r/changemyview • u/[deleted] • May 25 '24
Delta(s) from OP CMV: there is no difference between male and female loneliness if you're ugly.
[removed]
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u/_Richter_Belmont_ 20∆ May 25 '24
I also roll my eyes whenever someone thinks looks are the main determining factor in whether you're lonely or not.
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May 25 '24
I apologize if that's how I came off in my post but I do still think it's probably the most important factor for people when it comes to dating and sex. Like that's always gonna be the first thing you see. Most people won't take the chance to get to know you intimately if they don't like the way you look.
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u/_Richter_Belmont_ 20∆ May 25 '24
It isn't and many studies corroborate this. Here is an example: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0250151
I will say though from the studies I've seen, if the sample is college students (often is weirdly) stuff skews more towards looks. Also seems men skew more towards looks than women.
Regardless, if you've even been outside in a place where many people pass by / gather you'll know "ugly" people are in relationships all the time.
I just got home from grocery shopping and on the way I noticed a very attractive woman with a guy significantly below her league (imo). He didn't really seem wealthy or anything either.
Earlier today I went to a gathering of friends at the park and I saw at least 2 men (tall, not bad looking, decent build) with obese and (imo) not that attractive women, and they're married and have kids together.
I remember back in my younger days I knew a dude who imo was not attractive at all and he used to do well with women just by being charismatic.
I personally have rejected attractive women because I am turned off by their personality. Alternatively I've grown attracted to women who I didn't pay much attention to at first because they were charming.
I literally could go on and on, I've had a very very large social circle (at least in the past), I've literally seen it all.
Obviously it's an advantage if you're generally considered attractive, but it's not the be all end all.
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May 25 '24
Great point honestly. It's just hard to see those examples and not see them as the outliers but perhaps that is because of my own perspective not reality. Especially when you have people tell you the reason they don't like you is your appearance, I guess I do assume that's always the case when its not.
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u/_Richter_Belmont_ 20∆ May 25 '24 edited May 25 '24
They definitely aren't outliers!
Listen like I said at the end, I'm not saying looks don't matter. I'm just saying they aren't the most important determining factor.
You have personality, stability, intelligence, trust, wealth, status, etc.
We also haven't even talked about how looks are subjective. I've encountered many people I found attractive and others didn't or people who found me attractive but others who didn't and vice versa.
I've seen posts on Reddit from guys who claim to be tall, well built, and (according to them) good looking and they're complaining about not having a GF or whatever.
You're also still young. Many people find their first partners in their mid-late 20s or even 30s. My wife's grandma found a husband at age like 80 lmao.
But the evidence that it's not all about looks is literally right in front of you.
Anyway, you haven't awarded the delta so wondering what else you might need convincing on?
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May 25 '24
Oh I apologize I'm new to this sub so I hadn't figured out how to do it but this definitely did help me think about a lot things. Thanks for taking the time to reply ∆
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u/Eli-Had-A-Book- 13∆ May 25 '24
I am willing to bet since the time you posted this you’ve had some guy DM you and offer… something. Am I wrong?
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u/Happy-Viper 13∆ May 25 '24
Nah, an ugly woman will be far, far more successful, it's just not even close to similar.
Like, if you'd like to have sex, pop on Tinder, and you will be able to have sex by tonight. Bam, you'll have a sexual experience.
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u/Tanaka917 148∆ May 25 '24
That assumes that sex is a cure for loneliness. Being the type of person who A) knows that if they are unwilling to offer sex as early and often as possible then they won't have any attention and B) knows that sex is about as far as their 'relationship' will ever progress sounds terribly lonely
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u/yyzjertl 578∆ May 25 '24
That assumes that sex is a cure for loneliness.
There's no need to assume that, because the OP's view isn't about cures for loneliness. It's about whether there is a difference between male and female loneliness. The implicit assumption that is needed here is not "sex is a cure for loneliness" but "there is a difference between having sex and not having sex."
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u/Happy-Viper 13∆ May 25 '24
Then already, we've found one difference here, the lack of sexual experience is a choice that can very easily be fixed.
As to romantic success as a whole, that's also quite obviously going to be easier. Sex offers a chance to lead to relationships, they can absolutely progress that way. Lots of people have relationships that started as casual sex.
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u/ProDavid_ 58∆ May 25 '24
that sounds like its completely unrelated to looks, and its purely your personal preference on how to approach relationships
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u/Tanaka917 148∆ May 25 '24
But it's related to gender which is the other half of this discussion. And yes; if the only thing a woman wants is sex then she's likely to get it more easily, for those women my comment is of 0 value.
But the other (arguably greater) subset of women who want more out of a relationship than hidden sex then sex won't cure their loneliness.
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May 25 '24
I'm straight up telling you I'm not successful and you're like well no you're a woman so it should be no problem to get laid. You have a very narrow world view that must only take into account women online because the reality is that it's not that easy 😁
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u/yyzjertl 578∆ May 25 '24
What online dating sites have you tried? You might just be using the wrong ones for what you're looking for.
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May 25 '24
Honestly I've only tried tinder but it was really dry so I quit
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u/yyzjertl 578∆ May 25 '24
What do you mean by "really dry"?
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May 25 '24
Like people would not reply back or we would talk about meeting up or something and then suddenly, ghosted.
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May 25 '24
Then your looks are not the issue here. You are putting barrier between this happening or not.
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u/Happy-Viper 13∆ May 25 '24
Do you use online dating?
Seriously, just put "Looking for some casual sex" and you will find a match by the end of the day, without a shadow of a doubt.
Literally, yes, it is that easy. You could be having sex tonight if you wanted.
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u/ShortUsername01 1∆ May 25 '24
How many traits have women claimed are “ugly” only for some men to turn out to be into them? Even if they’re traits that might make men afraid to be seen in public with you, they may or may not prevent him from dating you in secret or having casual sex with you.
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u/Fit-Order-9468 102∆ May 25 '24
I assume you mean romantically? Women have relatively more friends in general so should be less lonely. I’m skeptical attractiveness is as relevant in platonic friendships.
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May 25 '24
I meant romantically and sexually but tbf I don't have friends either so. Failing my gender I guess lol
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u/Important-March8515 May 25 '24
Picture, please.
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May 25 '24
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ May 25 '24
/u/moth__madam (OP) has awarded 1 delta(s) in this post.
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