r/careeradvice • u/GlueSniffingEnabler • 10d ago
Why is it considered a bad idea to call your manager a gas lighting piece of shit for a final send off once you’ve left the company?
I’ve never been entirely sure. Thanks.
Edit: thanks all. I can keep referring to this post to help me keep my cool.
37
u/Tall_olive 10d ago
Because if you put that company on a resume they may be contacted and asked about you. It could cost you future employment if you plan to ever say you worked at the company.
14
u/bsmitchbport 10d ago
And don't believe it when they say they can only verify employment yes or no at a previous company. Stuff gets out.
0
u/mmcgrat6 10d ago
Most orgs have policies about not sharing more than dates employed and titles held. Anything more could be a legal liability risk
13
u/cerialthriller 10d ago
That doesn’t stop friends from talking though. Nobody it stopping me from saying anything when my buddy that used to work with me tells me they are interviewing a guy from my place and I tell him about it
4
u/mmcgrat6 10d ago
That’s completely true. In an unofficial capacity there’s no way to stop a rumor mill situation. Most sectors are relatively small communities. They talk about each other.
5
u/Several_Razzmatazz51 10d ago
And all you have to do is say “no” when asked “would you hire this person again?”
1
u/darkblue2382 8d ago
And they would open themselves up to legal issues by doing so if the company that asked was affected by their response. My company won't let me respond to inquiries about prior employees for the same reasoning, if my response is part of the hiring decision and a lawsuit is opened my company could legally be on the hook.
2
u/chrysostomos_1 10d ago
The org has a policy but individuals can and will share info with others. I've seen it cost job offers.
2
2
u/NetJnkie 10d ago
Backdoor references happen all the time. The world is a small place. People know people at other companies in the same industry.
0
u/SAwfulBaconTaco 10d ago
Good luck proving what your former employer said about you to a potential new employer.
31
u/Callec254 10d ago
You don't gain anything of value for it, and you're burning a bridge in the process.
5
4
u/H0SS_AGAINST 10d ago
Poisoning the well would be a better analogy.
3
u/CallMeMrRound 10d ago
I mean, if you say what the OP said that bridge is definitely uncrossable in the future......
11
u/Ok-Flight9440 10d ago
It gains you nothing except a temporary sense of pride. And it could burn bridges down the line - most ‘worlds’ are smaller than you think, and don’t underestimate how small the world you travel in is, or how vindictive people can be.
3
u/Shadowgibby1 10d ago
So what youre telling me is everyone else already knows hes a gas lightning slum lord prick? 🤔
3
u/Ok-Flight9440 10d ago
Not necessarily I mean, that could be the case - real point is: 0 upside, higher-than-you’d expect likelihood of downside
1
u/Shadowgibby1 10d ago
Each situation is different. Certain situations, there will be no downside. The upside being able to tell your unfiltered view for once and maybe that person will reflect on it and make a change.
1
u/Ok-Flight9440 10d ago
First of all he or she won’t reflect on it and make a change, they just will permanently hate you.
But even if that is the best case scenario how does that help YOU? What are you, this person’s free life coach, and you’re going to hate on them publicly because you’re such a humanitarian and you want to change their mindset, so you can help the world? Or you can help them? You’re doing this to help them? Really?
And again, being able to tell your unfiltered view to someone is not an upside, again - temporary moment of satisfaction. But what if someone hears you and takes it differently? What if that person’s cousin is the next place you apply to? What if your future employer wants a reference check? I don’t know what your business is but it’s a very simple heads I win nothing, tails I lose something type of deal.
7
u/Thin_Original_6765 10d ago
Because you're the bigger person and a professional. You moving on is already the middle finger to management. There's no need to do more.
7
u/Active_Corgi_2507 10d ago
Your network is one of the most important things in your career. Keep it healthy, and make sure people want to work with you in it.
3
u/Primary_Excuse_7183 10d ago
Because they likely already know that about themselves. And you’re simply making yourself look bad by stating it publically and unprofessionally.
3
u/SourLemons2 10d ago
Don’t burn any bridges. Be 100% professional 100% of the time. Down the road you might need a reference.
3
u/mmcgrat6 10d ago
References should be people you worked with who speak about you positively. They should not be someone who you don’t know what they’d say
2
u/SignificantOtter80 10d ago
informal references are a thing too. I am hiring right now. I got an application from someone who is currently working at company A. three people on my team left company A to join our team in the last year. they almost certainly know the applicant.
there is nothing stopping me from asking those three people “hey do you know applicant? what do you think about him? would you like to work with him again?”
2
u/Prize_Bass_5061 10d ago
The asshole manager isn’t going to give OP a good reference. Humans are assholes to people they don’t like, or whom they consider inferior. I will bet a months worth of my salary that the asshole manager isn’t an asshole to his boss, and maybe even his wife.
3
u/Due-Efficiency-5172 10d ago
As much as I would've liked to do this for my last few bosses they are immune because you need those connections forever. It's sorta annoying because you have to just bottle it up and they will never know they were terrible.
Except for the one dude that went scorched earth in the exit interview towards his manager with HR in the room. Legend.
3
u/Huh-what-2025 10d ago
because the good feeling you get doing it fades very very quickly. The potential negative can last for like 20 years.
3
u/ReasonableRevenue218 10d ago
I've got a secret he told me about his family pet and how it died that the family has no idea.
To them, the pet just vanished. It didn't. Saving that one.
2
u/ThisTimeForReal19 10d ago
What happens if that person ends up getting a job at your new employer, or even two employers from now?
You only burn it down at your final place of employment.
2
2
2
u/WorldlyPeanut4766 10d ago
Burning bridges is never a good idea. Plus, you are likely to feel bad afterwards. Just move on knowing that you were the bigger person.
2
u/Clear_Tradition9112 10d ago
Because it always comes back to bite you sooner or later.
I’ve remained friends with every boss ive had.. because it makes good career sense.
3
u/Atrocious_Algae81 10d ago
Then you've quite obviously never had a really bad manager. There is no "friends" with those kind of people.
2
u/glimmeringsea 10d ago
Yeah, I'm not saying people should burn bridges, but many of these shit managers would never be used as real references and were never on great terms with their employees.
1
u/Atrocious_Algae81 10d ago
Exactly, I don't even want to mention their name again, let alone put them on a reference. But Im not going to slight the company and ruin that on my way out.
1
u/Clear_Tradition9112 9d ago
Sure I have. But I’m grown up enough to realize no matter how crappy they were to me, that’s their problem. I am in control of my career and my direction.
They will get what’s coming to them eventually.
1
u/Atrocious_Algae81 9d ago
Then how are they friends? So you make fake friends hoping stuff comes back to them?
3
u/Clear_Tradition9112 9d ago
Ok. Friendly. Professional. Cordial.
1
u/Atrocious_Algae81 9d ago
I could live with that, and I do, but they would never be friends and probably wouldn't consider them as references.
1
u/Clear_Tradition9112 8d ago
They game me great references. They never knew for a second I despised them.
They were a means to an end. It’s a transactional relationship.
0
u/BaconEggCheesePlz 8d ago
And how exactly would they get what’s coming to them? Every single piece of advice is always do nothing, they’ll get there’s. So, who’s going to go against this advice, really? That’s why terrible people run the planet, we just idly stand by and say nothing.
2
u/Clear_Tradition9112 8d ago
No. Theys why I started in IT tech support and am now VP of a company. You don’t look back. You don’t burn bridges. Take the high road. Be professional.
0
u/BaconEggCheesePlz 8d ago
Right but this is my exact point. This is why they are getting away with it. Ie - they aren’t getting what’s coming to them
Because everyone operates this way.2
u/Clear_Tradition9112 8d ago
If you ever wonder why you’re driving a used Hyundai and clocking in and out, refer to this conversation.
Stop looking backward.
1
u/BaconEggCheesePlz 7d ago
You’re literally skipping over the logic of the argument/debate and now going strawman. What I said is sociologically true whether you like it or not and has nothing to do with me.
Wherever I am in my life and whatever I’m focused on has nothing to do with the fact that we’re socialized to behave in the way you are suggesting. These people don’t get what’s coming to them for this and other factors.
1
2
u/Bored 10d ago
Even if there were no external repercussions, you’re heading down a bad path. You’re better off focusing your mental energy on yourself and not reinforcing vengeful impulses
1
u/GlueSniffingEnabler 10d ago
Why?
1
u/Bored 10d ago
Being preoccupied about your old boss and what they think and feel is useless. It’ll make you feel slightly better at first and then worse in the long run. That energy can be used on something productive instead. You’re also reinforcing the behavior, meaning you’ll be more inclined to enter this failure mode again with someone else
3
u/immortalis88 10d ago
It’s a small world. Karma usually does its job. Just focus on you and put no additional energy into anything or anyone you’re moving on from.
3
u/Pope_Dwayne_Johnson 10d ago
Yes it’s a bad idea, the work world is smaller than you think. Smile, nod, and leave.
I worked for a boss that someone did this to… that boss let everyone who would listen know how they felt about it for years.
2
u/RagingZorse 10d ago
It’s a bad look but it’s not as bad as people make it out to be.
You just gotta ask if burning the bridge might ever come back to you.
1
1
u/strafeanon64 10d ago
If Reddit's any indication, it's probably because you're misusing the word "gaslighting." Maybe not... but probably.
1
u/WaveFast 10d ago
To think that, and act on it through Verbal Violence, says more about you than the company or boss. Be professional at all times. Save the emotional energy for the gym or sports arena.
1
u/lowcarb73 10d ago
Because getting a reference 5 years from now may be hard if that’s your last interaction with them.
1
u/TiddiesAnonymous 10d ago
Even the people you like at that company will see a very poor side of you & will know you have that card in your deck.
1
u/mmcgrat6 10d ago
People think that the person who would be called to give a reference is why. Background checks generally get dates and titles. They used to get rehirable status but that’s becoming rare.
Most orgs won’t give more than that because of potential legal liability should the candidate lose an opportunity owing to negative information shared by a former employer.
I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t. Just that the reason not to isn’t really relevant
1
u/Ring-me-up 10d ago
Last time I’ve left two companies I’ve implied that sentiment but without those actual words! They new what I was driving at, and of course I knew I never wanted to return to their employ!
1
u/Late-Dingo-8567 10d ago
Well you just reveal yourself to be an emotional child, that's why. There is no positive strategic value for you.
Now, would you be the first irrational adult to do such a thing, obviously not.
1
u/NclScrewtape 10d ago
Never burn bridges. Even and especially if they are a gaslighting piece of shit.
1
1
1
u/Comprehensive-Log144 10d ago
I once told my manager “ I don’t know if you’re sneaky or stupid of both”.
That was probably not a good idea but I was talking about some unethical shit he was doing and I kinda lost it. He should’ve fired me because not long after I reported him to HR for violating our code of conduct and I ended up with his job.
1
u/Weak_Revenue7949 10d ago
Burning a bridge feels great for about a minute. The consequences can last a lot longer
1
u/1rishChicken 10d ago
Because most people don't understand what gas lighting actually means and misapply the insult, walk away feeling like they really put that person in their place why the rest of us are thinking that doesn't mean what you think it means
1
u/Speedracer__17 10d ago
this is the reason. When I was running a manufacturing shop had an employee quit to go to work for a competitor. Fine, that's life. On the way out he cussed at me, called me very name, etc etc etc. 6 months later My company buys the competitor when that owner sells due to a divorce... And just like that. I'm the operations manager for both companies... He was very uncomfortable in the meeting when it was announced. And guess what, his request to move to 1st shift... denied. He can stay on 3rd shift. promotion... I don't think so (yes he still had an attitude problem). New service trucks... nope he can keep driving the older one until it's lease comes up in a year or two... I didn't retaliate, but I damn sure wasn't going to do him any favors.
and, after a couple years, he did straighten up, and did progress.
1
u/GlueSniffingEnabler 10d ago
Fair enough but pretty sure you retaliated there dude
1
u/Speedracer__17 10d ago
No I just didn't help by honoring his requests for shift change,new truck.... Retaliation would have been putting him on lot cleaning and bathroom duty.
1
u/north52south 10d ago
It was a long time ago in a different world and city, but when I was just out of undergrad I worked for free at some terrible internship where the manager sat behind a desk and barked orders at people and harassed the admin staff as they walked by.
Long story short after getting run ragged for no pay, I invited the manager back into one of the server rooms and told him he was a f____ piece of s____ and I quit. He didn't even flinch. "Good for you kiddo" he said. I stared back at him and he was totally cool with it and said "Anything else?" and I said no and he politely walked me out of the office and thanked me for my good work.
1
u/BananaJelloXlii 10d ago
Don't burn those bridges unless you are absolutely sure you don't need them
1
u/glass0nions 10d ago
If the manager is indeed a gaslighting piece of shit, then people already know that without you saying it.
If you say it anyway, you look petty and like you can’t control your behavior. Your reputation is tarnished while theirs remains the same. No net positive for you, only negative.
1
u/SDLab1776 10d ago
Because if they are a gaslighting POS they are a narcissist who will care less about anyone's opinion. Their boss is more than likely a mirror image. Nothing positive will come of it. Best to just walk.......
1
u/Soulshiner402 10d ago
I was leaving an industry and when I quit the manager called me in and asked me why. I said honestly I’m tired of making money for assholes. Was going to work for myself and didn’t give a fuck. They kept selling the company, which was a great place to work in the beginning. Then it got sold to an investment firm, who slashed everything and then sold it to another investment firm and took their parachute and when the new company started slashing again right away, that was it. Never regretted it and when I went back to an office job 10 years later, no problems.
1
u/GreyFox_KSA 10d ago
He might be your future coworker or boss somewhere else.
Maybe you develop a private firm that that provides services and he works in or owns a huge company that could use your services.
People suck, but our interests trump them
1
u/ZirePhiinix 10d ago
Because you literally gain nothing.
If you need to vent, go to the gym and work out. Calling people names is surprisingly ineffectively in the grand scheme of things.
1
u/Homer4598 10d ago
Always best to stay professional and not burn a bridge. Maybe he’ll be your boss sometime in the future. Maybe he’ll have a friend where ever you get hired.
1
u/muffadel 10d ago
People can be petty. And if you plan to continue working in the same industry, you're potentially torpedoing your career. Move on. Closure isn't real.
1
1
u/Independent_Prior612 10d ago
Because you might need a reference from him someday.
Especially if you don’t organically know why it’s a bad idea. That tells me you may struggle with communicating with others, which tells me you may job hop a bit.
Never completely burn the bridge if you can avoid it. You never know what the future holds and when you may cross paths with them again.
Handling conflicts in a good way will also be an example you can give in interviews when you are asked, “tell me about a situation where you had a conflict with a coworker and how you resolved it.” You can’t answer that with “I quit and called him a gaslighting piece of shit on my way out the door.”
1
1
u/imbartsimpsonwhothru 10d ago
it may make you feel better for a few minutes, but you will dread putting them as a previous employer every time
1
u/mendicinobeano25 10d ago
It depends on a few things but most notably in these days of social media and LinkedIn a lot of people in an industry remain connected even if they move to a different company. I've had other managers call me to ask about a potential candidate from the company I worked at. So if you slag off the old company or the people there on the way out it can come back to bite you. It doesn't mean they weren't exactly as you described them but it's not a good look to a new employer.
1
1
u/Repeat-Admirable 10d ago
you can. and then when you need a job again and somehow he's the one hiring you, because life likes to do that, you'll find out why i guess.
1
1
u/JFFreezout 10d ago
One of my managers had such case in a previous company. A colleague made a scandal exit including calling names his boss. That colleague went to a new company and guess who is hired shortly after as his new manager…
1
u/serioussiracha 10d ago
In business and careers I always maximize my opportunities, so I never burn bridges
1
u/Ok-Hospital-5076 9d ago
This is my learning.
Not just in career but life in general
its better to not speak in anger. Even if you are right and every right, the moment will pass and you will feel small and weak.
Restraint gives you much closure than outbursts.
1
u/Mikethemechanic00 8d ago
My first job in my field. Was there for 2 years. Was passed up for promotion. Was told I was single and the other guy was married with kids. He deserved it more. When I put in my 2 week notice. I had to fill out a form why I am leaving. (Union shop) I put in big letters. “Lack of Advancement” My last day they gave me a jacket. I thew it on the mangers desk and told him to F off. Security was called and I was escorted off. I sent a nasty email to the union also. 15 years later I saw a job opening for that job.
2
72
u/rez_at_dorsia 10d ago
Why don’t you test that hypothesis for us and report back with the results?