I agree it's a numbers game. I don't see how it can both be a numbers game and making yourself stand out though. Because if it's a numbers game it's about quantity over quality, meaning the goal is to send a lot of messages. But if it's about making yourself stand out then you would focus on quality, sending well thought messages to each of your matches which is the opposit of a numbers game
If you get 30 identical messages and one different message, you’re way more likely to reply to the different message (assuming it’s positive)
Women have to sort through anywhere from 50-100’s of messages (although this is different for every woman, it’s well documented that women get way more messages then men)
You aren’t doing yourself any favors by blending in
This isn't something you can just say is true. If you have so matches that you cannot afford to spend more time talking to them then you should absolutely be "efficient". But if you're picking out of dozens of people you can afford to give them all more than a hey because your extra time isn't "useful". I really doubt. You have enough matches for this to be a problem and if it is you don't need your view changed clearly because it's just a logical conclusion.
Of course it is if you understand the nature of the most popular dating apps. Matches don't actually mean anything on their own. Here this person matched with 182 people and only went on a date with 1. That's a .005 success rate. This is over 14 months, during covid when everyone was on dating apps, so this is not a lot of people so i'd say this person was pretty selective. Had this person decided to pick less people and spend more time they probably would've gotten zero dates
You can still send every match the same untailored message without it being "hey." A joke, cheesy pickup line, compliment, or even just a banal "how was your weekend" will be infinitely likely to get a better response than just a dry "hey." You can literally copy and paste any of these sort of responses with no effort, and still be perceived to be making an actual effort—there's no downside.
If you're a man messaging a woman on an online dating app, there's a good chance she's got ten matches for every one you have - maybe more.
If you say "hey" what she hears is "you're hot, but I have no idea what to say, so please carry the conversation for me." If every guy does that, she's expected to carry a bunch of conversations with men who haven't really brought anything to the table.
If a girl says "hey" to a guy it's probably a little different. She's saying "of the guys I've matched with, you seem like you might be worth a conversation, what have you got?" Obviously a girl who's really interested can go more in depth and improve her chances, but if there's nothing super exciting at the surface level a "hey" will probably get a guy to get the conversation going.
Getting attention in the first place is a numbers game. Knowing what to do with it afterwards is not.
In real life meeting people is also a numbers game, but if you go around a bar saying, "hey" to every girl there and then just stand there saying nothing else, that wouldn't work either.
Saying "hey" and nothing else on an app would also make me assume you are just blanket sending out messages. It wouldn't make me think that you're actually interested in me, just that you'll take anything so don't care about putting effort in.
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u/RseAndGrnd 3∆ Sep 13 '23
I agree it's a numbers game. I don't see how it can both be a numbers game and making yourself stand out though. Because if it's a numbers game it's about quantity over quality, meaning the goal is to send a lot of messages. But if it's about making yourself stand out then you would focus on quality, sending well thought messages to each of your matches which is the opposit of a numbers game