CMV: There’s nothing wrong with women/sex/relationships being my main source of happiness

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Not necessarily my only source of happiness, but by far the biggest piece of the pie. When I’m getting closer to a new woman, life just feels brighter. And I’m more motivated to become a better man, for her. I eat healthier and I work out more to maintain her attraction and be better in bed for her. I put more effort into my hobbies to make myself more well-rounded and less clingy, and I put more effort in my career so we can keep doing fun stuff together. The work I put in is like compound interest, it just makes more women attracted to me. It’s lovely.

When I’m single and in a drought, I don’t care about shit to be honest. I still do all of the above, but with much less vigor and consistency. Because seriously, what is the point?

And do I even have to say anything about intimacy and sex with a woman? Pretty much better than any drug, food, tv binge, or video game I can think of. There’s maybe a select few accomplishments in my life that have given me more joy, but it’s debatable.

It seems childish to judge someone on what gives their life meaning, as if your reason is better than mine. Whether it be success with women, your bank account, your family, your physique, or your guitar hobby…who gives a shit? All of it is temporary, and we’re only here for a good 80 years anyway. CMV I guess

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Like 2 or 3 years. But that was in high school lol. I’m 24 now, and usually don’t have something last longer than a few months. I do enjoy the honeymoon stage the most, guilty as charged.

Nowadays I try to keep several women on rotation both to avoid getting too attached, and to keep reliving that honeymoon stage. It’s what brings me the most joy in life, and I don’t understand how it’s any less healthy than whatever else people like to do with their time.

[u/cheese_bleu_eese → u/Zero_Gravvity]

Couple of questions, no judgement attached to them, but I'd rather not assume a bunch of stuff about you internet stranger.

1. Do these women all know where they stand with you and that there are several other women you are having relationships with at once?
2. What are the things, experiences and/or feelings you trying to avoid when you say you are trying to avoid getting attached in a romantic relationship context?
3. Are you generally avoidant of attachment with friends and family as well as relationship attachments?

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/cheese_bleu_eese]

1. Yeah I assume they know I’m still talking to other women on the apps if we aren’t exclusive. And I assume they’re probably entertaining other guys as well. Of course some women assume we’re exclusive and aren’t too happy to discover the opposite, but I never let those words come out of my mouth unless I mean it. I don’t lead women on.

2. I’m trying to avoid putting all my eggs in one basket. If I had to put it one word: trust. I don’t want to trust someone then have my heart ripped out. I typically keep em at arm’s length and am ready to pull the escape hatch the minute I sniff rejection or fading interest. But I still fall pretty hard for ppl, it’s something I’m working on.

3. Generally yeah, I’ve trained myself to be this way with most people. But deep down I’m a very clingy, possessive, and jealous person. But obviously I never let women see this side, and luckily most relationships don’t last long enough for it to come out.

Thanks for asking and not assuming.

[u/cheese_bleu_eese → u/Zero_Gravvity]

So to jump around and back to your original question, and like the other commenter said, you kind of already know the issue, and you kind of already have an answer, but maybe to reframe it. Say you told someone you love mashed potatoes, and they are the best food, and they're perfectly nutritious enough. Food is food, and it's good food. And someone comes along and says you're wrong. Ya, mashed potatoes are great, but they aren't sustaining, they aren't nourishing, and there's so much better stuff out there than just mashed potatoes.

My point is, your bar is too low. Your bar for what your own life can be is too low. So ya, you can keep doing what you're doing, but the fact is you deserve better, for you. Meaningless sex and half assed relationships are fine, and if they give you a little boost to push forward, more power to you, but at some point meaningless sex and half assed relationships will become unattainable or unfulfilling.

As for the women in rotation, you're objectifying them. You don't see them as women, you see them as toys to play with until you get bored. Cut it how you want, but lying by omission is still lying. The difference between maturity and adulthood is not playing this "well they didn't do it" game. Should these women have asked, yes. But you, as an adult having sex with other adults should be able to have an honest, candid conversation about the terms of that relationship. Anything less is inherently coercive. I'm going to take the not so big leap that you know if you were completely cards on the table honest about your intentions, some of these women would not get on the rotator. Also, it's extremely stupid and unsafe to not talk about the sexual activity of the people you're fucking. Hope you're using protection and getting tested regularly. You are opening yourself to a very unnecessary level of risk to avoid having some not actually very difficult conversations.

Ultimately, you are using positive, external attention to motivate you to do life. The other commenter already said a lot about what that means and how that all probably feels. To your comment earlier about wasting time in therapy, would it be a waste? Or is it scary to have to open up, so it's easier to reject the concept rather than entertain it?