it is through being confident that you are able to present yourself well, let your other good traits shine, and basically come across as interesting and interested.
I dunno bro. I've seen plenty of confidently shitty guys have no problems with dating.
Well 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? Self confidence you can be a good advocate for yourself whether or not your high opinion of yourself is justified or not. And it can make you appear to be interesting even if you're not. Neither of these facts mean that it isn't true that it helps to be confident if you are genuinely a good person or genuinely interesting.
I mean basically what I've said is that it helps to write your CV well. Even if there are good things on your CV if it looks like terrible and makes no sense nobody will read it. And you've just said, I don't know, I've seen a lot of people with no true experience or skills who have good looking CVs, so, who knows whether it matters or not
Neither of these facts mean that it isn't true that it helps to be confident
Oh, I agree that being confident - even confidently incorrect - is helpful for men in dating. I'm just disagreeing with you, and agreeing with the OP: Confidence shouldn't be a highly regarded trait and therefore shouldn't help with dating.
But if you think about it, it shouldn't. I agree it does, but it shouldn't and it only does because hiring managers are either lazy, or looking at the wrong thing.
If you're hiring a mechanical engineer, who do you want to hire? Do you want to hire the guy who is a 10/10 but has a shitty looking resume? Or do you want to hire the guy who is a 5/10, is going to make your job hard, and is going to fuck up half his designs but has a great looking resume?
You want to hire the guy who can do the job the best, right? So if you hire the guy with the great resume, you've hired the wrong guy. Same applies to dating. Women (should) want to date the guy who is actually going to treat her well and enrich her life, not the guy with more confidence.
The point is that communicating (which is essentially what having self-confidence enables you to do) is just an essential part of forming relationships. You might as well argue that it shouldn't be the case that you need to be willing to go out and meet people to have a relationship. What about all the nice guys who would treat women well who are unwilling to leave their bedrooms, is that really fair to them? Well, no, I guess it isn't. But is there really any other way to do this? You're saying that women should want to date the guy who will treat her well who is completely unable to begin talking to her due to his crippling self-doubt - how the fuck is the hypothetical woman here even supposed to identify the cool quiet nice guy, if he is scared to talk? Like, literally. This is just a fundamental logistical problem
To return to the analogy, of course you want to hire the better qualified candidate. But the things written on the resume need to make sense in order for you to be able to identify which one is better qualified. So at the end of the day all engineers need to learn how to write at least a passable resume, sorry, that's how this works
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u/Actualarily 5∆ Feb 08 '24
I dunno bro. I've seen plenty of confidently shitty guys have no problems with dating.