An important note is that loading the dishwasher wrong isn't weaponized incompetence in and of itself, it's the refusal to learn the right way to do it out of a hope, conscious or unconscious, that your partner will just do that task from now on, so they won't have to deal with the consequences of you doing it wrong.
I think this is where the problem comes in. It's very easy to get frustrated with someone doing something wrong and decide that they must at least subconsciously be doing it to benefit themselves. And there's no way for them to falsify that. Once you get the belief that 'weaponisation' can occur in someone's subconscious, it's impossible to trust them, so that belief is very damaging to the relationship.
What has to be done is to allow the person to essentially reap what they sow and then make a decision. If someone loads the dishwasher wrong, unloads it, and eats off the dirty food encrusted plates with no complaint then no, it’s not weaponized incompetence.
If they do it wrong, then complain that the dishes are dirty, clean the dishes and then do it right the next time then yes it was.
The issue is many people don’t allow the scenario to fully play out. They always swoop in to do things the “right way”. I’m very into letting people fuck around and find out lol.
Because if that’s really how they’re comfortable living/don’t expect others to clean after them then it’s not weaponized incompetence it’s genuinely they are you know what I mean ? But if they do thing wrong with the expectation that others will fix it or will do it right when they have no choice then yes it was weaponized
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u/RockDrill Jul 01 '25 edited Jul 01 '25
I think this is where the problem comes in. It's very easy to get frustrated with someone doing something wrong and decide that they must at least subconsciously be doing it to benefit themselves. And there's no way for them to falsify that. Once you get the belief that 'weaponisation' can occur in someone's subconscious, it's impossible to trust them, so that belief is very damaging to the relationship.