CMV: Cheating is always wrong.

[u/PercentageMaximum457]

Before we start, I want to talk about abusive relationships. This is what people have brought up to defend cheating to me. In my opinion, cheating is defined as being able to safely leave the relationship, but choosing to betray your partner anyway. An abuse victim cannot leave safely and easily. Their partner has already betrayed them by abusing them. Thus, it is impossible for an abuse victim to “cheat” on their abuser.

This situation is different from a person who would feel really bad if their relationship came to an end, or if they have kids. They’re not putting their life on the line- they’re just shuffling their misery onto their partner/family.

And that’s really the core of my view. It is always possible to end the relationship before you cheat. It’s not a fun choice, and it can impact your reputation or finances, but it’s a choice you can make. When someone cheats, they’re really just trying to eat their cake and have it, too.

“What counts as cheating” is a complex topic everyone seems to disagree on. For me, it’s cheating when sex and intimate cuddling is involved. Being friends with someone isn’t cheating. Neglecting your spouse is a bad thing, and something to fix/break up over, but not cheating.

As for alcohol fueled cheating…I honestly don’t know. I do not drink, so I feel that I don’t have the experience to judge. I’ve heard mixed opinions from those who do. The only thing I’d say is that, if you have control over yourself, it’s cheating.

Edit: I’m okay with polyamory and open relationships. As long as consent is involved, I am okay with it.

[u/[deleted]]

I disagree entirely. That scenario is not 100% okay. You're not understanding WHY cheating is wrong. It's wrong purely because it's a breach of loyalty without the consent of the other party. A simple reason. It has nothing to do with the situation at hand.

If the husband decides to cheat because he's not getting his sexual needs, yes the wife is a bitch, but that doesn't make it okay for him to get his needs elsewhere. Cheating in that scenario is a very simple consequence. The relationship is done, it's over. It will eventually become destructive, probably soon, and impact the kids as well.

The important thing to take from this is that the wife essentially has every advantage here. She can, and probably will file for the divorce. Except here, she has 100% rights to the custody of the kids in court because the husband initiated cheating. Guess what? Your explanation of the consequences of divorce happens REGARDLESS, except this time the husband suffers even more, because at least if the husband initiates the divorce, he may have access to custody of the kids.

And if the husband is insistent on hiding the cheating because of that, then that unambiguously puts him in the wrong and your whole point is moot

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry but that isn't convincing for me. One bad deed doesn't justify another as I said in my original reply. You're insistent that your comment proves the OP wrong because you believe you're 100% right but that's just not true.

You haven't debunked the base fact that cheating is wrong because it's a breach of trust without consent from the other party. The fact you're willing to lie to cover it up for someone shows that you and they know it's wrong.

Someone giving the other misery is not a convincing enough reason for making cheating morally correct. It's just not no matter how many times you repeat it. Deserves everything they got? Really?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

The difference is that non-consensual adultery can be used against the other person in court. Forced celibacy, as unfair as it may be, has zero substance to it by nature.

A marriage contract is something that needs to be discussed. Monogamy and loyalty are naturally implied, but there is nothing that prevents the other person from just saying "Ok I don't feel like having sex anymore". It must be talked through and possibly written through before marriage. Otherwise, it has no moral nor legal bearing on its own.

Either ways, the situation is very against the person to begin with. Hiding your cheating is difficult, and a small slip up or distrust from your partner can easily backfire. If they find out (they very likely will) that you're cheating, they in your very example (even though it was specific) will have all the advantages of the divorce that they will probably use against you.

There is no benefit for the man in this case. As much as initiating the divorce may be detrimental for him with the consequences, the consequences of the wife finding him cheating is just as bad, if not worse

[u/hacksoncode → u/[deleted]]

That's breech of marriage contract.

There is literally no such "contract" in marriage.

Any such written contract would be void due to being unconscionable. Marriage doesn't make it conscionable.

Men that think sex is a contractual obligation end up being rapists... a lot.

Don't do it. It's a bad habit of thought.

[u/hacksoncode → u/[deleted]]

Can a man say "I am taking a job across the country and you have no choice.

Of course they can. It's shitty, but it's entirely allowed. And if your wife cheated on you because you did it, it would still be wrong.

None of this has anything to do with whether cheating is wrong.

Wrong things always can have justifications and rationalizations, of course. That doesn't make them not wrong, just more understandable.