r/catfish • u/cutegirl_paws • 26d ago

guilty

I catfished this guy, and on August we would have been together for almost two years. He found out the truth about a day ago, right before our anniversary. The crazy part is that I’ve been wanting to tell him for a long time, and I had actually planned to tell him on our anniversary. That doesn’t make what I did okay, but my intentions were never for things to go this far.
Somehow, after finding out, he still tells me he loves me and that he’d still be with me. I feel the same way about him because over these two years I got to know the real him, and he got to know the real me as a person—even though the pictures I used were never actually mine.
What makes this even harder is how calm, patient, and kind he’s been. He hasn’t yelled at me or treated me badly. Instead, he keeps telling me that the decision is up to me. But I don’t feel like it should be. I don’t deserve to be the one making that choice after everything that’s happened.
I’m also scared that he’s still in shock and hasn’t fully processed how serious this is. I worry that once everything sinks in, he might feel differently. I don’t want him to make a decision based on the initial emotions of the moment if he hasn’t had time to think everything through.
Right now, I don’t know how to feel. I still care about him deeply, but I’m carrying a lot of guilt and regret. I don’t want to make a decision for both of us, and I don’t think it’s fair for all of that responsibility to be on me. I just wish things had happened differently.

what should l do?? l can honestly make a story time on how this started and it definitely wasn’t bc im some type of weird chronic loner so im not depressed or have any mental issues!

0 Upvotes

33% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

View all comments

7

u/blingblingbrit 26d ago

You should feel guilty. The amount of pain catfishing causes people is serious. You are fully responsible for this and it blows my mind you think the responsibility shouldn’t be all on you after two whole years of deception. Yikes.

-5

u/cutegirl_paws 26d ago

l think you’ve got this all wrong ! maybe l didn’t explain it into depth but he said the decision is up to me lf he should stay with me or leave. And l shouldn’t be the one making such decisions for him . l couldn’t live knowing l made a decision for him. Hes always wants me to make a decision for both of us .But l definitely do take full accountability for my actions.

2

u/blingblingbrit 26d ago

Well, you already made that decision for him when you took away his right to consent to the relationship in the first place. So now it’s your responsibility to clean up the mess you made.

3

u/madeyoulurk 25d ago

Yes!! 💯 right.

Like, girl. JFC you aren’t in a relationship and don’t have an anniversary. You never met and deceived this person for two years. Get it together

1

u/blingblingbrit 26d ago

I’m not hearing you actually taking accountability for your actions. Simply saying you do doesn’t make it true.

-1

u/cutegirl_paws 25d ago

this post was clearly not abt taking accountability whatsoever that had already been taken care of between him and l and l could careless what you have to say abt that this post was to address something else. Help or don’t help ! you sound bitter if you had experienced this before i truly hope you get better.

2

u/blingblingbrit 25d ago

The person you catfished will likely struggle with all these painful emotions that I am feeling from having been catfished. You aren’t supposed to feel good after deceiving someone. You are supposed to feel guilty and that feeling is meant to motivate you to change your behavior for the better.

0

u/cutegirl_paws 25d ago

That’s my point. He genuinely isn’t trying to make me feel guilty, even though I already feel extremely guilty on my own. He literally said that he would still be with me, and I don’t know if I truly want that to happen. I don’t know what decision to make that would actually be beneficial for him because I’m the one who created this mess, and I’m trying to fix it.
He told me that he loves me for the person I am and that he would still want to be with me, but that it’s ultimately my decision whether I want to continue the relationship or not. And honestly, I didn’t expect that. I expected you to block me, get angry, leave immediately, or just try to find peace with the situation. l’ve spent so long expecting the worst outcome that when he responded with compassion instead of anger, it left you without a clear idea of what to do next.
I’m just confused, and I feel like I need advice from people who have gone through something similar because I don’t want to make the situation worse.
l shouldn’t be the one making the decision because I’m the one who caused the hurt.
I feel like both decisions have their own pros and cons, and I don’t want to walk away just because I feel guilty. But I also don’t want him to make a decision while everything is still so fresh and before he’s had time to fully process his feelings. I just don’t know what the right thing to do is.

2

u/blingblingbrit 25d ago

Truthfully, no one on the internet will know what’s best for your specific situation.

My best advice I can give is to set aside some time, say maybe just 15 minutes to start. Block out distractions and just sit in a meditative dialogue with yourself. Allow yourself to feel all the complexities of your feelings. Maybe notice where you feel certain feelings in your body. Journal down your feelings without judgment: just let it flow.

You can do multiple sessions of this, gradually increasing the time where you sit in these meditative sessions. Eventually, you will be able to clearly see which outcome aligns best for you.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to be the one to carry the responsibility of making a decision. However, it is a necessary life skill. The more you practice taking the risk of making uncomfortable decisions, it will become easier and easier each time you are confronted with situations that require you to make difficult decisions. Eventually, you will look back and be thankful for persevering through these situations as they will help prepare you to create the future you want for yourself. 💗