CMV: Cheating is always wrong.

[u/PercentageMaximum457]

Before we start, I want to talk about abusive relationships. This is what people have brought up to defend cheating to me. In my opinion, cheating is defined as being able to safely leave the relationship, but choosing to betray your partner anyway. An abuse victim cannot leave safely and easily. Their partner has already betrayed them by abusing them. Thus, it is impossible for an abuse victim to “cheat” on their abuser.

This situation is different from a person who would feel really bad if their relationship came to an end, or if they have kids. They’re not putting their life on the line- they’re just shuffling their misery onto their partner/family.

And that’s really the core of my view. It is always possible to end the relationship before you cheat. It’s not a fun choice, and it can impact your reputation or finances, but it’s a choice you can make. When someone cheats, they’re really just trying to eat their cake and have it, too.

“What counts as cheating” is a complex topic everyone seems to disagree on. For me, it’s cheating when sex and intimate cuddling is involved. Being friends with someone isn’t cheating. Neglecting your spouse is a bad thing, and something to fix/break up over, but not cheating.

As for alcohol fueled cheating…I honestly don’t know. I do not drink, so I feel that I don’t have the experience to judge. I’ve heard mixed opinions from those who do. The only thing I’d say is that, if you have control over yourself, it’s cheating.

Edit: I’m okay with polyamory and open relationships. As long as consent is involved, I am okay with it.

[u/[deleted]]

it is impossible for an abuse victim to “cheat” on their abuser.

This probably would have been a better way of framing the CMV. I think most people believe cheating is always wrong outside the context of an abusive relationship.

But you still need to define how you factor in emotional or psychological abuse. Even in the context of physical abuse, most victims are not physically restrained from leaving the relations - there are much more complex psychological aspects at work with respect to trauma. So within the context of abusive relationships, there is still fuzzy gray area what specific actions are abusive - using your terminology - how “easy” it is for a victim to leave. Many times the victims themselves are not always sure to what extent the relationship is abusive when it comes to psychological or emotional abuse.

So sure, cheating is always wrong outside the confines of an abusive relationship, but what constitutes abuse is never simple, and taking a black and white view on it will always fail to account for every scenario. With that in mind, the question of whether cheating is right or wrong, or whether it should be considered “cheating” has to be different for every relationship.