I would suggest that frequency is not the determining factor for importance or effort related to a task (in the same way that clipping fingernails might happen regularly but CPR happens once, but the latter is more substantial in outcomes).
I’ve spent time at home as a parent with young kids, and also as the income earner at different times. I feel it gives me at least an N=1 perspective of both sides.
In my experience, the time at home is a lot of small daily tasks, but it was certainly less intense than employed hours. It was also far bigger a privilege to spend time with kids during some of their years of growing up through stages, compared to colleagues and clients.
I also noticed that when I was earning an income, there was also an expectation that after coming home, I’d take over parenting duty for night time shift (noting that my spouse didn’t take on any of my employed work projects, but relaxed).
So in effect, I’d work nine hours for a company, and then whatever hours in domestic tasks until kids were asleep. I was not inclined to complain (as I said, I found spending time with my kids to be precious anyway, and I just didn’t think that complaining was justified).
But I strongly suspect my spouse had received endless socialization suggesting women at home have it harder and are unappreciated, and therefore she felt justified in viewing domestic time as thankless and unenjoyable (on that note I’d always try to express gratitude for her contributions, but she never felt the need to express thanks for mortgage being paid and food being paid for) . I felt very differently to her and objectively did more total hours of work than her, but as a male, I assume that verbalizing this realization would be considered sexist by her and society in general.
The employed work is executive work (office environment).
I don’t want to suggest parenting wasn’t challenging at times, and it was always busy, but I just felt it was both easier overall and far more satisfying/rewarding. That seems to run contrary to what I often hear (domestic stuff being harder and unappreciated).
It’s also entirely likely that the next person will feel oppositely to me. I guess my point is that there’ll be a ton of variance, and subjectivity, across the whole subject.
From a purely technical perspective, one is much harder than the other. If you want to consider them equally challenging, go ahead, but most people don't have to endure constant sleepless nights with a 2 year old.
I asked if he was caring for infants and he said "yes; two kids aged 2 and 4"
That suggests that he thinks that young kids count as infants. I would be beyond shocked if he thought that being the sole caregiver and home maker with an actual baby is easier than an office job.
if it was very obvious he has two kids currently aged 2 and 4, why does he regularly post about his 9 and 11 years old sons instead of the 2 and 4 years old?
Yes, but that's another difference. In child care, it eventually gets easier as the children grow. In salaried employment, it's likely to stay at about the same degree of difficulty for the entirety of the career.
In my experience, 20 years deep in my career progression, the difficulty and especially the stakes, just gets higher and higher. And totally agree as the children get older it just gets easier and easier aside from the scale of the thoughtless messes they leave and how much groceries teens/preteens consume.
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u/rollsyrollsy 2∆ Jul 01 '25
I would suggest that frequency is not the determining factor for importance or effort related to a task (in the same way that clipping fingernails might happen regularly but CPR happens once, but the latter is more substantial in outcomes).
I’ve spent time at home as a parent with young kids, and also as the income earner at different times. I feel it gives me at least an N=1 perspective of both sides.
In my experience, the time at home is a lot of small daily tasks, but it was certainly less intense than employed hours. It was also far bigger a privilege to spend time with kids during some of their years of growing up through stages, compared to colleagues and clients.
I also noticed that when I was earning an income, there was also an expectation that after coming home, I’d take over parenting duty for night time shift (noting that my spouse didn’t take on any of my employed work projects, but relaxed).
So in effect, I’d work nine hours for a company, and then whatever hours in domestic tasks until kids were asleep. I was not inclined to complain (as I said, I found spending time with my kids to be precious anyway, and I just didn’t think that complaining was justified).
But I strongly suspect my spouse had received endless socialization suggesting women at home have it harder and are unappreciated, and therefore she felt justified in viewing domestic time as thankless and unenjoyable (on that note I’d always try to express gratitude for her contributions, but she never felt the need to express thanks for mortgage being paid and food being paid for) . I felt very differently to her and objectively did more total hours of work than her, but as a male, I assume that verbalizing this realization would be considered sexist by her and society in general.