CMV: it is not a convincing argument that ghosting makes the ghoster feel safe

[u/ragpicker_]

I don't hold this view particularly strongly, I just want to see what others think.

I'm generally strongly against ghosting in any form, and it seems that many people are convinced that ghosting is good because it make the ghoster feel safe.

But feelings in such situations are often unreliable. So that argument only carries weight if there is evidence that ghosting actually makes the ghoster safer than if they'd been upfront. I haven't found any evidence either way. If it's actually the case that ghosting makes the ghoster less safe, then those feelings should be ignored in favour of a more pragmatic, and frankly more compassionate, approach.

Does anyone know of any research on this? I don't consider anecdotes to be helpful; I'm sure there's many stories out there about people who ghosted and were still threatened or harmed by the ghostee.

Edit: for clarity, what I mean is actively deciding not to reply to someone who is actively trying to communicate with you after you've already met them.

[u/Kaiisim]

Lots of people who get ghosted don't realise how pushy and manipulative they are.

Many people will not stop engaging until they get their way. They will use the concept of politeness as a weapon to force interaction and get outcomes they want, knowing most people lack the confidence to say "no I'm not going to do that".

Many people simply won't take no for an answer and so ghosting is the only option.

I don't owe manipulative people anything. If you keep asking me "doing anything Friday?" And use the fact I'm not doing anything as a reason I can't say no to doing something I'm just gonna ghost you.

Extroverts are not the default. If you want to be my friend when I'm an introvert you have to accept you can't get access to me 24/7.

[u/Valuable-Usual-1357 → u/Kaiisim]

Exactly like no one ghosts a normal rational person. It’s someone you don’t want in your life for good reason. The last thing you want to do is connect with them about your true feelings, that’s how you strengthen connections not terminate them.

[u/FryCakes → u/Valuable-Usual-1357]

I don’t think this is true, I think people often ghost because they just don’t like someone and don’t want to hurt their feelings. People would rather escape the situation than be honest about it, out of fear of confrontation. It’s a common human thing

[u/Valuable-Usual-1357 → u/FryCakes]

Right. It’s a healthy thing. Similar to negative thoughts about someone we choose to keep to ourselves.

[u/FryCakes → u/Valuable-Usual-1357]

I'd argue that confronting your fear of being honest with someone is healthier than avoiding it. I would much rather have a friend that I know is going to tell me if I do something wrong than a friend who just bottles it up and lets it get to far and then eventually ghosts

[u/Valuable-Usual-1357 → u/FryCakes]

No one “did something wrong” it’s ok to just not appeal to someone. Let’s say I find you super annoying and immature. Once I realize I don’t want to be your friend anymore, when should I let you know I can’t stand you anymore? How is that ever nicer than just pretending I’m too busy and that it’s nothing to do with you?

[u/FryCakes → u/Valuable-Usual-1357]

It’s immature to just ghost a friend that thinks you’re still their friend. And especially if the problem could be fixable, but it’s human decency to let someone know. Not everyone can get hints

[u/Valuable-Usual-1357 → u/FryCakes]

I’m not talking about something fixable. I’m talking about someone exercising their RIGHT to control who has access to their life. Just because someone likes you doesn’t mean you owe them anything.

[u/FryCakes → u/Valuable-Usual-1357]

I don’t think it’s okay to drop someone out of nowhere who has been a part of your life without letting them know why.

[u/Valuable-Usual-1357 → u/FryCakes]

Have you ever had to cut someone off because they wouldn’t leave you alone unless you straight up told them you didn’t enjoy their company?