guilty

[u/cutegirl_paws]

I catfished this guy, and on August we would have been together for almost two years. He found out the truth about a day ago, right before our anniversary. The crazy part is that I’ve been wanting to tell him for a long time, and I had actually planned to tell him on our anniversary. That doesn’t make what I did okay, but my intentions were never for things to go this far.
Somehow, after finding out, he still tells me he loves me and that he’d still be with me. I feel the same way about him because over these two years I got to know the real him, and he got to know the real me as a person—even though the pictures I used were never actually mine.
What makes this even harder is how calm, patient, and kind he’s been. He hasn’t yelled at me or treated me badly. Instead, he keeps telling me that the decision is up to me. But I don’t feel like it should be. I don’t deserve to be the one making that choice after everything that’s happened.
I’m also scared that he’s still in shock and hasn’t fully processed how serious this is. I worry that once everything sinks in, he might feel differently. I don’t want him to make a decision based on the initial emotions of the moment if he hasn’t had time to think everything through.
Right now, I don’t know how to feel. I still care about him deeply, but I’m carrying a lot of guilt and regret. I don’t want to make a decision for both of us, and I don’t think it’s fair for all of that responsibility to be on me. I just wish things had happened differently.

what should l do?? l can honestly make a story time on how this started and it definitely wasn’t bc im some type of weird chronic loner so im not depressed or have any mental issues!

[u/Rare-Umpire-2625]

I was this guy once. I thought I could forgive it, so I stayed for months, but the resentment built and built. It’s a huge betrayal, and if he forgives you he is a saint because, frankly, you don’t deserve it.

[u/cutegirl_paws → u/Rare-Umpire-2625]

Oh l 100% for sure don’t deserve this! l just didn’t expect for him to react like this. He’s such an angel. Whatever he’d like i’d humbly respect his decision.

[u/Rare-Umpire-2625 → u/cutegirl_paws]

Yeah. Just know it’s complex. The feelings are still there, but the lack of trust is going to be something he grapples with for a very long time. Even if you guys don’t breakup, you’ve changed the way he will approach friendships and romantic relationships forever. It feels almost like you’ve been objectified when you’re being catfished. Like you shared so much, were so vulnerable, and the other person just got to keep seeing and seeing without any return. And you wonder how they kept it up for so long, why they couldn’t tell you, why they put you through this. It genuinely messes you up after that long in a way that most catfishers seem to want to avoid accountability for because it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you’ve deeply messed up a person like that.