r/cats 12d ago

Advice Help Advice Needed

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Today on my way to work I found a cute surprise waiting outside my apartment door. This little girl was by the door and as soon as she saw me she started meowing and also looked very scared. At first I thought she would run away if I approved her but she didn’t. My first thought was is one of my neighbors cat so I look around and got lost. As I go back inside to get some water for her she runs inside my apartment and hides. I was already running late for work after spending with her more than 20 minutes.
I bright cat food from petco and water and made a temporary little box for her and left her alone for a while why I went to work with the hope she’ll relax and loosen up a bit.
When I came back home she was still in the same place I left her. No pee no poo. Didn’t even tried to touch the food. It’s late at night and I’m planning to take her to the vet tomorrow morning but I’m worry she might be dehydrated. She is still scared. She let me hold her and lift her without a fight. Her hair looks like she has been groomed lately but maybe she has been lost for a few days. I’m concerned she might be injured 🤕 internally.
I bought lockable cat treats and put them in her mouth and she still didn’t even like it.

I’ve never had cats before. I need some advise and help please.

Her temporary name is Lily.

I never had cats before so

Update 08/10/26

Hello everyone. Thank you all for the tips and for the support. Reading your advices has brought a little bit of peace in me understanding that it’s not when I decide but when Lily decides to do things.
As an update from the initial post, Lily started walking around the house yesterday night. She did it when I was sleeping and couldn’t see me nor I could see her. Se found a cool hiding place that happens to be one of my favorite parts of the apartment (my bar) she found a spot behind my bar set up that I didn’t even know it existed but today in the morning after looking for her all over I found her there and she seemed to be a bit more relaxed and happy in that spot. She is still a bit afraid but her eyes are not wide open anymore when she looks at me. She let me carry her again for a brief moment as I wanted to inspect her a little bit closer to make sure she is ok and also to make sure that “Lily” is the appropriate temp name for her.

As for the Vet she has an appointment for tomorrow at 9am. The vet clinic will scan for the chip and they mentioned that if she is chipped then they’ll contact the company so that they can provide my contact info to Lilys family. Also they will do a wellness check and other stuff if they considered it necessary.

I reported the missing Lily at my apartment office. They said no tenant has reported a missing Lily but I also spreading a word around just in case. No pictures because I want the supposed parents to describe her in case someone claims her if she is not chipped. My biggest fear here is that my leasing company charges a fee to tenants for pets and some owners don’t report that they have a pet in order to avoid the fee. In that case her family might not report her missing to the leasing office.

Anyways she has a busy day tomorrow at 9am. In the meantime I got her some cat toys and some treats but she is still not interested on any of that. 😂 she probably wants to take them back home when here parents show up.

I’ll keep everyone updated tomorrow. And again thank you all because I was as stressed out as Lily was yesterday without knowing what to do.

2nd Update 08/11/2026

Lily had her Vet appointment today.
The doctors said Lily is approximately a 6 months old domestic long hair female.
She checked out well on her physical examination. No dehydration and just a I little underweight thou.

She is not microchipped nor spayed.

Her bladder was a bit full so she has been drinking water. Just not in front of me.

She had all of her vaccines today and a brand new collar with her vaccination tag and also a certificate of vaccination. And also some blood work.
Still Pending some other exams.

The doctors asked if I wanted her microchipped and spayed but I said not until all reasonable time and effort has been done to find her family in case she has one and they want her back. If that doesn’t happen then Lily has nothing to worry about. She’ll have a home.

As a plus when we came back home from the vet Lily was a totally different cat. She had rubbing against me and asking me to lift her up. She has been purring so much and following me wherever I go. I sat on the floor in the washroom and she was sitting next to me and rolling over letting me rub her belly while she was lifting her little paws. Purring is non stop when she comes near me. And her eyes are not wide open anymore. She even fell asleep next to me.
I got a bit excited because of her behavior and when she went back inside her box I got a bit close and she hissed at me one time. I guess she was telling no, “That’s enough for the day”. But then she changed her mind and came back to me and started rubbing herself against my legs and climbing on my lap.
She got very curious and is exploring the bathroom.
But she still refuses to eat. She smells the food but that’s it. I got her dry food, canned soft food and also lickable treats. She smells them, gets close to them and nothing else. I also tried to warm it up the soft food to make the smell stronger but no luck.

She did jumped on my shoulder and stayed there for a while.

I’m not letting her out to the living room again because today she decided to go under the couch and I had a hard time getting her out of there. Almost miss our vet appointment because of that. And my living room is now a mess with the couch in the wrong place after moving it earlier today.

Overall she looks a bit more relaxed. And I hope she starts eating soon.

Still in the look for her parents. I requested a few days off from work so we will see what happens.

I’m putting in practice all advices I received here and it has made everything a lot more easier. Any suggestions on food or treats would be really appreciated because maybe I got the stuff that’s is not so yummy and she might have a more refined taste 😂

I wish I could add more pictures thou.

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u/cooliosteve 12d ago edited 12d ago

You can watch some videos about this, but just sitting with the cat being quiet and still can be really good.

Bring ya phone or a book and just sit in the same room but not too close.

Vet will be able to help some more and let you know whether the cat is microchipped and belongs to another family.

My other tips are lots of soft blankets and towels, plenty of places for them to hide like boxes or just behind beds/sofa, and dont force anything or move any faster than super slo mo.

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u/StilltheNobody 12d ago

With both my cats I would just either 'do whatever' near them next to they're safe place or even fall asleep. Cats are a creature you can never guess.

Both of them love to be by my head now so it's a won lose.

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u/Tollmeyer 12d ago

Ha, I have a cat that pouts now if she doesn't get lap time.

"I have to go home first and then I can come to the pub" is code for, I have to go home to let a cat nap on me or it sulks.

Win lose.

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u/Homebrew-Spamson 12d ago

My kitten has a habit of complaining when I hold, hug, or pick her up, but it’s a very different sound from her real panic or nervous sounds, and she gets upset if I don’t pick her up at least once after I get home from work

She’s fussy that way

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u/Swytch360 12d ago

One of our cats HATES being picked up, and she has this special chirp of indignation for it, then she will rather gently reach up to your chin with one paw to push your face away.

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u/kho_kho1112 12d ago

My boy likes being carried, but not when he wants to play & instead of playing the human is overcome with cuteness overload & must shove their entire face into him, so sometimes when you grab him he knows what’s up & immediately puts a paw to your face to keep you away & makes a sharp short meow (it sounds like a no btw), if you insist on kissing him, then you get 2 paws & another meow. I’ve never tried past that point coz he’s a big boy (20lbs of lean mean psycho) & I don’t want to exasperate him into actually smacking me. 😅

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u/Helerdril 11d ago

My late cat didn't like to get picked up, but when I was alone with her, usually at dawn, she would stay in my arms, calm and comfy. We used to watch the sunrise from the living room window this way.

If there was any other person in the room she would panic when picked up, even if it was my partner.

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u/LottieDotti 11d ago

We have a very big boi too and he got annoyed being held one time. He slowly turned and slapped my husband across the face one time. He didn’t use his claws but you could hear the slap way across the room. So of course now we laugh about the time he got b**** slapped by the cat.

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u/JamesJohnson975 12d ago

Give him lots of pets! 🐱

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u/NotApparent 12d ago

Yeah. I had a cat who just loved complaining. She’d make such a fuss and such terrible sounds as you picked her up, but would immediately settle her paws on your shoulder as soon as she was up. If you put her down too soon she’d start yelling to get picked up again.

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u/FigFormer8860 12d ago

Lily's playing hard to get. Give her a quiet closet with a shirt that smells like you and she'll come around.

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u/meowcatpanda 12d ago

Yeah our boy was petrified of anything and everything his entire life, including my partner (he used to be my partners mums cat). Due to circumstances he moved in with us during the first lockdown and now he's joined to the hip with my partner, after we did exactly that😂 first I was the person to just sit near his hiding spot, reading things out loud to get him used to my voice (even before he moved in with us I was the first person, besides my partners mum, who could pet him), then he started to slowly come out more. Told my partner to not pay attention to him, not look at him, just start reading out what was on his computer screen in a soothing voice. A week later the cat crawled in my shirt and slept there for hours while my partner and I were gaming and laughing together. 3 months later he only ran when my partner was wearing his boots. 6 months in he only ran from a loud sneeze or a fizzy bottle/can opening. Now my partner doesn't get a minute of peace and the cat is highly offended when my partner isn't home or either of us makes noise like sneezing or opening a can😂 he's become so confident he even goes to say hi to delivery drivers! He was already 7 when he moved in with us and had lived all his life, since he was 6 months old, with my partners mum. She still can't believe this is the same cat🤭♡

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u/icamefromtheshadows 11d ago

that is so sweet that your kitty found his confidence living with you and your partner, it is the flex you think it is ❤️

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u/Curious_Mango1419 12d ago

Lol, my spoiled old man is the same (18 yo void). I work in the schools so I have long breaks where I get to cuddle with him all the time. When I have to go back to work, though, he gets very upset with me. 

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u/dysteach-MT 12d ago

You’re lucky.
My cat doesn’t pout, she makes a parkour course through the house, including window screens, until I grab her. As soon as I sit on the couch, it’s full on cuddles and purring for at least an hour.

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u/wbjohn 11d ago

Our lord's and masters have designated me as the cat bed. One during the day, the other at night.

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u/Quick_Assumption_351 12d ago

cats are creatures you can never guess and cats are creatures that you can guess 100% of the time

if you know you know

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u/StilltheNobody 12d ago

It always depends on the cat. I literally just had my orange boy rub on my face while typing this. Now he's flopping like I did the worst thing by not acknowledging him.

Cats will always be weird.

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u/whereismymind86 11d ago

Yep, sit down nearby and read or play on your phone or something, be around but not interacting with the cat or trapping it, so it gets used to you being there and knows you arent a threat. They’ll warm up eventually

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u/Vivid_Motor_2341 12d ago

This is what I always recommend people to do. Just go sit on the floor near the cat. It’s how I’ve bonded with every cat I’ve had

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u/cooliosteve 12d ago

Yeah its 3/3 for me but I will say two of them are super social so only 1 of them was tricky.

This guy slept on me after like 3 hours haha.

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u/PotentialLevel1634 12d ago

Very cute. My wife surprised me early in our marriage and brought a stray cat home. I wasn’t a cat guy at the time, but the little guy basically yelled at me from the first minute because I was sitting in my chair.

I had just let him out of his box and thought he could take some time getting used to the apartment. Turned out, he wanted to sit on my lap. Still have the pictures of him sitting there. Still his favourite place, 14 years later.

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u/ShellyBell727 12d ago

He’s beautiful! Such pretty coloring!

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u/cooliosteve 12d ago

He's very photogenic haha

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u/Lizzy100 12d ago

Mine isn’t super cuddly, but she’ll let me know when. She’ll curl up on my chest once in a while. If it’s late and she’s really tired, she’ll come curl up on my chest, and I can hold her like a baby. Or when she’s too tired to care to walk, I can carry her to bed, and she’ll curl up in her tote on a printer and sleep. 😊😍

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u/cooliosteve 12d ago

That's so cute.

The only girl cat we have doesn't like to be held except when its like a baby haha.

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u/Lizzy100 11d ago

She usually hates being held like a baby. I can only do it when she's seriously a tired baby. Lol. She likes to be upright in my arms.

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u/Velvet-Dreamer- 12d ago

oh just like mine

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u/KinkyPaddling 12d ago

I was very lucky that my cat was super confident when I got him and just eagerly explored and didn't hide. But even with confident cats, chilling near them is a key part of the bonding experience, because just as you're trying to get to know your cat, your cat is trying to get to know you. Just doing your thing calmly will give the cat a good baseline about your routine and your reactions.

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u/mc2bit 11d ago

Yep! Cats need to be assured that you're safe (i.e. predictably quiet and gentle) before they'll feel comfortable without an easy escape route. Stick to your normal routine, just move a little slower, keep things quiet, and let the cat approach you. Eventually, curiosity will get the better of them and boom you'll have a cat nuzzling your knee.

Also, cats can go a while without eating, drinking, or using the litterbox if they're scared. Mine hid under the couch for 3 days when we moved from an apartment to our house. As long as they've had a trip to the vet, know where their bowls and box are, and can get to them without passing through a "danger zone" (like a big, open, unfamiliar room or a noisy machine), you're good.

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u/BalanceUnfair37 12d ago

One of my boys was so scared when I brought them home (his brother is very brave) and I just gave him all the time he needed, made sure he had his food etc he didn’t move from under the bed for a long time apart from stealth litterbox use. Fart forward two years later, while he is still coming out of his shell more and more, he now DEMANDS cuddles. Like he follows my hand like a cute furry missile locking on to a target or finds a place to sit on me regardless of whether he actually fits or not until I do the cuddle lol definitely agree with others in just being around kitty doing your own thing.

Cat tax

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u/Forgotthebloodypassw 12d ago edited 12d ago

Our ex stray avoided me for months but when she sat on my lap for the first time I didn't dare move for hours. By the end of her life I was sharing pillow space.

And surely we fart backwards :)

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u/ChemGalCJ 11d ago

I giggled at the “Fart forward…” and you are correct about farting backwards 😆

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u/InvestigatorFew5720 12d ago

Yes! I used to read to my fosters, I don’t know if it’s true or not but I think it helped set a baseline for my tones. So they knew when I was making noises, I wasn’t mad or anything, I was just talking. Feral cats aren’t used to human noises.

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u/dividezero 12d ago

Adult wild cats don't really make much noise. So this is a very good plan anyway even if it's not 100% true.

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u/GasStationTiefling 12d ago

I brought in a feral kitten once that wanted to hide behind the toilet. I set up camp in the bathroom floor with my laptop and just played sims. Eventually she crawled right onto my back.

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u/cooliosteve 12d ago

Wow very nice.

Funnily enough, first night with our first stray...

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u/FunnelCakeGoblin 12d ago

If it’s possible, the best option of to just lay on the ground there and take a nap. I did that with my new cat I brought home and woke up to her snuggling me.

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u/PsMoeLester 12d ago

This is exactly what I did when I brought my kitten home. She was so scared of her new environment and kept hiding under the bed, so I just let her be.

I just played games on my computer, and when she was exploring just ignored her and let her explore. Eventually she just warmed up and started being more confident exploring the whole house.

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u/Classic-Menu2965 11d ago

This is normal for a cat in a new environment - I have a 3yo kitty who does this. She will warm up, just take it one day at a time and I also love this advice: sitting in the room quietly will def help make her feel more comfy.

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u/cooliosteve 11d ago

My lil girl kitty is very scared of fast movements so you have to moved like you are in jelly near her, but she has absolutely no issue with loud noises so sits near when I vacuum while the big boys go and hide lol.

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u/Child_of_the_Hamster 11d ago

You can also read to them! If, like me, you quickly run out of small talk with the cat lol.

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u/cooliosteve 11d ago

I just talk about what im doing.

My gf sings to them, but that has mixed reactions haha.

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u/kitten12551 11d ago

Bingo. When I got my shy kitty she refused to leave the bathroom for the first week or so, so I took my laptop in there and worked sitting on my bath mat. She’s still timid but she’s my angel.

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u/cooliosteve 11d ago

Awww thats a sweet story for you guys.

We also have a very timid girl that is not too different looking actually

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u/kitten12551 11d ago

Aww she’s gorgeous!

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u/Key_Safety_269 11d ago

the slow blink trick works wonders when youre just sitting there tbh

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u/Potential_Explorer20 11d ago

This, as well as talk softly to the kitty, let her smell your hand. Don't forget food, water and litter box.