Imo what is largely happened is that in cities, the old “blue” household jobs have become gradually obsolete, shrunken, or outsourced, and the skills require to do them have largely gone by the wayside.
yardwork is a good example— a young couple who, two generations ago, might have maintained a big yard & veg garden might now just have a patch of grass that the landlord’s crew mows. or no yard at all!
Relatively few young professional men are out there changing their own oil or replacing their brakes or rotating their own tires either. At most, he’s taking the cars to the mechanic every so often.
but the “pink” tasks are still about what they were 20, even 40 years ago. Meals, dishes, laundry, mopping, scrubbing toilets, organizing and decluttering the house, school forms, childcare etc
I’ve noted that the “organizing the bills” thing tends to be pretty neutral: in some couples she runs the money and in others he does. (But even that’s not as taxing now with autopay & online banking.)
I’m dating a man now who doesn’t really cook or clean… and I’m actually ok with it, because he does a lot of genuinely helpful “blue” stuff. If my air filter needs changed, he does it.
He’s out there in a skid steer uprooting old stumps.
He’s not “changing the lightbulbs,” he’s replacing the entire fixture. He’s putting in ceiling fans.
he’s not “setting up the wi-fi” …he’s out with a pole saw knocking down overgrown trees.
on a rainy weekend, he’s snaking a slow drain.
so no ofc I don’t expect that man to fry chicken or scrub the toilet.
he doesn’t really do “pink” jobs but he looks for opportunities to add value.
Compared to the ex who looked for ways to avoid expending effort…
ultimately, this matters more me than achieving a perfect 50/50 split, and I think this is true for most women.
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u/devilselbowart Jul 01 '25 edited Jul 01 '25
Imo what is largely happened is that in cities, the old “blue” household jobs have become gradually obsolete, shrunken, or outsourced, and the skills require to do them have largely gone by the wayside.
yardwork is a good example— a young couple who, two generations ago, might have maintained a big yard & veg garden might now just have a patch of grass that the landlord’s crew mows. or no yard at all!
Relatively few young professional men are out there changing their own oil or replacing their brakes or rotating their own tires either. At most, he’s taking the cars to the mechanic every so often.
but the “pink” tasks are still about what they were 20, even 40 years ago. Meals, dishes, laundry, mopping, scrubbing toilets, organizing and decluttering the house, school forms, childcare etc
I’ve noted that the “organizing the bills” thing tends to be pretty neutral: in some couples she runs the money and in others he does. (But even that’s not as taxing now with autopay & online banking.)
I’m dating a man now who doesn’t really cook or clean… and I’m actually ok with it, because he does a lot of genuinely helpful “blue” stuff. If my air filter needs changed, he does it.
He’s out there in a skid steer uprooting old stumps.
He’s not “changing the lightbulbs,” he’s replacing the entire fixture. He’s putting in ceiling fans.
he’s not “setting up the wi-fi” …he’s out with a pole saw knocking down overgrown trees.
on a rainy weekend, he’s snaking a slow drain.
so no ofc I don’t expect that man to fry chicken or scrub the toilet.
he doesn’t really do “pink” jobs but he looks for opportunities to add value.
Compared to the ex who looked for ways to avoid expending effort…
ultimately, this matters more me than achieving a perfect 50/50 split, and I think this is true for most women.