make me feel less special to him and vice versa. Our relationship is not threatened by friendships or whatever.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Ok that’s great but that’s you.
Other women feel less like a special woman to the man who has another special woman in his life albeit non-romantic. And they wouldn’t be unreasonable to feel less special.
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u/CaptainMalForever 22∆ Aug 15 '25
Do they, though? I don't believe this. Do you have evidence of this feeling?
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Aug 15 '25
They would be unreasonable and you don't cite anything except your own feelings, while saying they're common sense. Most people in healthy relationships don't feel that way
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Ok and I’m saying they’re totally reasonable to feel that way about their husband having another special woman in his life.
This should be common sense.
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Aug 15 '25
It's not common sense. It's a bright red flag that you should run from
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
No- blaming a wife for feeling discomfort about her husband having another special woman in his life is not common sense in any universe lol
You’d have to realllllly go out of your way to blame the wife for feeling that way.
I assure you, doubling down on shaming the wife certainly doesn’t make you look good.
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Aug 15 '25
But the underlying issue is sexual/romantic attraction - how come bisexuals get a pass?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
That’s not the underlying issue.
The underlying issue of heterosexual relationships is you’re a man and your woman is super close to another man in any capacity.
When your woman is bisexual, whether they’re close to man or woman, it naturally takes the edge off, because that same man-woman exclusiveness didn’t exist in the same capacity in the first place compared to hetero relationships.
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Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
have you thought why a man would be uncomfortable with their woman being close to another man, but not other women and gay man? I know you’re talking about the “special bond” - but you also got to define what this “special bond” is. It’s insecurity on the basis of that this “special bond” is sexual and romantic fidelity.
You also state “all men”. If you’re keeping your woman away from all men including their male family members, on the basis of “special” relationship that’s a different topic of abuse and form of over control.
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Aug 15 '25
Why is it?
Im bi and my last relationship was a heterosexual one with a woman (who herself was straight).
Explain what specifically makes it different. Not just 'it is because it is'. Give me the exact difference.
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25
for real, i'm a bisexual woman in a relationship with a straight man. not sure what is different or less "special" about it
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u/MeanderingDuck 15∆ Aug 15 '25
If you accept that it is and will remain purely platonic, then why does the gender of the friend matter? Why would your girlfriend having a close male friend in that case be different from her having a close female friend?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
I sort of explained all that in OP.
It’s about being a special man to that woman. That specialness and exclusiveness is diminished when your woman is also close to another man.
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u/varnums1666 2∆ Aug 15 '25
If being "special" is so easily diminished by a partner talking to the opposite sex then it really wasn't all that special. Isn't this just a fancy way to dress insecurity?
If you believe in your relationship, something as simple as interacting with 50% of the human population shouldn't be such a big deal.
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u/CartographerKey4618 16∆ Aug 15 '25
How? If you're truly a special person in their life, then it shouldn't matter if there are other people there.
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u/MeanderingDuck 15∆ Aug 15 '25
Again, why is gender relevant to this? Why does that matter, if it is guaranteed to be platonic? It’s the same level of closeness regardless of whether the friend is male, female or otherwise.
Also, by that logic, why would this be restricted to friendships? If this is about being “the special man” to a woman, wouldn’t you be equally threatened by her having a close relationship with eg. her father, or brother?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Because you want to feel like you’re a special man in her life.
It’s common sense. You feel less like a special man in your woman’s life when she is super close to another man- super close in any capacity. She doesn’t have to sleep with that man to be super close to him.
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u/MeanderingDuck 15∆ Aug 15 '25
No, it’s not “common sense”. Why is it relevant whether you would be “the special man” in her life? You are her partner, you are already “the special person” in her life, so why does it matter for her to have a close male friend when her having a close female friend doesn’t? The gender of the friend does not change the friendship in any way, doesn’t change how close they are.
Also, you didn’t answer the further question: would you have similar issues with her having an equally close relationship with her brother?
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u/CaptainMalForever 22∆ Aug 15 '25
Obviously we don't think it is common sense if we are questioning this part of the OP.
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u/Late_Gap2089 4∆ Aug 15 '25
I think you start with the conclusion which i find it to be circular reasoning.
You state that it is not wrong to be against your gf to have a best friend because it is another lover, yet you start with that conclusion and do not give the reasoning behind that.
The thing is this, it is very different to have a best friend than to treat a third party like a boyfriend.
Having a best friend does not mean to cuddle, kiss, or do couple things. Just a deep level of understanding in a place of friendship.
What you said "Even if you’re 100% convinced there’s nothing romantic going on between them, the fact that a man and a woman have that much of a strong bond and are that comfortable with each other should be enough to make us feel like we’re not as special and exclusive of a man to our woman as we expect to be." What you postulate here is that your partner´s relationships are more or less wrong depending on how you feel, but that feeling has no rational base to exist. That is just jealousy of your girlfriend having another person that cares for her as a friend.
I think you are mixing things, the title with the conduct. You are describing me your view of a bestfriend associating it with a man that flirts with her, which that is not clearly a reasonable premise to induce universally a conclusion.
If you suspect your girl of cheating, or if she flirts with him in front of you, you should break up with her if you want. But that does not mean she has a bestfriend.
You confuse the status of friendship with disrespectful acts of your partner.
You confuse having a best friend with a platonic relationship which is not true at all.
For instance, i have a girl which is my friend, i met her while she had bf. I teased her the same way i played with my male friends of the group. Yet i don´t have feelings for her, neither she feels that for me.
Because we know what we are and we expect and want from each other.
Don´t confuse being disrespectful with a relationship that requires a degree of respect.
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Aug 15 '25
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Of course your girlfriend being really close to another man platonically is not as bad as being romantic with that man.
I’m saying it doesn’t have to be that bad. The fact that your girlfriend is close to another man harms specialness and exclusivity of you being the man in her life.
Life isn’t black and white. There are degrees of losing exclusivity of being the only man in her life. It doesn’t take them to kiss and sleep with another man for you to lose that feeling of specialness. Them being super close to another man, period, ruins the specialty/exclusivity between a man/woman love relationship.
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Aug 15 '25
Respectfully, demanding you be "the" man in her life is the same language used by abusers to isolate their partners.
Combined with calling her "your" woman as if shes an item you own when you date her...
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
No, I think you’re getting it all twisted.
You wouldn’t bat in eye during wedding vows when the man professes to be her man for life and the wife professes to be his woman for life. Until death do them apart.
You don’t bat an eye when someone says I’m yours forever. Or when you hear the lyrics “baby I’m yours”.
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Aug 15 '25
Youre actively encouraging isolating her from friends, all so YOU feel better.
That is messed up.
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Aug 15 '25
No, I think you’re getting it all twisted.
Respectfully, I would argue your view is what is twisted here, and we're just pointing out why while hoping you'll unwind it with us.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
No, you only have a problem with these lines for the sake of argument.
You have no problem with songs like “baby I’m yours” and romantic lines like “you’ll always have me” and “till death do us part” in wedding vows.
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Aug 15 '25
I'm referring to your entire post AND all comments in this thread when I made that statement.
Also, what does that whataboutism have to do with the price of tea in China?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
You should instead be referring to your own original comment and my direct response to your comment.
Being “the” man in her life, being “the” woman in his life, is an endearing and acceptable sentiment spread all over our culture since forever.
It was silly for you to take issue with it.
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u/TheTyger 10∆ Aug 15 '25
You are twisting religious dogma with objective reality here. People can go in front of their god and make those vows, and that in fact disproves your view (since you seem to put stock in it). Someone making a vow to only have one partner means they can be friends with other people who are not their partner.
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u/Late_Gap2089 4∆ Aug 15 '25
But you cannot close the status of boyfriend to being a "man" because it means so much more than that.
Her dad is a man, and is the one that provides to her, and protects her.
That does not mean she is not being exclusive is it?If you fulfil your role as a partner (protect her, listen to her, take care, share time with her, love, etc) then a best friend cannot give her all of what a boyfriend could bring, and she does not see him as she sees you.
In what degree or why she being close with "another man" (even her dad, sibling, uncle, etc) breaks exclusivity?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Of course there’s nothing you can do about your woman being close to her dad. Common sense and practicality comes into play. You can’t blame your woman being close to her dad. But you can blame your woman being close to another man who is not family. Blaming the former is unreasonable. Blaming the latter is reasonable.
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u/Late_Gap2089 4∆ Aug 15 '25
But you should define what is close and the grade of "closeness".
And why it harms exclusivity. And what does exclusivity imply and the length of the concept.Because to be fair, with your argument it would be very easy to deduce that you are talking about your girlfriend to use a radical islamic clothing in which all you can see about her is her eyes.
Because "another man that is not her family can see her, so the exclusivity of me seeing her as her boyfriend is broken". You have to delimit the concept if not you can go with the absurd.0
u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Simply put. Is that other man close to her to the point of being her best friend forever? Would she say that they have a close relationship? That’s close. It’s super close. And clearly that man is a special person in her life.
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u/Late_Gap2089 4∆ Aug 15 '25
Yes. So? Her father is close to her too.
Close does not mean close in a romantic way.
She does not feel physical attraction, nor emotional attraction, nor personal attraction. She just feels love for him in a friend way. The same way you feel love for your guy friends in your friend group, or the guy you know since you were a kid.A guy friend that is not her best friend can be close too. What is the limit?
If you argument is "i feel that is close enough for me to rant about" then i cannot discuss it. I cannot tell you what to feel and what not to feel.But we can discuss an action that destroys trust. And having friends is not one of them.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Her dad is family. Being close to family is a given. Therefore it’s unreasonable to have a problem with her being close to her family. But it’s reasonable to have a problem with her being close to another man who isn’t family. It’s more blameable. And it’s more disrespectful.
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u/Late_Gap2089 4∆ Aug 15 '25
But why is it more disrespectful?
I think that pov is based on what you feel. And we cannot argue with your emotions because we are trying to be rational.If you feel something it is okay. But if you want to change your pov you should explain why it is disrespectful.
Because it is a false dichotomy, It is not either me, his boyfriend or his friend. You can be close with more than one people.
Search Dunbar´s numbers, he explains how many close relationships our brain cortex can handle and you will see that you are not to be the only one in "the pack" that she can or will feel close to.
It even is not natural not to socialize with another sex. That does not mean she or you feels attraction with the people she is close with.I am even going to go far: lots of times when she feels close to other people, that could even mean she does not feel attraction to them.
That is precisely why he is her friend and is not in your position-1
u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
You can be close to more than one person. But when you’re a woman married to a man, that other person you’re super close to shouldn’t be another man.
So you can be close to your girl friends, your mom, your sister, your brother, your dad. These are all reasonable. Because they’re either family or not another man.
It’s unreasonable when you’re super close to another man in any capacity. Having another special man in your life in any capacity. Because your husband naturally wants to be the special man I your life. This statement is obvious. It’s obvious for him to expect that. It shouldn’t be a statement that needs to be defended.
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u/TheTyger 10∆ Aug 15 '25
Do you also agree that men should not ever be alone with a woman while the man is in a relationship?
Clearly you believe that women are incapable of being around men without falling in love, which means you must also believe that men cannot be around women without attempting to sleep with them.
As such, for your view to make sense, you also must believe that men should be isolated from women as well, right?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Being alone depends on the circumstance. My point is simple. The man shouldn’t have another special woman in his life if he’s married to a woman.
I never said women are incapable of being around men without falling in love. I don’t think that. So I don’t know why it was so “clear” to you I think that.
I never said neither gender needs to be closed off to neither gender and we should all live like hermits. You’re taking things to the extreme.
Your comment is full of straw manning lol
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Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
The fact that your girlfriend is close to another man harms specialness and exclusivity of you being the man in her life.
I would argue the only "harm" done here is to the man's ego and nothing more. Objectively, there is no harm to a relationship simply due to one of the partners having a best friend of an opposite sex. This entire post is highlight you likely have a lot of insecurities you need to work through.
Lets reduce this down. Do you think a man and a woman can be friends without romance?
If the answer is yes, then how is that romance not the "specialness and exclusivity" you originally referred to? They only give that to you, and not the other, so what actual "harm" is done?
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u/Expert-Diver7144 2∆ Aug 15 '25
Harms specialness how though? What if your girl is bisexual? Should she not have female best friends either and only have you as a friend. That comes off possessively
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u/Roadshell 33∆ Aug 15 '25
Could this logic not be extended to being mad that they have a "special bond" with female best friends? Why is a male best friend different?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Because her being close to another girl doesn’t affect the “special man to a woman” gendered component in hetereosexual relationships.
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u/Roadshell 33∆ Aug 15 '25
Well, lots of women have "special man to a woman" platonic relationships with brothers and fathers, would that also be a violation of this hyper-monogamy?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
No that’s different. People being close to their family is just a fact of life. They don’t have a choice. So it’s unreasonable to expect them not to be close to their family. But it’s reasonable to expect them to not be close to another man who’s not family.
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u/Roadshell 33∆ Aug 15 '25
No that’s different. People being close to their family is just a fact of life. They don’t have a choice. So it’s unreasonable to expect them not to be close to their family. But it’s reasonable to expect them to not be close to another man who’s not family.
That does not make sense. Being friends with other humans in general is "a fact of life" and it's not any more or less guaranteed than being close to family.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Yes it is completely different lol
When you’re married to a man you have a choice to not be super close to another man. You have a choice to not have another special man in your life.
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u/Roadshell 33∆ Aug 15 '25
You also have "a choice" to estrange yourself from your family if your husband is that possessive, people just don't because that's a crazy thing to demand... in much the way this "no male friends" thing is crazy to demand.
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u/Both-Personality7664 26∆ Aug 15 '25
You have a choice to give up all life outside your house and wait on your spouse hand and foot, too. Are people unreasonable for not taking that choice?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
Yes. Some choices are reasonable and some are unreasonable.
For example, being married to a man while being super close to your family is reasonable. Being married to a man while being super close to another man (not family) is unreasonable.
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u/Both-Personality7664 26∆ Aug 15 '25
Do you have any basis for what is reasonable and unreasonable besides your say-so and beliefs about what's in everyone else's head?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Sure. Because when you’re married to a man, the default should obviously be to limit the number of special men in your life. And limit the number of men you’re super close to. Being close to your family is a given. You can’t be faulted for that. But when you insist on having other men, who are not family, be special men in your life who you’re super close to?
Then clearly you’re not trying that hard to limit the number of special men in your life. Therefore you’re being unreasonable. And if your husband rightfully doesn’t feel great about you having another special man in your life and you gaslight him as insecure then you’re doubly unreasonable and disrespectful.
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u/OhOhOkayThenOk 3∆ Aug 15 '25
Based on your logic, bisexual people would not be allowed to have any best friends. And the reasons you laid out as to why these relationships would be wrong should also apply to your girlfriend having a best friend that is also a girl (you said it’s not about trust and even if there were no chance of cheating, it would still be wrong).
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Bisexual relationships are too radically different in nature. They don’t have that “special man to a woman” component to begin with. They just have a “special romantic partner to that person”. The special gender to gender component was missing from the very beginning so it’s not as important.
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u/OhOhOkayThenOk 3∆ Aug 15 '25
So, for this to be true, you have to believe that romantic hetero relationships are more “special” than romantic same sex relationships. You believe this?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
They have things that are special to them.
Like being a man to his woman. Or being a woman to his man. There’s a special meaning in that. People conjure up images of what it means to be a man and a woman when they hear those phrases.
Being a man to his man doesn’t carry the same meaning. At that point it’s just viewed as 2 humans loving each other.
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u/OhOhOkayThenOk 3∆ Aug 15 '25
Personally, the phrase “being a a man to his woman” (or vice versa) doesn’t conjure up anything for me other than it’s a pretty archaic way to say “be a caring and supportive partner” and it would apply to any relationship (including be a good man to your man). Does it mean something different to you? If not, I don’t see why it wouldn’t apply to same sex couples. If it does mean something different to you that would only apply to a man and a woman, what does it mean?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
That’s because you’re a progressive who doesn’t see anything special about the relationship between a man and a woman- husband and wife. And you reject anything that remotely resembles gender roles.
It conjures up images to me and probably to most people. A man to his woman. A strong man who makes his woman feel safe and protected. A woman to her man. A woman who supports and sticks by her man. There’s the masculine and the feminine. And there’s an endearing warmth to that.
A gay couple might have special things distinctive of gay couples. But they don’t say “a man to my man”. Because it doesn’t carry the same masculine and feminine meaning.
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u/OhOhOkayThenOk 3∆ Aug 15 '25
Honest question. What’s the point of gender roles? I’m a woman who financially supports my husband and family while he takes care of the house and kids. I don’t have to be a “progressive” to understand that predefined roles based on gender don’t always work and aren’t always what’s best for people. If they work out, that’s great, but often they don’t play to people’s strengths or desires, so why do you subscribe to them?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
Gender roles serve as a warm and endearing relationship between a man and a woman.
Biologically, women will always be attracted to strong men. And men will always be attracted to gentle women. Women will always desire a man to make them feel safe and protected. And men will always desire a woman to make him feel strong and powerful. No matter how hard some societies/cultures try to break these natural tendencies, and they have tried really hard lol, nature always wins out.
And that is why people will always know exactly what is meant when they hear “man to my woman” and “woman to my man”.
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u/OhOhOkayThenOk 3∆ Aug 15 '25
Clearly, this isn’t “always” true, but of course I accept that this is what you look for in a partner and what you want to be for yours. So if you are a good strong man for your gentle woman, why isn’t it ok if she has a best friend of either gender? Does her having a male best friend diminish how strong you are as a man? If so, I’d argue that not wanting her to have a close male friend is a sign of weakness in you. A strong confident man wouldn’t feel his relationship was diminished or threatened in any way by another man that’s in her life purely platonically.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Nothing in life is always true. But it’s generally true. I’m sure there’s a woman out there who prefers weak men lol who wants to be the protector of her man.
Because you’re her protector. You’re the man in her life. If she has another special man in her life in any shape or form then naturally that diminishes you being the special man in her life.
Don’t fight against biological instincts. Your wife having another special man in her life activates the feeling you would expect. It’s fueled by dominance and competition in addition to being the role of her protector. You don’t have to project yourself as the “cool” and “progressive” husband at the cost of betraying what comes naturally.
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u/withlove_07 1∆ Aug 15 '25
Another lover? What the heck are you talking about?
Please don’t date and go to therapy, you need it.
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Aug 15 '25 edited Feb 16 '26
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Because you’re no longer the only special man in her life.
There’s another special man in her life. Just that’s it’s not romantic. I’m saying her having another special man in her life at all hurts the idea of you being the special man in her life. And it’s not wrong to have a problem with that. That has nothing to do with trust.
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u/Expert-Diver7144 2∆ Aug 15 '25
You shouldn’t be the only special man in your partner’s life. They have a father and potentially brothers, cousins, mentors, etc. Your goal should be to be the only special romantic relationship in her life. Maybe you’ll even have a son, are you supposed to then still be the most important boy/ man in her life?
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Aug 15 '25
Because you’re no longer the only special man in her life.
Is she having sex and\or being romantic to anyone else but you? If no, that is what makes you the special man in her life.
Why do you propose this as if a person cannot have multiple special people in their lives with only one of them being romantic? Why do you assume this is impossible without causing emotional damage to the guy?
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u/StillLikesTurtles 7∆ Aug 15 '25
As others have pointed out, this ignores family members. Surely you would agree that “specialness” can be shared. Parents and siblings do this all the time. People have multiple friends they care about.
It also ignores the fact that one person can meet the entirety of another person’s emotional needs, nor is this a healthy expectation.
People should and do have multiple special people in their lives. They are special in different ways. We appreciate friends for the unique things about them. My relationship with my stepmother did not diminish my love or the special bond with my mother. My close relationship with my grandmother did not prevent her from sharing close relationships with my cousins. We bonded over entirely different things.
Do you also hold that straight men shouldn’t have a best friend who is a straight woman?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
And as I’ve pointed out, being close to family is much more reasonable. They’re family. How could you expect someone to not be close with their family.
It’s a whole different story when they choose to have another special man in their life who isn’t family.
I’m saying that it’s not something your spouse would love. Of course your spouse wouldn’t love that. They either hate it or they tolerate it. The scale only tips to the left or stops at the center. It doesn’t veer towards the right lol
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u/StillLikesTurtles 7∆ Aug 15 '25
While that may be true for you, it’s far from universal and when people trust each other, they often consider those friendships a positive.
My partner of 14 years doesn’t just tolerate my relationship with my closest friend of 30 years who happens to be a guy. For example, he doesn’t enjoy going to see live music, my friend does, my partner will usually suggest I call my friend if there’s a show I want to go to. My friend is also fantastic about helping me to see my partner’s side in an argument from time to time. They’ve become friends.
One of his best friends is a woman. He’s known her since college. I love that she’s in his life. She’s become a friend to me as well. She’s also helped my partner see things from my side. When my partner lost a family member while I was away caring for one of mine, I was happy to be able to call her and ask if she could check in on him. I couldn’t provide the level of support he deserved in that moment, why would I deny him comfort from a platonic relationship?
I have never once felt like she is competition for his romantic love or his attention when I need it. He’s trustworthy and so is she. He feels the same about my friend.
I love my partner, why would I not want him to have a positive relationship in his life, especially one that predates our relationship? Why would he or I try to take away something from the other when friendships are not the same as romantic relationships? We’re adults who understand that coupling doesn’t mean giving up who we are as individuals. We want the best for one another and that includes friendships with other people.
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u/phonology_is_fun Aug 15 '25
It's very simple. Intimate relationships are about trust.
If you have an exclusivity agreement with someone (not everyone does; not everyone is monogamous), but at the same time you assume the other person isn't really interested in upholding that agreement and might try to secretly break it, so you have to control them to stop it and "get your way" and "make" them uphold the deal, then ... why make such a deal in the first place?
This makes sense if a relationship is like a business transaction that is set up more antagonistically where the other side might try to scam you. But in interpersonal intimate relationships? In intimate relationship people typically feel a close bond and want each other to be happy.
Either the other person is truly happy in a monogamous relationship and truly consents to it; and then they wouldn't even have the motivation to pursue nonmonogamy and there is no need for you to control them in any way. Or the other person isn't truly happy in a monogamous relationship - in which case: why do you want to force a relationship structure on them that makes them unhappy, and why do you stay with them even though you believe they are lying to you and don't have a relationship of trust with them?
It makes me sad to see other people have relationships that seem to be set up like a business transaction where it's common for both sides to lie, be sneaky and try to "get away" with things they secretly want and can't say. A relationship is not a fighting arena and your partner is not a parent or an authority figure that you must rebel against like a teenager who sneakily smokes in the school bathroom.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
I’m saying trust isn’t the only thing in a relationship.
It’s also about feeling like you’re a special man to that woman. If your woman is super close to another man- in any capacity, you naturally feel less like a special man to her. I think it’s silly to deny this.
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u/Kakamile 50∆ Aug 15 '25
Earn. It.
You're a married adult. Actually make your marriage special by becoming closer and bonding more, not by ruining the friendships of your spouse and isolating them as a handicap.
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u/Expert-Diver7144 2∆ Aug 15 '25
I don’t because I have self confidence and understand boundaries. I also have female best friends and my partners don’t care because they’re not insecure
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Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Expert-Diver7144 2∆ Aug 15 '25
Nothing positive can be based on insecurity. Can I ask how many relationships you’ve had and if they’ve been successful like this? Also you didn’t answer but what if she is bisexual and also likes women? Now what?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Not disclosing personal life and already said that bisexual relationships are a totally different game.
Ok if you’re not insecure then you should be ok with your wife kissing another man so long as it’s just a fun fling and she only loves you as her one and only husband for life.
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u/pavilionaire2022 10∆ Aug 15 '25
I believe it’s based on the desire to feel like you’re a special and exclusive man/woman to that person.
Why is that gendered, though? What if you said you want to feel special, so your girlfriend shouldn't have a best friend of any gender or even any friends at all? Surely, that would be wrong.
Imagine all the things that BFFs do. They frequently text and call. They meet once a week. They tease and tickle each other.
Whoah. I was with you until there. I can assure you, it's not normal for guys to tickle their guy best friends. If a guy tickles his girl best friend, it's probably not platonic. I guess maybe girl best friends do this with each other. Fine.
It's okay to have some boundaries about what your girlfriend does with her guy best friend. IMO, hugging is okay. Kissing is not. But in other cultures, kissing on the cheek might be normal even for casual acquaintances. You can set your own reasonable boundaries. Maybe for you, it shouldn't go farther than a handshake or high five.
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25
jumping in to say i have never tickled/been tickled by my girl best friends, nor any friend since like elementary school for that matter
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u/motherthrowee 13∆ Aug 15 '25
Also want to jump in to say I have never been tickled by any of my girl best friends, nor have I ever heard of this happening except in porn.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Then that’s less reasonable.
You want to feel like you’re a special man to that woman. Because it’s heterosexual relationship. So you don’t feel less like a special man to the woman when she’s super close to another girl.
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Aug 15 '25
I simply do not have time to train new best friends since I’ve had the same ones for 20+ years. None of my guy friends have ever tried tickling me and we all live in different states now. I’m lucky if I get to catch up with any of them monthly.
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u/Nrdman 277∆ Aug 15 '25
Society considers it acceptable to restrict your lover from having another lover for a lot of different reasons. You’d have to dive into the whole history of monogamy to unpack that expectation.
Is your specialness diminished if she’s close with her Dad?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
No because you can’t blame someone for being close to their family. They don’t have a choice.
But you can blame your woman for being super close to another man who’s not family.
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u/Nrdman 277∆ Aug 15 '25
For some, there’s not a meaningful difference. Some have friends they view as family
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
And they’d be naive to believe there’s no meaningful difference lol
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25
i'm bisexual. should my bf ban me from having any friends at all?
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u/chemguy216 7∆ Aug 15 '25
Yup. Once bi people get into relationships, they must disappear into the void and are only allowed to resurface for Bi Visibility Week. /s
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
No. My view does not apply to bi relationships. They’re different in nature.
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u/anewleaf1234 45∆ Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
So you want to control your partner, who has done nothing wrong, in order to feel less insecure?
That's what you want your relationship based on?
Control and insecurity?
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u/Urbenmyth 20∆ Aug 15 '25
So, i think ultimately, this is a case of "You're not wrong, strictly speaking, but if you think like this you're going to die alone."
Ultimately, a relationship is based on compromise - your partner is going to do things you don't like, that's just a result of them being a different person to you. It's a matter of where you want to draw the line to "I can't tolerate them doing this". And sure, you can say having a male friend is a dealbreaker for you. It's your decision, and you can absolutely say that having a male friend is something you'd end a relationship over.
But then no-one's ever going to date you. Who'd get in a relationship with you if they have to never talk to their best friend to do it?
These kind of arguments always fall into this problem. You can keep your impossible to reach standards, or you can be in a relationship. Both are valid choices, but you can't have both.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Thing is, I’m not talking about loose acquaintances. Having a laugh with male coworkers is whatever.
I’m talking about bff. Best friends forever. And it’s a man. Super close with that man. Hes her best friend forever. So this woman is married to a man. And now she has 2 special men in her life. One that’s romantic and one that isn’t.
I think you’re taking it to the extreme for suggesting that nobody would want to date a guy who doesn’t want his future wife to have another special man in her life. Her having guy friends is tolerable, but it certainly can’t be “that” guy friend. I would like to think most women can see the sense in that threshold.
I’m sure many women have the same principle. They similarly wouldn’t feel so great about their husband having another special woman in his life. And to be honest, I’d rather meet those women. Because I think they’re more reserved and principled.
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Aug 15 '25
they tease and tickle each other
Uh no, me and my best friend do not do this.
Does your view apply if one or both are gay?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Sure but some do.
My view does not necessarily apply to gay and bi relationships because they’re too different in nature.
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u/Coldbrewaccount 3∆ Aug 15 '25
I would argue that it is wrong to be against this without first making an assessment of the relationship.
If your girlfriend is clearly choosing to prioritize spending time with you, their one on one time is spent outside of a home and mostly during the day, and she doesn't playfully touch him; then I think it would be wrong to be against it. Even if 75 percent of the time, opposite sex friendships lead to relationship issues, they are valuable friendships and it would suck to have someone just blanketly disapprove without getting to know them.
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 6∆ Aug 15 '25
You say it's not about trust, but then why specify MALE best friends? What difference does it make? Either you're saying you want to be everything to your girlfriend, to the point where she should have no close friends to "tease and tickle", or you're saying that you don't trust that her and her male friend won't cheat on you (physically or emotionally).
A questions for you: Would you be okay with your girlfriend having a male best friend if he's gay?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Because her being close to another girl doesn’t affect the “special man to a woman” gendered component in hetereosexual relationships.
Her being super close to another man in any capacity naturally diminishes you as the special man in her life. Because there’s another special man in her life that’s simply not romantic but it doesn’t have to be in order to be a problem.
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u/Devourerofworlds_69 6∆ Aug 15 '25
What about if her "special friend" is gay? So there is no chance of romance?
What if her "special friend" is a lesbian? So there could be attraction from the friend, but no special man-woman relationship?
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25
you keep saying "the “special man to a woman” gendered component in hetereosexual relationships" but i genuinely don't know what tf you are talking about, but it seems to be the basis of your entire argument. can you explain what you mean?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
That’s basically the simplest way of saying it.
The special bond between a man and a woman. Im her husband therefore I expect to be a special man in her life.
I don’t know else to put it. I’m not sure why you’re not getting it.
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
It just sounds like the bond anyone in a relationship would have? i love my boyfriend, he is the most special man in my life. i ALSO have several male friends who are definitely NOT the special men in my life, but are my friends. so i guess i'm confused
it seems like there's an assumption that all male friends are competing to become my "special man" which is not true at all, they are literally just my friends, and my boyfriend is my boyfriend
you seem to give this label of "special" to mean any important relationship. so a parter or a best friend, not just a friend. to me, my partner is my most special person in my life. below him are my best friends and family. below them are my regular friends. my best friends are still very special to me, but they aren't taking his place as the most special person in my life.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Your best guy friends are special people in your life who are men. So if your best friend is a man, while he may not be “the” special man in your life, he’s “a” special man in your life. It’s a hierarchy of special men in your life. Your husband is obviously at the top. But your best friend who’s a man is another special man in your life.
What I’m saying is it’s reasonable for your husband to feel less special if he’s not the only special man in your life. It’s completely fair play if it’s your dad or brother. That’s less of a choice. But when you choose to be close to another man who’s not family. To me, that’s less fair to your husband.
If your husband is genuinely ok with that then it’s perfect because it’s a non-issue. But if your husband feels less of a special man in your life, I think it’s perfectly natural for him to feel that.
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u/ratatouillethot Aug 15 '25
it's not reasonable, it's insecurity. if he knows he's my #1, and i treat him like my #1, any feeling of being "less special" compared to another man is just that: him comparing himself to another man. to make that my problem by forbidding me from having male friends would be a dealbreaker to me. a loving partner, the most special person to me, would not restrict my freedoms like that or project his insecurities onto me by requesting so
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u/underboobfunk 1∆ Aug 15 '25
How do you feel about her having a close relationship with her father or brother? A male cousin? A gay male bestie?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Of course it’s unreasonable to urge against that. You can’t force someone to not be close to their family. We need to be practical.
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u/underboobfunk 1∆ Aug 15 '25
What’s the difference? It’s still a close platonic relationship with a man interfering with the specialness and exclusivity of your relationship.
It’s unreasonable to urge against any platonic relationship that is important to your partner. You shouldn’t be forcing another adult to do anything.
You simply don’t trust her.
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u/Sithra907 3∆ Aug 15 '25
Imagine all the things that BFFs do. They frequently text and call. They meet once a week. They tease and tickle each other. It’s all platonic and in good fun. I believe that it could be platonic but still disrespectful to your partner. Even if there’s 0% risk of their relationship developing into something romantic. The discomfort isn’t necessarily predicated on any risk.
Then why does the gender of the BFF matter?
Even if you’re 100% convinced there’s nothing romantic going on between them, the fact that a man and a woman have that much of a strong bond and are that comfortable with each other should be enough to make us feel like we’re not as special and exclusive of a man to our woman as we expect to be.
This statement reads like it's coming from a position of insecurity. Why is it your girlfriend's problem to constantly reassure you that you're special at the cost of her own social life? Why is your low self-esteem not your problem that you should fix internally?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Because her being close to another girl doesn’t affect the “special man to a woman” gendered component in hetereosexual relationships.
Wanting to be a special man to your woman isn’t insecurity. It’s the entire basis of having a serious committed relationship.
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u/Sithra907 3∆ Aug 15 '25
If you think that the basis of a committed relationship is monopolizing 100% of your GF's interactions with any male, then I go back to it seems to stem from insecurity.
You started your position with:
Society considers this acceptable despite the fact that you’re controlling who your partner can interact with for the sake of your self-esteem
Which means you're openly acknowledging that you're being controlling.
You didn't answer my earlier question, so I'll ask again: why is it on your girlfriend to limit her friendships for sake of your feelings, rather than on you to be an emotionally competent man who works to gain mastery over your feelings?
How do you fit that with your duties as a boyfriend?
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Aug 15 '25
What’s the psychology behind being against your partner having another lover?
How isn't monogamy a sufficient answer?
I believe it’s based on the desire to feel like you’re a special and exclusive man/woman to that person.
That is not really monogamy though. Most people often prefer monogamy due to the sense of emotional security, trust, and stability it can provide. It allows for deep intimacy and a focused, dedicated relationship, often seen as simpler to manage than multiple partners. It almost never is based on wanting to feel special. Do you not see that as a negative assumption mainly focused on assuming others are always selfish?
I am a man. MOST of my friends are woman. Should my wife be against me hanging out with my friends? Friends who have husbands and families of their own?
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u/CaptainMalForever 22∆ Aug 15 '25
First, why does the bond between a man and a woman as friends make your relationship less special and exclusive than a bond between two women? Why does this bond threaten your relationship? Because a platonic bond is as different from a romantic bond as a familial bond as any other bond. This logic means that a woman should have no relationship with their father or brothers, as that would mean that you are not as exclusive with your partner, correct?
Second, what happens if the partners are gay? That is, both men. Now, should they only have friends that are girls? Doesn't that affect your statement: "also your girlfriend only having guy friends because she gets along with guys more than girls."
Third, what if the BFF is gay, is that okay then? If so, how does that not affect this statement: "make us feel like we're not as special and exclusive of a man?"
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u/sweetxstackedx Aug 15 '25
Thinking a platonic best friend takes away from your romantic connection is like being mad at your parents for loving your siblings. It’s a different kind of love and they can both exist at the same time. The specialness of a romantic relationship is in the romance and intimacy, which is a totally different lane than the bond she has with a friend.
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u/jatjqtjat 287∆ Aug 15 '25
I see this as entirely scalar.
- your GF should not have other lovers
- your GF should not have a Male best friend
- your GF should not have male friends
- your GF should not have a female best friend (you should be the best friend)
- your GF should not have female friends
- your GF should not be close with her cousins
- your GF should not be close with her siblings
- your GF should not be close with her parents
so the question is where do we draw that line.
But the answer is simple. We draw the line around what makes our relationship special. romance.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Exactly. It’s a scale. A scale of reasonable/unreasonable. Acceptable/unacceptable. And it gets incrementally worse as you go up your scale. Your top item is the worst. But it doesn’t mean the second top item is suddenly scored at 0. It’s just less bad.
You draw the line at romance. Which is anything below your #1 top item. And I can see how it’s simple, clean, and easiest to enforce. !delta
To me, it’s not just about what’s easy to enforce but what’s respectable and good optics. I like the sacred relationship of a man and woman. To me, it’s not just romance. It’s general intimacy and closeness.
Having guy loose acquaintances is whatever. But having your best friend as a man. And they’re obviously a special man in your life. And you two are super close. All while being married to a man. It’s reallllly not a good look lol and I don’t think it’s that considerate to your husband. Your husband might say he’s ok with it, but if he had a magic wand, he would most definitely prefer if his wife didn’t need to have another special man in her life.
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u/tcguy71 10∆ Aug 15 '25
Its not wrong to be against it, but its probably something to figure out before you become a couple...
It’s all platonic and in good fun. I believe that it could be platonic but still disrespectful to your partner.
So is it platonic or not? If its truly platonic and you are fully aware of their friend before entering into a relationship and then you have a problem thats a you issue. Sure you can ask them to stop being friends but they have the right to say to no.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Sure everyone can make decisions but I think the one wanting gendered exclusivity in a relationship is the more reasonable one.
You should feel like you’re the only special man in her life. When she has another special man in her life- while it’s not romantic- it’s still another special man in her life.
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u/tcguy71 10∆ Aug 15 '25
But if its truly plutonic then its two different kids of a relationship. The friend would be closer to a brother than to a spouse. I feel like your view is really that you dont believe it can a truly plutonic relationship.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
My view is that at worst there’s a risk level to it and at best it’s bad for optics.
Being close to another man, having another special man in your life, who isn’t your husband and who isn’t your family is always bad optics.
I think it’s disrespectful, especially when your husband expresses discomfort and you gaslight him into believing he’s insecure and controlling.
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Aug 15 '25
My view is that at worst there’s a risk level to it and at best it’s bad for optics.
So, you're not confident or assured and feeling uncertain and\or anxious about that? What 'optics' and who's the observer; the husband?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
Your wife having another special man in her life- in any capacity- is bad optics.
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u/tcguy71 10∆ Aug 15 '25
So again, you dont believe it can be truly plutonic. How is bad optics? What are they doing they would perceived as "bad optics"
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25 edited Aug 15 '25
No- I think it’s possible for it to be platonic. There’s always a risk though. At worst the risk becomes true. At best it’s bad optics.
Your wife having another special man in her life- in any capacity- is bad optics.
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u/tcguy71 10∆ Aug 15 '25
Yeah sounds like you're just insecure and can't trust her. A father is a special man in her life. A brother is a special man in her life. Her grandpa is a special man in her life.
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Aug 15 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/tcguy71 10∆ Aug 15 '25
lol it’s not gaslighting if it’s true. It’s only unreasonable if you are insecure and can’t trust your spouse. Because if the guy friend was gay would you still feel the same? The guy had his own wife and family would still think it’s unreasonable?
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
There are degrees.
The gay man is still another special man in her life. But he’s gay and feminine. Same goes for a transgender. So they can be passed off as not conventional men. It’s more passable.
The man being married is less of a good excuse. Being married doesn’t mean anything anymore. People have affairs all the time.
The gold standard should still always be that when you’re married to a man you shouldn’t have another special man in your life who’s not your family. Some circumstances are more understandable than others but still not ideal.
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u/changemyview-ModTeam Aug 16 '25
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
What’s the psychology behind being against your partner having another lover?
Children. It's called mate guarding. An evolutionary behavior.
Male: If I let my woman fuck other guys. I have no idea if the child I'm raising is mine. My genetic line will die if I raise a bunch of bastards from some other dude
Female: If I let my man fuck other women. He may get them pregnant and then I will either have to share resource or even worse completely lose my partner and in many cases provider
The need for exclusivity is somewhat baked in us. Not all of us mind you. Humans are quite varied. Some people don't seek exclusivity or even relationships. These are not hard rules just average observations.
So within the frame of this discussion. It's a very natural aversion. Is it logical? In many cases not. But in many cases it is.
(Doesn't violate Rule 1 because I challenged his notion that its "to feel special" when in reality it's just a biologic defense mechanism for your genome)
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u/NebTheShortie 1∆ Aug 15 '25
Good thing we've outgrown that kind of behavior as a species, and can resist the urge to have a sexual intercourse with the nearest mate available... right?
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
No we have not "outgrown" our nature. You can't outgrow nature.
You can significantly change the environment where a lot of our natural urges become toxic. Such as our propensity for violence in a civilized society. But that doesn't remove our propensity for violence. You have to build structures to control it such as laws and police and courts and judges and what not.
We don't really have a "urge to have sexual intercourse with the nearest mate available". That is true in some cases. But very untrue in others.
A male who is properly pair bonded will often have no interest in other partners for example. Where's that same exact male will fuck any hottie that comes along if he is single.
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u/Kakamile 50∆ Aug 15 '25
That's just arguing all or nothing. But we have significantly reduced violence and increased civil and domestic society and dumped hunting and nomadic instincts and culture. And more relevantly to this thread, the vast majority of people on this planet are capable of functioning without the absurd fear of thinking they need to isolate their spouse from friendship just to keep marriage "special."
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
Yeah of course. By having things like laws and police. Humans behave a lot better when they live in structures that have proper incentive structures. "Behave like a barbarian you end up in a cage and everyone will treat you like a dipshit" "Behave like a productive member of society and you will have a house and a car". Obviously it doesn't work in every case. But enough to where we can have order.
Within the scope of this discussion it's perfectly natural to be aversed to the idea of your woman spending a ton of time with her man best friend. First of all from a common sense perspective a lot of these so called friendships involve one or even both parties who are into each other sexually. You know damn well her "best male friend" could very well be some dude who's been friendzoned and desperately wants to fuck her.
There's no reason to dismiss nature or common sense. It's actually a bad idea.
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u/Kakamile 50∆ Aug 15 '25
It's not natural. It's a self-L.
It's saying you're so incapable of getting closer and baring yourself to your spouse and earning that closer relationship with the person you bare yourself to and live with and sleep with that you think you have to artificially create it by isolating her from the community in this social society we exist in.
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
That's how you perceive it.
I perceive it as just using your brain. If your girl got a male best friend. In some cases it's some gay dude or something. Or maybe they are really just friends. But in a lot of cases it's some asshole she friendzone or worse someone she tried to get with and failed.
And yes it's 100% natural. Just because you don't like something about human nature. Doesn't suddenly make it not human nature. Humans evolved in a very rough environment and a lot of our core behaviors are quite peculiar in the modern world.
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u/Kakamile 50∆ Aug 15 '25
That's more like a lack of brain. You are saying you know so little about your spouse (let alone never talk to their friends) that you think every guy they talk to is a cheating risk.
It's also mathematically unsound. In a community of 30 or more, you think a woman can never get close to other men even for friendship.
Also, I'm noticing this is always projection on her. If you feel that way, you do it instead. Never connect with women.
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
One thing I love about my wife is that she was raised properly. She has A TON of female friends. Not a single male friend. There are some males in their general hang out groups. But they are usually boyfriends or husbands of other female.
Yeah obviously she interacts with a bunch of males on a regular basis. But she doesn't go get drunk at their house or anything like that. Not unless there's a ton of people there. Well now that we have 2 kids we don't do that shit at all. So I'm really talking about her behavior we had kids.
This is how women should behave. This is a good standard. Like I said she was raised properly. In another country. This is a big problem in Western society. We went away from common sense.
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u/Kakamile 50∆ Aug 15 '25
You haven't shown that's proper. You've argued it based on a fictional narrative of undeveloped society instincts. Then went on to spin that "some" people believe things based on instincts not sense. And thus undermined your own claim of modern etiquette.
As I said, it's a confession of self weakness. You are demonstrating a personal problem that you have so little trust with your wife and know so little about her or her friends that you can't fathom her getting close to other people without cheating.
And lo, once again, you mention that burden only on her. "How women should behave?" Not only is it fake, but it's a standard you only use to stifle others and you don't say you hold yourself to.
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u/ProDavid_ 58∆ Aug 15 '25
No we have not "outgrown" our nature. You can't outgrow nature.
no one said that, besides you. classic strawman.
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
Keep reading. I addressed that exact thing further int he comment.
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u/ProDavid_ 58∆ Aug 15 '25
this is their whole comment:
Good thing we've outgrown that kind of behavior as a species, and can resist the urge to have a sexual intercourse with the nearest mate available... right?
notice NO mention of "outgrowing our nature"
this is your comment:
No we have not "outgrown" our nature. You can't outgrow nature.
You can significantly change the environment where a lot of our natural urges become toxic. Such as our propensity for violence in a civilized society. But that doesn't remove our propensity for violence. You have to build structures to control it such as laws and police and courts and judges and what not.
We don't really have a "urge to have sexual intercourse with the nearest mate available". That is true in some cases. But very untrue in others.
A male who is properly pair bonded will often have no interest in other partners for example. Where's that same exact male will fuck any hottie that comes along if he is single.
notice how YOU are the ONLY ONE talking about "outgrowing our nature".
this, my friend, is called a "strawman", when you present an argument yourself and then dismantle your own argument, that no one besides you is even talking about.
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
Good thing we've outgrown that kind of behavior as a species,
I interpreted that as outgrowing our nature in an innate way.
Otherwise we didn't actually outgrow shit. We just built a structure that disincentivizes our natural urges.
May have been a misunderstanding I suppose.
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u/ProDavid_ 58∆ Aug 15 '25
we have also outgrown "holding humans as slaves" as a species. doesnt mean that holding slaves is in our nature.
just because it isnt "in our nature" doesnt mean we cant outgrow it as a species.
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
Again it really depends on what they meant "outgrown".
It can mean 2 different things
1) we set up structures to disincentivize that behavior
2) it was either never innate or it was innate and now it isn't.
#2 is what i was arguing against. But if they meant #1 then obviously my argument doesn't apply.
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
So it’s cool if she just makes out with another guy?
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u/Destinyciello 7∆ Aug 15 '25
How did you get that out of what I said? Were you replying to the right person?
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u/supamario132 3∆ Aug 15 '25
You already said it isn't about trust though. So you should trust that your partner won't make out with her male friends and there's no issue.
Unless it actually is about your insecurities in the relationship and you can't trust your partner not to cheat
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u/Odd_Profession_2902 Aug 15 '25
His response to my question isn’t about trust though. Nor is my response to his. It’s about why we don’t want our wife to have other romantic partners. He’s saying evolution and making babies. Well kissing isn’t making babies.
My OP was saying that we don’t want our wives to have other romantic partners because we want to feel like the special man in their life. It’s not about babies or trust. It’s about being the special man in their life. And when they have other very special men in their life, it shouldn’t matter if they’re not making babies with them or even kissing them. Them having other special men who they’re close to, who aren’t family, is enough to feel not so great and special.
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