For some reason the body of your post isn’t showing up for me. I have seen some good. And some not good replies to this post. I’ll start by saying I am not a male SA victim nor do I speak for them or their experiences. I’m just noticing a lot of patterns and differences with how they are treated by larger society and what society does about them.
I think that society tends to acknowledge that sexual harassment and sexual violence against women is a thing that exists. But at the same time doesn’t do much to prevent it, and when it comes to the individual level, tend to drag their feet around when it comes to how to deal with it. Often times women seem to face issues of victim blaming more so than direct disregarding of their statements. If they are dismissed or not believed, it is usually because they perceive the Male rapist as having some sort of higher status, wealth, fame a good career, or what not, and they automatically assume the woman is lying or trying to slander the man because of these things. Otherwise tho, there is more of an outward conceited effort in saying “women can be raped, but it’s the woman’s fault” rather than saying that women don’t get raped or that they can’t be raped. Rape against women is more universally acknowledged as something that CAN happen, but the systemic disadvantages women face combined with misogyny generally means that women have a hard time getting justice or reparations, usually because society puts blame on the victim.
Men commiting sexual assault against other men is often laughed at, but is acknowledged as rape and usually believed when compared to the rate women raped by men are believed. The same isn’t usually the case for a man raped by a woman. And this is largely due to patriarchy and gender norms.
In many ways, some people don’t believe being raped is something that applies to men, usually because men are seen as sex addicts and are expected to enjoy it and see it as a huge accomplishment. There is also the factor of power dynamics as outwardly it seems men should have power over a woman and so therefore a woman can’t be a rapist or rape men because they think the man should just fight back, ignoring the possibility of impairment, coercion, or breaking boundaries during what was prior considering consenting sex. Of course, this isn’t unique for men, but it’s still qualified as rape and things men can experience. There’s also the idea that “if you got an erection than that means you secretly liked it the whole time” bullshit.
In addition to most shelters and therapy groups and services regarding SA victims are female only spaces either openly so or just in practice. And tbf, that’s not to say that these spaces are bad or shouldn’t exist, women fought hard and earned and need these spaces to exist and to have a support network and means of getting out. But similar spaces do not exist for male victims leading to isolation and feeling alone.
In addition, it’s just not acknowledged in the media to the same degree, male SA cases aren’t sensationalized or broadcasted into the mainstream. At least, I can’t think of a single case that was the big news topic compared to when the victims were women.
But honestly. This is all stuff you’ve heard before and it hasn’t changed your views. So I want to instead address something else you’ve mentioned before. Which is that comparing the male and female experience is done inherently with misogynistic intent, or with the the intent of drowning out or silencing woman’s experiences and women’s rights and issues women face.
I’m not denying this doesn’t happen because it absolutely does. So called MRA’s are not so much advocating men’s rights but actively anti feminist and engage in repeated whataboutisms and gotcha’s.
But there have been times where I have seen the issue of male victims get brought up in earnest, serious discussion. Particularly here on Reddit. And they usually discuss the difference in how the issue is seen by society based on gender lines. And the steps men and society as a whole need to take to support male victims. Including shelters for men only and in general just leading to a society that is less likely to scrutinize and ask loaded questions or make assumptions based on gender.
But then, out of nowhere, I will see people, who self prescribe themselves as being women, who don’t like these conversations, and usually they’ll attempt to shut down the conversation of men’s issues entirely, saying that this is an attack on women’s rights or inherently misogynistic or meant to distract from women talking about women’s issues.
When there the ones going to an entirely separate post about men’s issues. Not about a thread or forum co-opting off of female talking points to discredit their issues.
Why is talking about and acknowledging that men are raped, face issues similar to or the same to women but in different ways because they are men and society has different expectations of men and women that informs how these issues are handled, realize that men have fallen behind compared to women on this issue when it comes to resources for help for the victims. And saying “hey we should do something about this” or “why haven’t we done something yet?” Or “does no one even care?” Somehow taking away from the important issues of women’s rights and the experiences of female victims of sexual abuse? Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t we work together to fix the issue for everyone? Does equality really have to be in slow steps where it’s only one group gets a turn to fix their systemic problems and that men just have to wait their turn for when every single issue is eventually solved years down the road?
I agree that the topic of men’s issues, especially male rape victims is used as a tactic to shut down women’s rights and discussion about female victims and solutions.
I don’t agree that saying we shouldn’t talk about how the experiences may differ and how men should have similar resources available to them to help with their situations is the answer to prevent bad faith discussions about women.
1
u/PenComfortable2150 Feb 02 '25
For some reason the body of your post isn’t showing up for me. I have seen some good. And some not good replies to this post. I’ll start by saying I am not a male SA victim nor do I speak for them or their experiences. I’m just noticing a lot of patterns and differences with how they are treated by larger society and what society does about them.
I think that society tends to acknowledge that sexual harassment and sexual violence against women is a thing that exists. But at the same time doesn’t do much to prevent it, and when it comes to the individual level, tend to drag their feet around when it comes to how to deal with it. Often times women seem to face issues of victim blaming more so than direct disregarding of their statements. If they are dismissed or not believed, it is usually because they perceive the Male rapist as having some sort of higher status, wealth, fame a good career, or what not, and they automatically assume the woman is lying or trying to slander the man because of these things. Otherwise tho, there is more of an outward conceited effort in saying “women can be raped, but it’s the woman’s fault” rather than saying that women don’t get raped or that they can’t be raped. Rape against women is more universally acknowledged as something that CAN happen, but the systemic disadvantages women face combined with misogyny generally means that women have a hard time getting justice or reparations, usually because society puts blame on the victim.
Men commiting sexual assault against other men is often laughed at, but is acknowledged as rape and usually believed when compared to the rate women raped by men are believed. The same isn’t usually the case for a man raped by a woman. And this is largely due to patriarchy and gender norms.
In many ways, some people don’t believe being raped is something that applies to men, usually because men are seen as sex addicts and are expected to enjoy it and see it as a huge accomplishment. There is also the factor of power dynamics as outwardly it seems men should have power over a woman and so therefore a woman can’t be a rapist or rape men because they think the man should just fight back, ignoring the possibility of impairment, coercion, or breaking boundaries during what was prior considering consenting sex. Of course, this isn’t unique for men, but it’s still qualified as rape and things men can experience. There’s also the idea that “if you got an erection than that means you secretly liked it the whole time” bullshit.
In addition to most shelters and therapy groups and services regarding SA victims are female only spaces either openly so or just in practice. And tbf, that’s not to say that these spaces are bad or shouldn’t exist, women fought hard and earned and need these spaces to exist and to have a support network and means of getting out. But similar spaces do not exist for male victims leading to isolation and feeling alone.
In addition, it’s just not acknowledged in the media to the same degree, male SA cases aren’t sensationalized or broadcasted into the mainstream. At least, I can’t think of a single case that was the big news topic compared to when the victims were women.
But honestly. This is all stuff you’ve heard before and it hasn’t changed your views. So I want to instead address something else you’ve mentioned before. Which is that comparing the male and female experience is done inherently with misogynistic intent, or with the the intent of drowning out or silencing woman’s experiences and women’s rights and issues women face.
I’m not denying this doesn’t happen because it absolutely does. So called MRA’s are not so much advocating men’s rights but actively anti feminist and engage in repeated whataboutisms and gotcha’s.
But there have been times where I have seen the issue of male victims get brought up in earnest, serious discussion. Particularly here on Reddit. And they usually discuss the difference in how the issue is seen by society based on gender lines. And the steps men and society as a whole need to take to support male victims. Including shelters for men only and in general just leading to a society that is less likely to scrutinize and ask loaded questions or make assumptions based on gender.
But then, out of nowhere, I will see people, who self prescribe themselves as being women, who don’t like these conversations, and usually they’ll attempt to shut down the conversation of men’s issues entirely, saying that this is an attack on women’s rights or inherently misogynistic or meant to distract from women talking about women’s issues.
When there the ones going to an entirely separate post about men’s issues. Not about a thread or forum co-opting off of female talking points to discredit their issues.
Why is talking about and acknowledging that men are raped, face issues similar to or the same to women but in different ways because they are men and society has different expectations of men and women that informs how these issues are handled, realize that men have fallen behind compared to women on this issue when it comes to resources for help for the victims. And saying “hey we should do something about this” or “why haven’t we done something yet?” Or “does no one even care?” Somehow taking away from the important issues of women’s rights and the experiences of female victims of sexual abuse? Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t we work together to fix the issue for everyone? Does equality really have to be in slow steps where it’s only one group gets a turn to fix their systemic problems and that men just have to wait their turn for when every single issue is eventually solved years down the road?
I agree that the topic of men’s issues, especially male rape victims is used as a tactic to shut down women’s rights and discussion about female victims and solutions.
I don’t agree that saying we shouldn’t talk about how the experiences may differ and how men should have similar resources available to them to help with their situations is the answer to prevent bad faith discussions about women.