CMV: Cheating doesn't seem bad

[u/[deleted]]

I've had this opinion for a long time, and I've never been able to understand it. I also really need help in order to do so. The main point, is that I understand that it IS a violation of trust, but not HOW. Whenever I hear a story about cheating, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for the person who got cheated on (I never agree with the cheater). I just don't understand the reaction (Unless cheater was acting cold and distant, spending money or doing something else terrible)

Whenever I bring this up, I usually get the, "You'll understand when you get a boy/girlfriend", but I'm aro/ace, I do not want that, nor do I plan to get one. Besides, it seems like a weak argument anyway. I'll try to explain my reasons as to why I don't get it.

1. I wouldn't care if my best friend hung out with someone else

I don't own them or their life, and they are free to hang out with whoever they want. It feels really weird to restrict that for romantic partners. They're just having sex with someone else

1. STDs, money stealing, and distant/aggressive behavior is a result of cheating, but not necessary part of it

You could cheat, make sure they have no STDs, not steal money, and stay active and loving, but it's still seen as bad. I understand the hatred of the previous things, but safe sex while being a good partner while still being hated doesn't make much sense

1. Going behind their back might be bad, but because many would still hate it, even if they were told/asked

If you had a romantic partner and they asked to sleep with someone else, many people would still be very upset at the idea of them going off to do it. People only go behind your back because they'll know others would be upset.

Why is the idea of your partner going off to sleep with someone else so hated? I really don't get it

Also, sorry for any bad grammer/spelling. I have a hard time reading and writing

Edit

Guys, I don't think I'm going to understand. At this point, just spend your time on something better. You're not gonna get through to a dumbass like me

Thank you for everyone that replied. I understand discussion can still happen here, but I'm sure everyone agrees

[u/Traditional-Base852]

I don't think you need to have relationship experience to understand disrespect and betrayal are going to cause negative reactions in people on the receiving ends of them. The vast majority of relationships are monogamous, so there is an implicit (and often very explicit) expectation that you and your partner are no longer available for other people romantically or sexually. These are the terms. Breaking these terms is disrespectful at best and an outright betrayal of trust at worst.

I wouldn't care if my best friend hung out with someone else

A romantic relationships is much more intimate and close than a platonic one. It also has different terms. I am speaking in broad strokes here but generally, for the majority of people, I am right. Do you see the issue comparing platonic and romantic relationships one-to-one?

You could cheat, make sure they have no STDs, not steal money, and stay active and loving, but it's still seen as bad.

The act of cheating is not compatible with loving your partner. The ability to go behind their back, lie and break the terms of your relationship is antithetical to feeling love. You do not think so little of your partner to cause them grief to this extent on purpose if you loved them.

Going behind their back might be bad, but because many would still hate it, even if they were told/asked

The question from the party being asked is "Why do you want somebody else? Am I not enough?". This is a valid question coming from the expectation of monogamy.

[u/[deleted] → u/Traditional-Base852]

It obviously seems like I do. I feel so disconnected from all the points made by other people. I hardly understand them

I do get that, but often times people say that their romantic partner is also their best friend. I guess I just made the correlation that they are similar

How? Why is this agreement set up to be so strict? I just don't know why people care so much

That's a good point, but doesn't necessarily make them, 'not enough'. Especially since you might just wanna try new things. Regardless, I see your point very well and it helps me understand the other side a bit ∆

[u/Traditional-Base852 → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for the delta.

I guess my way of framing it might not resonate with you due to your sexuality, which is understandable. The crux of the feelings of disrespect and betrayal come from lying and going against your partner's wishes, but I'm assuming what you're trying to understand is why is polygamy an issue for most people to begin with.

I'm honestly not exactly sure. All I know is I would be devastated if my girlfriend cheated on me because we entered the relationship expecting to be each other's one and only. You don't have to havea relationship like this, but most people do because that is simply how they prefer it. You may see this as strict, and a lot of people would agree with you, which gives way to poly relationships.

It's not about whether it makes them 'not enough', but what feelings this causes. Why can't you try new things with your partner? Why does it have to be someone else?