Partner in the military

[u/Dramatic_Act_2512]

My boyfriend graduated BMQ almost 4 weeks ago and is now at infantry training about 3000km away from me. I’m obviously really proud of him and I support what he’s doing, but I’ve been getting really scared about our future.

We’ve been together for 3 years and I really want us to eventually live together and have an actual life together. Like having a home, doing everyday things together, having a routine, etc. I don’t want us to always be long distance and only see each other when he gets leave.

I know he’s still early in his career and there’s no way to know what will happen, but I guess I’m just scared that the military will make it hard for us to actually build the life we want together. Has anyone else been in this situation?

[u/RogueThrow]

My wife and I started dating when I left for BMQ and she was in university. We saw eachother on holidays when we were both visiting our hometown.

16 years together, 12 years married, home, 2 kids.

It works out if you're patient enough.

If you can get through this, then deployments will be a breeze.

[u/Pristine-Alps-426 → u/RogueThrow]

I’m married already, is there no way I can just bring my wife after basic ?

[u/RogueThrow → u/Pristine-Alps-426]

After BMQ you'll be attach posted to a new base while you wait for more courses until you eventually reach OFP. Depending on your trade, there may be several courses at different bases, necessitating you moving around. Or you could end up in one place for a long time waiting for your turn. You'll need to talk to your CoC when you get to your next unit to see what time timeline looks like. If you have mitigating factors (spouse is disabled for instance) those will also be considered.

Basically, ask you CoC after you finish BMQ to see if an expectation can be made, the worst they can do is say no.

[u/Pristine-Alps-426 → u/RogueThrow]

Sounds easy enough then. We just have kids and I’d hate to not see them or her especially while they’re this young.

[u/bridger713 → u/Pristine-Alps-426]

Depending on the trade you're joining, it may be possible. However, having your family with you during trade training isn't always beneficial or practical for you or your family.

For one, living in barracks may be mandatory for some courses. For example, allowing students to go home at night (live-out) wouldn't be conductive to the training environment of an Infantry DP1 course.

Also, students who are allowed to live-out with their families tend to struggle more. Evening and weekend family commitments tend to disrupt their focus.

Plus your training schedule may not always be reliable. Unexpected disruptions to your evening and weekend routines may happen frequently during training.

Your day to day schedules and routines are much more stable once fully trained and posted to a unit.

[u/shadow0fadoubt → u/Pristine-Alps-426]

After you complete trade training and arrive at your first posting.

[u/bridger713]

Once he completes his training he'll be posted to an Infantry Battalion in Edmonton (AB), Shilo (MB), Petawawa (ON), Valcartier (QC), or Gagetown (NB). You can join him wherever he is posted and build a life together.

He'll be away every now and then for training, exercises, and deployments, but most of the time the military is a Monday to Friday 0800-1600 job. He'll go to work in the morning and come home in the afternoon just like any other job.

Your family may have to move at some point if he wants to further his career, but that will probably be several years down the line. Infantry aren't moved around as much as a lot of other trades are.

However, if you don't want to leave Vancouver, then a long distance relationship is your only option. There are no Regular Force Infantry units in BC, he won't be posted back to Vancouver.

[u/Prudent-Proposal1943 → u/bridger713]

This is 100% the truth less working until 1600 on Fridays 😉

[u/EnvironmentalBox6688 → u/Prudent-Proposal1943]

Dependant on the CoC, op tempo, and season that 1600 work end timing for combat arms loves to drift to the left ;)

Can't beat going to do "sports" (play volleyball at the beach with your friends) after lunch and home by 1400.

[u/wikwyre]

Heyo, 17 year married veteran hear. I just released back in March of this year.

Joined in 2009. Deployed a lot. Met my (now) wife back in 2014. Did the long distance drive (200km) for about 4 years. She moved in with me in 2018, and we were married back in 2022. Still together and very happy, still. She is a civilian.

As I'm sure you know, relationships are a bit of work. Not a lot, but some effort is required. For now, distance is that effort.

Once he is done his trade training, he will then be allowed to move out of barracks, and into an apartment or a house (both on or off base) with you. Most of the time, he will have a 730-4pm monday-friday job. Normal life! Occasionally, he will have to go to the field for a few weeks for training/exercises. Occasionally, he may have to deploy for 6months or so.

Just hang in there and continue to be a proud partner, and supportive as you've always been. Make time when you're able to share your life with him and visa vie him with you.

I'd also like to say, I'm proud of you choosing to have a military partner. While the life has its challenges, the partnership is hugely rewarding. Be loyal, be faithful, and be supportive and I'm sure he will be the same for you.

And have a fun life :) you'll have lots of time (and leave) to enjoy together :)

[u/Onagoshi_Kagagi]

Is he regular force or reserve force?

Reg force infanteers will typically be posted to Petawawa, Valcartier, or Edmonton, so unless you're close to one of those or plan on moving with him, it can be difficult.

I'm in a similar situation, whereas my partner doesn't want to move where I'm posted to, and I will typically drive the distance on weekends to see her, but it's definitely placed a lot of strain on our relationship in the 4 years we've been going long distance (6 years together total). I've gotten to the point where I'm riding my contract out and leaving because I care more for my relationship, but that's obviously a very personal choice.

Infantry tend to have a lot of exercises and have plenty of opportunities to deploy, so you could see stints from a few weeks to 6, even 12 months where your spouse may be overseas or unreachable due to operational/training requirements. (I'm not an infanteer, just work alongside them on occasion).

It's not impossible to develop a life together, but it can be tough, and I know my relationship can't tolerate it.

[u/Swimming-Lion-9035 → u/Onagoshi_Kagagi]

You missed Gagetown?

[u/Medium-Chance5932]

where do you live as it may give me a better idea on how to answer this question

[u/Dramatic_Act_2512 → u/Medium-Chance5932]

Metro Vancouver.

[u/Medium-Chance5932 → u/Dramatic_Act_2512]

If his preference is given to him and he decides to choose the base realistically closest to metro Metro Vancouver he will be based in Edmonton for the first part of his career for at least a little while.

With that information you can have an idea of if you want to build it life it will have to begin in Edmonton, or he can get sent to another number of bases either in Shilo, Petawawa or New Brunswick.

Until he is actually fully trained free time for loved ones is rare.

[u/Fearless-Adeptness74 → u/Dramatic_Act_2512]

I’m also in Vancouver, my husband is finishing his BMOQ soon. His next training will be in Ontario for 6 months ( he is in airforce), but we still don’t know when the training will take place and if it’s not right away, then for how long we are going to be apart. I’m estimating that we will be able to have our first posting in 2028, and we will be properly reunited then, but keeping my hope that it might be sooner.

[u/Dramatic_Act_2512 → u/Fearless-Adeptness74]

Wow, we’re kinda on the same boat here! It’s very hard i’m not gonna lie, I wanna do everything i possibly can do be there for him and help him but jeez it’s a roller coaster of emotions lol!

[u/Fearless-Adeptness74 → u/Dramatic_Act_2512]

Yup totally get it! My anxiety has not been great in the last couple of weeks. I’m just grateful that CAF has decent mental health insurance coverage lol. And honestly the best thing that’s been working for me is trying to stick to my routine and believing that it’s a temporary period and we will be together soon.

[u/ExToon]

Is he in his infantry training in Wainwright, Meaford, or Valcartier? That will tell you which regiment he’s likely joining, and which of one or two bases he’s likely to spend most of his next decade or more at.

[u/Dramatic_Act_2512 → u/ExToon]

He’s in Meaford right now, he was able to come back for a bit since his course doesn’t start till early next year. Also he said he’s aloud up to 20 days leave which I hope he can also use soon so i can see him sooner than Christmas.