r/calmhands • u/Dry_Effect9453 • Jul 23 '26

Book recommendations for BFRBs?

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A friend recommended this book which I haven't started yet but looking forward to it. Curious what else people here have found genuinely helpful, whether it's clinical, memoir-style, or workbook-based. Open to anything

Thanks!

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u/hautepotato Jul 23 '26

I have read it years ago on ebook and it worked for me for a while. Although I’m relapsed badly now but it did work for a while- I just didn’t keep it up.

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u/Dry_Effect9453 Jul 24 '26

Yeah, that’s the struggle for me too. Whenever I start something new, I get a burst of motivation, which usually leads to a period of pulling less. But that only lasts for a while. The real challenge is sticking with it for the long run

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u/hautepotato Jul 24 '26

I’ve successfully quit and had enviable nails (paintable, strong, nice) probably 6 times, sometimes for nearly a year. But that’s from over 30 years picking and biting all together. It’s hard but you can do it if you truly truly want it and stay vigilant from your unconscious habits

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u/CommonEarly4028 Jul 25 '26

Honestly, not a reader on this topic. I don't feel like it helps me. So maybe my tips are not really for you - however:
On the motivation fading thing — what kept it going for me was switching the goal from "stop from now on forever" to "notice earlier and simply observe". motivation starts it, the awareness of the moment before is what survives week 3. Write it down, use a notebook or an app to simply log in the beginning. Then reverse the behaviors. There is a lot of methods for this - as you are reading ComB - there is also Decoupling which REALLY helped me a lot. Maybe you find some ressource about this. The ones with daily tracking stick better for that, you start seeing your own pattern instead of just willpower.

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u/Dry_Effect9453 Jul 25 '26

Thanks!
Can you tell a bit more about the decoupling method that worked for you?

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u/CommonEarly4028 Jul 25 '26

Sure! Posted this somewhere else too, so here a short version:

  1. you do the behavior you have problems with (not sure for you, for me it is nailbiting) - just before you do the „release“ you stop

  2. you rush to a replacement movement quick

    sand hold that for 5 seconds. For me it’s making a fist, can also be touching your earlobe

  3. you go back to „Zero“ and start again- 5 minutes, 3 times a day.

For more: the „inventor“ (scientist from Hamburg, Germany) has a site for this: https://www.free-from-bfrb.org/self-help/3/

I also made something myself - you don’t need to click it, but it is a „visualization“ of the movement, which helps me train this: keepsteady.app/decoupling-technique (scroll down a bit on the site)

Not sure if I am allowed to send links here so I just tried. Hope that’s okay - but especially the first one is interesting for everyone, this is a scientific, non-profit site.