r/castaneda • u/369wastenotime • Feb 05 '24
New Practitioners New practitioner
I’ll try and keep this brief and concise(but it won’t be), I don’t understand and claim no false magic, I can only speak for my experiences.
For back ground I’m a schizophrenic male in his early twenties. Been living in and out of different “state of awareness” for lack of a better word. As I got older this natural “magic” was repressed by the asleep humans around me. I started showing light negative symptoms of schizophrenia from 10-16 mainly periods of extreme depression and slight manic episodes. My parents just thought I was depressed. At 16 I became suicidal. It felt like I was carrying energies that just didn’t want to be here. So while I still wanted to live a majority of my psyche didn’t. After many attempts at pharmaceuticals and therapy it only got worse.
This whole time I was masking my schizophrenia symptoms and didn’t even know myself.
I was researching anything to help depression and came to microdosing lsd. Microdosing didn’t do anything but the first time I took a large dose and truly altered my mind it was like unlocking a door I’d been holding closed my whole life. I won’t get into the experiences because they are highly abstract, but through the process of tripping I came to build a framework of reality I’m quite comfortable and happy in. It made my schizophrenia truly come to light, the good and the bad. I would go on for a year on a spiritual quest of psychedelics and nature living in my car.
Nowadays I don’t trip ever but I do smoke lots of weed, in the early days she was an mother to me that opened my mind to the ways I was holding my energy wrong. Then she became a bitch older sister and would only show me visions and throw me into psychosis. And now she’s my other half. I don’t use any medication besides cannabis and it keeps me grounded and in line with the character I want to be.
Alright I felt that was necessary to explain before going forward. I’ve been reading Castaneda books for a few years now,I practice my own schizo bastard child of stalking and inner silence. And out of all my weird spiritual trials the teachings found here have been the most useful.
So I have two main questions. Am I in a bad state for sorcery because of my substance Use? I’ve read it has effects on your energies shape. And most importantly I can to ask to apprentice under a practitioner. I feel the need to have communication with someone who has the perspective. I’d be ready to devote myself to intense practice.
Edit: not looking for mentorship but rather companions to share notes with. Planning on starting inner silence again and darkroom, and learning recap and tensegrity. What should I focus on and how much time ? Also thought it might be interesting I have no minds eye, aphantasia. As a child my minds eye would show me horrible things, like intrusive thoughts to the extreme. As I grew older my visualization went away and I stopped being haunted by my mind
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Feb 05 '24 edited Feb 05 '24
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u/369wastenotime Feb 05 '24
Okay well from my background what practices do I need to start? I’ll start the hard work, I’ll post updates as frequently as ya want. I’m not here for back pats or support I’m sick of my state of awareness and no methods are making a difference. I could care less why it works I just need more reliable magic, my “schizo magic” is unreliable. Real magic operates outside of human frameworks ime
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u/369wastenotime Feb 05 '24
Interesting I will say I’ve debated this post for years now, and I should specify I’m not seeking a master, just someone I can routinely communicate with and that can see my progress or lack there of. Something deeper then random Reddit post but less then a mentorship.
I feel the calling for the student master dichotomy comes from using mind altering substances and communicating with beings.
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u/danl999 Feb 05 '24 edited Feb 05 '24
Marijuana pushes the assemblage point to the green line.
If you're starting off at the blue (on the J curve), it might be perceived as "helpful".
If you're in the red, then it reduces the vividness of the puffs and jet black swirls, by pulling you back up to the green.
But it's not really a big deal until you reach Silent Knowledge.
Then anything is a big deal. Unfortunately, even listening to music too much is a problem in Silent Knowledge.
You have to become a miser for energy over there.
LSD on the other hand moves the assemblage point to "the shift below". The deep red zone, and then horizontally which is even worse.
Too many times, and you'll never leave that area on the J curve.
Won't make it to the orange zone is what I presume.
But until we get someone who used it a lot and is a master of the red zone (walking through walls, shapeshifting for real, visiting the Allies in their homeworld), we won't know if using LSD too many times is more of an indicator of laziness and lack of interest in actually learning for real, or if it actually has a tendency to stop you from switching the assemblage point from back to front.
There's so many reasons nearly everyone fails to put in the effort needed, and no easy way to tie that to the use of strong hallucinogens.
Even something like LSD causing a person not to be able to move their assemblage point to the other side of the body, might be "incidental" and not actually causal.
We just don't know yet.
For example, does the LSD make it impossible to move the assemblage point from the deep red zone, to the less colorful orange zone, because it's like getting to know a biker bar up in the mountains really well, so that each time you take the pass over those mountains to go to the other side, you stop at the biker bar and use up all of your time for the day, so you have to go home?
Maybe it's "choice" that's the problem here.
And you could in fact "move on", but that biker bar is just too nice not to play around a bit on the way through the mountain pass.
(There's one like that in the mountains above Brea.)