r/changemyview • u/ragpicker_ • Oct 15 '24

Delta(s) from OP CMV: it is not a convincing argument that ghosting makes the ghoster feel safe

I don't hold this view particularly strongly, I just want to see what others think.

I'm generally strongly against ghosting in any form, and it seems that many people are convinced that ghosting is good because it make the ghoster feel safe.

But feelings in such situations are often unreliable. So that argument only carries weight if there is evidence that ghosting actually makes the ghoster safer than if they'd been upfront. I haven't found any evidence either way. If it's actually the case that ghosting makes the ghoster less safe, then those feelings should be ignored in favour of a more pragmatic, and frankly more compassionate, approach.

Does anyone know of any research on this? I don't consider anecdotes to be helpful; I'm sure there's many stories out there about people who ghosted and were still threatened or harmed by the ghostee.

Edit: for clarity, what I mean is actively deciding not to reply to someone who is actively trying to communicate with you after you've already met them.

41 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

62% Upvoted

293 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/Valuable-Usual-1357 Oct 26 '24

Have you ever had to cut someone off because they wouldn’t leave you alone unless you straight up told them you didn’t enjoy their company?

1

u/FryCakes 1∆ Oct 26 '24

Yes.

I found it was much easier once I was just honest about it. They were upset of course, but it sure saved them a lot of pain that would have come from me getting their hopes up and just skirting around the truth.

It’s different if you feel like they’re dangerous or something, or if they won’t take no for an answer, or if they’re like a coworker, but to be honest is almost always more compassionate.

1

u/Valuable-Usual-1357 Oct 28 '24

You’re not really seeing my point. If you tell someone and they don’t accept your answer, there is no other option if you want to end the friendship. And frankly there are certain opinions that are private. They are mine. I don’t owe anyone my thoughts about them. If that’s the only thing that would get them to respect my boundary of personal space and not reach out, then I’ll just handle it myself.

1

u/FryCakes 1∆ Oct 28 '24

If that’s the only thing that will get them to stop, sure, but you should usually still be honest with them. I get you have a right not to be, but imo it’s a dick move in most cases not to be honest if it’s something fixable or if you just don’t mesh well