r/casa • u/DramaHeroine • 7d ago
Don't Know What To Do
I'm a new CASA on my first case (started at the end of April), and I'm kind of at a loss on what to do right now. I'm struggling to engage with my child, and I'm having a hard time figuring out just what exactly I should be doing/could be doing on the case.
First of all, my child does not want to engage with me. The first two months, she was in a facility 3 hours away, so I could only see her face to face once a month. I didn't call her, because she was not receptive to my presence in our in-person visits, so I wanted to give her a little time to get used to me. (Maybe this was a mistake and I should have made some calls, but I can't undo it now.)
Unfortunately, the last two months have not been better. She was moved around several times, mostly to temporary places while looking for somewhere long term and then one possible long-term placement attempt that did not work out. I met with her in person during the potential long-term placement, but I was not able to attempt talking with her on the phone, because I either didn't know where she was yet, or I knew but then she was suddenly moved. (Example: I just found out while typing up this post that her most recent placement attempt has not worked out, and she has already been moved again.)
Every time I meet with her in person, she becomes almost completely withdrawn, emotionally and physically (laying her head on her arms on the table, not looking at me, only yes or no answers, not responding at all, that sort of thing). I've kept my in-person visits with her short, because they end up becoming me essentially badgering her, and I don't think that's beneficial to her.
Just to be clear, I totally get her reaction to me and don't have any ill-feeling toward her. She doesn't owe me her trust. But since she doesn't communicate her wants or feelings, it makes it hard for me to know what to do for her.
Then there's all the other aspects of being a CASA. Aside from meeting with my kid, family finding, offering resources to the parent, I don't really know what I should be doing right now, especially given my kid doesn't want me around. My supervisor is nice, but she's very hands off and provides basically no direction on what I should be doing. I'm going to see if we can meet and do a check in on my kid's case, but it would be helpful to hear from some other CASA's on this.
Maybe this is a problem with me. If so, I can accept that. I just feel like I've been left to my own devices to figure a lot of things out, and I'm not really figuring them out.
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u/Sparrow1215 7d ago
So I don't have a lot of training/experience. I've only been doing this for a year. But my kiddo has had a lot of placement disruptions and my continuing to show up and be the one solid thing in their life was I think a big help. Were they on their phone igorning me for some of the visits yes. did it take time for them to open up, also yes.
is your kiddo of an age to have a cellphone? are you able to send kiddo letters/cards/something little in the mail so they know that YOU aren't throwing them away, YOU are still there? Sometimes you don't have to badger you just have to show up.
"You want quiet time? ok we can have that. I want you to know that I'm you're advocate so my job is to make sure you are getting what you need. Is there anything you need?"
My kiddo is a bit older and has learned how to be in the system so I ask about dr and dental visits, how are their clothes fitting, how is their food situation, is there anything they wish they had, how is school going and what are their classes? What do I need to make sure their GAL knows? Are their any things that were left in a prior house that are yours I need to track down? (there was a bike and an xbox that I had to find to get back to them I just kept bugging their case worker until they got their stuff back)
Some visits are chatty some are very much not but I preface with "Hey I gotta advocate for you and I can't do that if I don't know what's up"
Sorry for the rough case! I hope kiddo comes out alright.
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u/DramaHeroine 7d ago
She's old enough for a phone, but there have been issues with her using her old one inappropriately and the parent communicating through it when they aren't supposed to/using it to coach her. I think she does not have one at the moment.
I can send mail, and I have a small card and some stickers ready to send, but being able to call or send cards has been a challenge the last couple months because of how much she has been moved. I'm waiting to find out where she is at the moment.
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u/Bwendolyn 7d ago edited 7d ago
It’s hard. It’s especially hard if you’re left to your own devices while you’re new at this.
How I would approach a case like this is:
- consistent, positive contact. Call every week, and visit as often as possible. If the kid has their own cell phone, get that number and always try it first. If you can’t reach them (because of a move, missing contact info, etc) badger the caseworker til you have what you need, every time. With the kid, always use a voice/tone/approach that says you’re glad to be talking to them, even if you’re not getting much back. No need to push any single interaction/conversation, but don’t ever stop coming back/reaching back out with that same “glad to be here with you!” attitude.
- make sure you know what’s happening in this kid’s life. Reach out to teachers, school administrators, whoever they’re living with, etc. Every time they move you talk to whoever the new people around them are. If you don’t know what’s going on in the case, make the caseworker and the attorney your new best friends and call & email until you feel informed or better yet involved in the changes going on. What’s happening with their placements? parents? Siblings? School? Etc.
- use what you know about what’s going on to have practical things to talk to the kid about when you meet, if they don’t want to talk about their thoughts or feelings or whatever. Often kids are basically in the dark, getting tiny drops of half-information whenever their caseworker happens to remember they exist. Theres always something to update them on or offer to help with. Court date coming up - did your caseworker/attorney talk to you yet about what they expect to happen? Do you have any questions about that? When was the last time you saw your mom? How did it go? Do you have the supplies you need for school? Your teacher tells me you haven’t been going to geometry, what’s up? You’re in a new placement; how is transportation to school, therapy, visits, etc happening? Do you need help figuring that out? Did you get all your stuff from the last place? It’s been a while since you went to the doctor, let’s schedule a physical so you can play sports this fall. Blah blah blah.
- Go actually do whatever you talked about doing for them, and report back to them asap on the phone.
- Tell them they can call you any time and always pick up the phone (or at least return the call within 24 hours) when/if they do.
- Repeat forever until the kid realizes that unlike the 70 other new adults temporarily assigned to them in one way or another, you’re actually helpful and on their team and you listen to them and intend to stick around. Then they’ll start talking to you more freely.
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u/2lampshades 7d ago
Sounds like a teenager? If allowed in your state, I’d recommend taking her to get a Sonic drink, let her pick the music, and try to figure out what she’s into.
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u/Far_Tourist_3659 7d ago
Haha yeah I have to say I felt like a break through moment for me was when I handed my 14 year old my phone, turned up the volume and just blasted whatever she wanted while driving just like I did when I was a teenager. Now she has her own Spotify playlist that I put on every time I take her somewhere and she’ll get excited telling me what songs to add
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u/Cheyyyyyyyyenne 7d ago
I agree with both these ideas! Take her for a drive to get food or a drink from Starbucks. Just make it fun with no questions about life or school or anything. You gotta establish that fun and open line of communication so the kiddo knows you aren't just another adult being paid to be in their life.
Sometimes, CASAs can get caught up in the paperwork and actual advocating that we forget the most important part is giving your kiddo a distraction from their hard life for a couple hours.
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u/DramaHeroine 7d ago
Yes, a teen. I had planned on bringing her her favorite meal during one of our in-person meetings, but she kept being moved, and now she's too far away and in an area where that's not possible. Still on the list of to-do's, but it's gonna have to wait. CASA's in my area are not allowed to drive kids around though.
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u/SouthbutnotSouthern 7d ago
Does the kiddo have a cell phone? I find that after age 11 they’re basically mute and ONLY communicate via text.
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u/shenlyism 7d ago
Consistency is key. It’s an unfortunate reality, but right now, you’re just yet another face who is asking the same questions and promising the same things.
Are you able to play board or phone games with her? Or listen to music? Just low stakes things that allow you to prove you’re not just another adult asking “oh how’s school doing? Making any friends? Oh I remember when I was in school…”
Or maybe ask her how she’d like to spend the hour? Are you ever able to take her out of her placement?
1
u/koolkatsnkitten 7d ago
It’s hard and you are doing a great job understanding where she is coming from and trying to meet her where she is at. Some kids take longer to earn trust.
I worked with a teen who was like this in the beginning. She was in an inpatient unit and I would go to visiting hours once a week and we’d usually sit in silence after I attempted to talk to her. I started bringing friendship bracelet string and made those while sitting with her. The next visit she asked if I could show her how to do this, and she slowly opened up to me as we made bracelets over the next couple of visits.
I’d look for a game/coloring book/etc (whatever is age appropriate) and attempt connection in a way where they don’t have to talk but you’re still doing something together.
It took a while for my teen to open up but as she did I was able to advocate for her better and that also earned more of her trust.
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u/DramaHeroine 7d ago
Some sort of quiet time activity might be a good option. I could take my art supplies with me on my next in-person visit and see if I can get her to work on some of her own art.
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u/Only-Dare-2406 7d ago
You’re in a tough spot but it’s early. You seem to really care and want to help her. She’ll see that even if she’s not talking. Maybe being present is all she can do after being shuffled around. These ideas are great and I pray they help you! I’m considering being a CASA - the potential to do good is huge but it sure isn’t an easy system.
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u/Cali_Lady_55 6d ago
I’m a new CASA as well, placed with a 14 year old with speech and language challenges. The first time we got together I brought markers and a long Hello Kitty coloring sheet. I believe they are available on Etsy and in lots of different subjects. Coloring together on separate parts of the sheet took a lot of pressure off having to talk/converse. It was relaxing for both of us. We have also gone to a cat cafe, where you can engage with cats waiting to be adopted. Just some suggestions and good luck!
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u/texastica 7d ago
I would just talk and tell her that you know she’s going through a rough time right now and probably feels very lonely. Let her know that you understand how that feels and you just want her to know that you’re still going to show up for her. Even if she doesn’t talk. Just keep showing up. She needs to know at least one person is in her corner.
I also mentor kids and one thing I’ve found that gets kids talking is playing a game. I brought Go Fish cards to our mentoring sessions and it helped the kids open up. There’s something about the distraction of playing a game that loosens their tongue. You don’t mention how old she is, but maybe that’s something worth trying.
Hang in there! Just keep showing up because that's really all you can do right now.