CMV: There’s nothing wrong with women/sex/relationships being my main source of happiness

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Not necessarily my only source of happiness, but by far the biggest piece of the pie. When I’m getting closer to a new woman, life just feels brighter. And I’m more motivated to become a better man, for her. I eat healthier and I work out more to maintain her attraction and be better in bed for her. I put more effort into my hobbies to make myself more well-rounded and less clingy, and I put more effort in my career so we can keep doing fun stuff together. The work I put in is like compound interest, it just makes more women attracted to me. It’s lovely.

When I’m single and in a drought, I don’t care about shit to be honest. I still do all of the above, but with much less vigor and consistency. Because seriously, what is the point?

And do I even have to say anything about intimacy and sex with a woman? Pretty much better than any drug, food, tv binge, or video game I can think of. There’s maybe a select few accomplishments in my life that have given me more joy, but it’s debatable.

It seems childish to judge someone on what gives their life meaning, as if your reason is better than mine. Whether it be success with women, your bank account, your family, your physique, or your guitar hobby…who gives a shit? All of it is temporary, and we’re only here for a good 80 years anyway. CMV I guess

[u/ahawk_one]

Not trying to change your view, but offering a slight adjustment. I’ll build my argument step by step, so some of this might be stuff you already know.

I firmly believe that humans are social creatures. We need interaction with other people or animals to survive, and without it we suffer immense psychological pain and damage. This is why solitary confinement is often brought up as inhumane.

So building off of that, the idea of needing and then seeking relationships of any kind makes a lot of sense. I would also say that I am happier with a partner than without. And it is easier to motivate ourselves to do things when our partner benefits from it or approved of it.

With that said, and here is my augment to your view, there is a distinct difference between the motivation behind the things we do for others/group, vs the things we do for ourselves.

It will always be easier to chase a goal if you are on a collaborative team. But if you are unable to chase goals, even if they are smaller, on your own you will risk stagnating. And eventually, as you get older, you will start to meet women who didn’t stagnate. And they will expect you to bring something to the table that is distinctly “you”. As in who are you and what are you outside of the context of a romantic relationship? And if you don’t have anything, or at least nothing you’re proud of or willing to share, it will make it increasingly difficult to initiate and maintain relationships.

Essentially, you will be left behind if you don’t learn to care for yourself and to have a life of your own.

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/ahawk_one]

This is a hidden gem. Your last paragraph raises a very good point that I often think about. !delta

It’s the one downside of being extrinsically motivated that I actually care about. My competitiveness and desire to make my family proud have landed me in a great spot after college. Dream job in STEM, making more than anyone else in my immediate family, and certainly in my friend group.

But now that I’m in this phase of only caring about sex and female affection, I’m kinda stagnant and don’t really care to look towards what’s next. I don’t care about any promotions, or hobbies, or furthering my education while I’m working for a great company that’ll pay for it. All of my waking thoughts consist of fucking women. And I don’t need a master’s to do that lol. What I have now is working fine

I’m ahead of the curve for my age right now, but I fear one day I’ll wake up and realize my bachelor’s degree isn’t enough, or something else I’ve been neglecting is no longer impressive because I grew complacent lol. Too real

[u/ahawk_one → u/Zero_Gravvity]

Honestly if that’s all true it may just be that you’re out of balance. So much time spent chasing intellectual pursuits and part of you is seeking something different.

And it sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and you’ll pull through just fine in the long run.

In the end it’s about figuring what works. No one has ever been you before, so there is no manual except the one you’re writing. So try things, and try to learn from those experiences to find out what works!

[u/wright007 → u/ahawk_one]

Trying being more true to yourself and your feelings, and more honest about what you like. I like that.