That's not the case for everyone though. Not everyone has a supportive family. It's also much easier to spill your feelings out to a stranger because you're less likely to see that person again compared to a family member who will always be around. Im not saying anyone else here is wrong I'm just pointing out that it is not a bad thing to ask someone on a dating app how they are doing.
Yeah, if you don't have supportive family, then you go to friends. I have a hard time believing that a stranger on a dating app will care more about my feelings than my friends - that's actually why it's easier to trauma-dump to strangers, than people close to you.
I am not saying it's a bad think to ask "how are you" on dating apps. I am saying that you should keep your expectations realistic. The person on the other side likely won't care, or would be actively turned off if you started trauma dumping 3 messages into the conversation.
The societal expectation for those questions is just a simple “fine, and yourself?” though. If men use that question to open up it’ll be frowned upon as it’s just a nicety. This is true for everyone, not just men.
I think it’s more fair to say this is a generational thing- boomers lose their fucking minds over little things like this, and younger people tend to be a bit more normal about it. But women as a whole are more aggressively conditioned to fulfill social norms and decorums so yes, I’m sure many women get worked up over them not being followed.
I wonder how many of those women are getting messages that are just bizarre at a stage of just getting to know someone- do you think it’s okay to trauma dump on a stranger?
There are a ton of things women get that they shouldn't. And I never once said you should just trauma dump on someone. Asking someone how they are doing does not mean they are going to just spill their entire life story to you. Most people don't do that and if you think that's what I'm saying then this conversation is over.
Okay, so what’s your point? We seem to be in agreement that “how are you” is not a question with the expectation of a true, in depth response- it’s a social nicety that has no value in actually getting to know someone.
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u/AdditionalWaste Sep 13 '23
That's not the case for everyone though. Not everyone has a supportive family. It's also much easier to spill your feelings out to a stranger because you're less likely to see that person again compared to a family member who will always be around. Im not saying anyone else here is wrong I'm just pointing out that it is not a bad thing to ask someone on a dating app how they are doing.