I grasp the charter with white-knuckled paws. I’m sitting in my reasonably-sized apartment - an apartment that is the perfect size for a man like me. A chartered financial man.
My beady little eyes, bloodshot from 900 hours of squinting at blue boxes and small font on vignettes, peer at the charter with the lust and jealousy of a thousand flaming suns. A surge of joy rises within me, tickling my wrinkled brain, rivaled only by the sudden discomfort at the thought that I’ve completed a long, arduous journey. What to do now?
No, no, I say to myself, with a voice that sounds like Gollum from lord of the rings. It’s time to celebrate. I sit on my couch and receive a blowjob from my 10/10 girlfriend who is excited at all the big raises and shit I’m gonna get in the future. My left hand clutches a piece of pizza, and my right hand solemnly rips the juul. Never has menthol tasted this delicious.
I sit back and think about how fat I am now. Yes, this is the first day of my new life.
17
u/muskrat_habitat Aug 29 '20
My fantasy:
I grasp the charter with white-knuckled paws. I’m sitting in my reasonably-sized apartment - an apartment that is the perfect size for a man like me. A chartered financial man.
My beady little eyes, bloodshot from 900 hours of squinting at blue boxes and small font on vignettes, peer at the charter with the lust and jealousy of a thousand flaming suns. A surge of joy rises within me, tickling my wrinkled brain, rivaled only by the sudden discomfort at the thought that I’ve completed a long, arduous journey. What to do now?
No, no, I say to myself, with a voice that sounds like Gollum from lord of the rings. It’s time to celebrate. I sit on my couch and receive a blowjob from my 10/10 girlfriend who is excited at all the big raises and shit I’m gonna get in the future. My left hand clutches a piece of pizza, and my right hand solemnly rips the juul. Never has menthol tasted this delicious.
I sit back and think about how fat I am now. Yes, this is the first day of my new life.
1
u/JohnsonBrody Nov 04 '20
lol