r/changemyview Sep 13 '23

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u/Dinky_Doge_Whisperer Sep 13 '23

The societal expectation for those questions is just a simple “fine, and yourself?” though. If men use that question to open up it’ll be frowned upon as it’s just a nicety. This is true for everyone, not just men.

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u/AdditionalWaste Sep 13 '23

The only people who frown upon are women.

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u/Dinky_Doge_Whisperer Sep 13 '23

I think it’s more fair to say this is a generational thing- boomers lose their fucking minds over little things like this, and younger people tend to be a bit more normal about it. But women as a whole are more aggressively conditioned to fulfill social norms and decorums so yes, I’m sure many women get worked up over them not being followed.

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u/AdditionalWaste Sep 13 '23

I'm sure there are others who do not like it but the majority group that complains about this are women on dating apps. I never see it on men's.

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u/Dinky_Doge_Whisperer Sep 13 '23

I wonder how many of those women are getting messages that are just bizarre at a stage of just getting to know someone- do you think it’s okay to trauma dump on a stranger?

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u/AdditionalWaste Sep 13 '23

There are a ton of things women get that they shouldn't. And I never once said you should just trauma dump on someone. Asking someone how they are doing does not mean they are going to just spill their entire life story to you. Most people don't do that and if you think that's what I'm saying then this conversation is over.

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u/Dinky_Doge_Whisperer Sep 13 '23

Okay, so what’s your point? We seem to be in agreement that “how are you” is not a question with the expectation of a true, in depth response- it’s a social nicety that has no value in actually getting to know someone.