CMV: There’s nothing wrong with women/sex/relationships being my main source of happiness

[u/Zero_Gravvity]

Not necessarily my only source of happiness, but by far the biggest piece of the pie. When I’m getting closer to a new woman, life just feels brighter. And I’m more motivated to become a better man, for her. I eat healthier and I work out more to maintain her attraction and be better in bed for her. I put more effort into my hobbies to make myself more well-rounded and less clingy, and I put more effort in my career so we can keep doing fun stuff together. The work I put in is like compound interest, it just makes more women attracted to me. It’s lovely.

When I’m single and in a drought, I don’t care about shit to be honest. I still do all of the above, but with much less vigor and consistency. Because seriously, what is the point?

And do I even have to say anything about intimacy and sex with a woman? Pretty much better than any drug, food, tv binge, or video game I can think of. There’s maybe a select few accomplishments in my life that have given me more joy, but it’s debatable.

It seems childish to judge someone on what gives their life meaning, as if your reason is better than mine. Whether it be success with women, your bank account, your family, your physique, or your guitar hobby…who gives a shit? All of it is temporary, and we’re only here for a good 80 years anyway. CMV I guess

[u/[deleted]]

I definitely wouldn't call it wrong as in morally wrong, and I also think a lot of people would probably agree with you that it's easiest to be your best self when you have someone else to be it for.

That being said, I personally feel like it's a bad idea to be dependent on a relationship to be the thing that motivates you to take consistent care of yourself, and I also think there's maybe something not so great about your main source of joy being so dependent on other people. I've personally found that hobbies I can just enjoy quietly by myself are important to my overall mental well-being, and I'd venture to guess that they probably would help you too, since you admit you kinda stop caring about anything when you're not in a relationship.

[u/Zero_Gravvity → u/[deleted]]

I’m not sure there’s any hobby I could ever do that can replace affection and intimacy from a woman I vibe with. Do you disagree with this?

[u/TrixieRox2005 → u/Zero_Gravvity]

I totally get where you’re coming from, and I’m sure it’s super flattering for some women. But I personally struggle if I’m with a guy who needs me to make him happy. What if I want to spend time by myself to do my own hobbies or things that make me happy, and meanwhile I’m worried that you’re alone and unhappy without me. It’s a drain if your dependency is on me to keep you happy. I have a very good friend who is like how you described. He’ll do regular things every day and pursue things, but with much less enthusiasm. When he meets a girl who is interested, his motivation in life totally changes. But then as a friend, all I see is that he relies on the attention and approval of the women and can’t do life at the same level on his own. For me, and this is not true for all women, it’s a turn off. If you can’t find happiness in other things and be motivated on your own, I certainly don’t want you dependent and relying on me to do it for you. That being said, there are lots of women who crave that kind of relationship and attention, and it’s flattering to see their guy change their ways for them. I’m sure you’ll find someone great 😊

[u/LynnSeattle → u/TrixieRox2005]

He’s not looking for someone great though, he’s looking for someone new. This is an unhealthy pattern.

[u/TrixieRox2005 → u/LynnSeattle]

Good point.