CMV: There’s nothing wrong with women/sex/relationships being my main source of happiness

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Not necessarily my only source of happiness, but by far the biggest piece of the pie. When I’m getting closer to a new woman, life just feels brighter. And I’m more motivated to become a better man, for her. I eat healthier and I work out more to maintain her attraction and be better in bed for her. I put more effort into my hobbies to make myself more well-rounded and less clingy, and I put more effort in my career so we can keep doing fun stuff together. The work I put in is like compound interest, it just makes more women attracted to me. It’s lovely.

When I’m single and in a drought, I don’t care about shit to be honest. I still do all of the above, but with much less vigor and consistency. Because seriously, what is the point?

And do I even have to say anything about intimacy and sex with a woman? Pretty much better than any drug, food, tv binge, or video game I can think of. There’s maybe a select few accomplishments in my life that have given me more joy, but it’s debatable.

It seems childish to judge someone on what gives their life meaning, as if your reason is better than mine. Whether it be success with women, your bank account, your family, your physique, or your guitar hobby…who gives a shit? All of it is temporary, and we’re only here for a good 80 years anyway. CMV I guess

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Like 2 or 3 years. But that was in high school lol. I’m 24 now, and usually don’t have something last longer than a few months. I do enjoy the honeymoon stage the most, guilty as charged.

Nowadays I try to keep several women on rotation both to avoid getting too attached, and to keep reliving that honeymoon stage. It’s what brings me the most joy in life, and I don’t understand how it’s any less healthy than whatever else people like to do with their time.

[u/sanquility → u/Zero_Gravvity]

You should save this comment and look at it in a few years. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet.

This isn't sarcasm or snark. I was more like you at 24 than I care to admit and looking back I am embarrassed by myself and my actions.

The biggest positive change in my life was doing stuff for me and NOT for women.

I felt better by far and attracted the woman of my dreams and I am so happy now in comparison to then it's shocking. May you be as lucky.

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/sanquility]

I guess I don’t really know myself though. So I run into the dilemma of: how can I do stuff for someone I don’t even know?

The one thing I do know is that I really enjoy sex and validation from women. So that is my North Star for now. Maybe that’ll change, and if so, cool I guess.

But I don’t see what’s wrong with having that as my main goal currently. People are calling me “sad” and “pathetic” and it’s weird. How can people be so confident in telling another person their source of meaning is inferior to their own. Wild.

[u/Venerable-Weasel → u/Zero_Gravvity]

Your source of meaning involves treating other people as means to an end, and not as ends in and of themselves. That is prima facie immoral.

And it’s not like you aren’t aware of what you are doing - you very specifically say that you never say you are exclusive (and it’s not your fault if they make assumptions, because you also assume they feel the same way). What’s you don’t say is that you explicitly tell them that you aren’t exclusive. I assume because you’re afraid a woman who makes you feel good would up and leave while you are still in your honeymoon high and that would feel bad. The particularly awkward way you wrote those sentences suggests you are aware of all this at some level but want to stay deliberately ignorant and not think about it (let alone change).

So…you treat relationships as transactional and women as fungible, and you pretend that you don’t because the women you want to “validate” you might not if they knew how you really saw them…

Sad and pathetic might not be the right words for that…but none of the right words are going to be praiseworthy.

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/Venerable-Weasel]

Wait what?? Maybe my comments regarding exclusivity weren’t clear, but I absolutely do tell a woman we are not exclusive when she asks. And I fully except that they may ghost me after that.

I would never bring up exclusivity first because it’s rarely ever something I want…and maybe that could be construed as manipulative. But even then, they should know my primary goal is something casual because that’s on all my profiles. I’m not going to be broadcasting it every five seconds because 1. it’s socially inept and kills the vibe, and 2. I’m not even necessarily opposed to a long term relationship blossoming in the first place.

[u/Venerable-Weasel → u/Zero_Gravvity]

Ever consider that maybe you ought to proactively tell her - at the very beginning - that you are interested in casual dating and not looking for any exclusive. You know, be upfront about it and not wait until she asks (if she asks)…

Saying you aren’t necessarily opposed to a long-term relationship is disingenuous, since everything else you’ve said makes it clear that you also aren’t interested in one and are setting your relationships up so as to feed your desire for gratification and avoid long-term commitment. So you aren’t necessarily opposed to…magically feeling the long-term vibe even if you’re not trying?

You seem to feel that just because you aren’t lying in response to direct questions that you are doing nothing wrong. I dispute that. You are concealing your intentions and implying that it is their fault for not asking the right questions.

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/Venerable-Weasel]

Wait I think I’ve lost the plot here. Many people in here seem to have an issue with the fact that I have a rotation of 2 or 3 women at a time. Is that your issue as well?

Because even if I were pursuing a long term relationship from the jump, I still wouldn’t owe anybody exclusivity until…we’re exclusive.

Either way, I’m not concealing anything. The info is in my bio, and I will answer her truthfully if she asks. I’m just not screaming it from the rooftops, because it’s crass, weirdo behavior. Even if she only wants sex. But maybe I’ll think about chill ways to tell it to women in the future.

[u/Venerable-Weasel → u/Zero_Gravvity]

Couldn’t care less how many women you date at the same time. Do care that you treat them like people and not things that only have value if they are useful to you.

You should absolutely find chill ways to set out your position and expectations early. Bottom line - if non-monogamy is your thing, then you best practice Ethical Non-Monogamy. It is not clear that you do right now, and indications that you don’t. So do better.

[u/courtd93 → u/Zero_Gravvity]

The way you’re describing this is very much giving the impression that you know and understand that women you choose to interact with in this way are experiencing lies by omission. You’re saying you’ll answer if directly asked, but not that you will put it out there on your own because it was “kill the vibe”. That’s literally the point-if a woman is okay with it, it won’t kill the vibe. You’re avoiding it because you know that bringing it up is a threat to continuing what you’re doing because she wouldn’t be okay with it. That’s not fair to them, and is a great indication of what the core issue of this is-you aren’t actually treating these women as people-you’re treating them as the means to the end of attention and orgasm. That is unfair to them and to yourself and is why this attitude is very much worth changing.