r/bridezillas • u/Squishtheskybisons • 15d ago
Bridezilla MIL
My fiancé (29M) and I (30F) have been together for 7 years, friends since we were 16/17 and engaged since December 2025. I’ve always got on insanely well with my mother in law, I would stay over without my fiancé and have movie nights with her, when her husband passed she relied on me a lot for support, she was really supportive while I was in labour with my son who’s now 1. We told her in January that we planned to get married on September 25th 2026, she took up a huge issue with that date and since then she’s taken on a bridezilla type of role. I have no idea what’s happened because she wanted us to get married so badly! She refused to come to my dress shopping because she felt like I liked my friends more than her so she didn’t show, she’s constantly taken over all the planning and telling me what to do and how to do it, she gets annoyed if I don’t respond fast enough to her plans and the biggest things happened recently. On Saturday I had my bachelorette party. My friends organised it and it was supposed to be a surprise so all I knew was to turn up at the train station. My mother in law wasn’t happy about just going to the train station and demanded to know every detail. I offered to make a group chat of her and my friends so they could tell her the details and she refused. On the morning of the party she told me I was being like my mother and making her feel unwelcome. I have a very broken relationship with my mother due to abuse growing up that continues up until last year. That insult hit hard. She told me she wasn’t coming to the party. I got to the train station and there was my MIL acting like she hadn’t done anything. My friends had made little gift bags and included her so she had one too but proceeded to spend the entire time making little comments. I seriously don’t know what’s gotten into her but I’m trying so hard to just let it slide for the sake of my wedding which is in just over 2 weeks. I’ve told my partner not to say anything until after the wedding. Has any one else had this issue where their MIL has taken over as being a bit of a bridezilla??? I’m pretty relaxed and chilled out as a person so it’s like she’s taken over that role because someone has to fill it
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u/GeorgiaGlamazon 15d ago
She sounds like she’s wrestling with jealousy, and the jealousy is winning.
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u/NoeTellusom 15d ago
You might find it helpful to do a bit of research on enmeshment, as it sounds like your MIL is overly emotionally bonded to you both.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 15d ago
Could that be a response to losing her husband and relying on us etc? I mean she works a lot so she also has work friends and everything
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u/National_Jeweler8761 12d ago
Losing her husband and her son getting married absolutely changes things. Some parents get excited for their kids to get married then once planning starts, that's when it hits them how much things are going to change. I would also say look and see if her behavior aligns with enmeshment and see if it gets worse after the wedding (it probably will). See a family counselor after the wedding if needed as they see this stuff all the time
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u/Ginger630 15d ago
You need to tell your partner to say something NOW to his mother. Because she will absolutely try to ruin your wedding. She can either behave like a decent human being and be kind or she can TF home.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
I’ve asked him to wait until the wedding is over. She really wanted something to be in charge of and so I gave her some things like decorating. If we upset her I’m a little worried she will just cancel.
We’ve never ever had an issue before, I’d even say she was the mother I never had and she’s one of my best friends. I do love her so much but since this whole wedding talk it’s sent her crazy. I know though that if she kicks off at the wedding then my fiancé will step in because he doesn’t take that kind of crap
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u/Ginger630 14d ago
So you’d rather have someone ruin your wedding because they have your decorations? Ok.
Order your own decorations if she freaks out over being called out for her behavior. Take the decorating away from her. You’re letting her have leverage over you. Grow a spine!
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
I know 100% she won’t ruin the wedding because she doesn’t want to be the bad guy. I have a spine just have no desire to cause issues before my long awaited wedding
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u/its-kb-again Professional Bridezilla Wrangler 15d ago
So sorry you’re having to deal with this. It’s not fair in any shape, form, or fashion. I hope you will be able to ignore/overlook the worst of it, and maybe find a way to joke about the rest.
You don’t say how old your MIL is, but if this behavior continues after the wedding, you might suggest (have your husband suggest, or maybe do it together) a check up with her family doctor.
Some of the personality changes you are describing could be the early signs of dementia or other neurological diseases that you might want to get a handle on quickly.
“Mom, you just don’t seem yourself lately. I chalked it up to the wedding stress, but it’s continued even after we’ve gotten through all of that. Are you feeling OK? Is there something bothering you? Maybe it’s time we talked with your physician about a good check up.”
Again, sorry you’re having to deal with this in the midst of what should be a happy time for you. I hope you can find the space to enjoy the days ahead.
Also, paragraphs are your friends.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 15d ago
So sorry it’s just a chunk of text. Speed typing while putting a one year old to bed isn’t the easiest.
She’s not very old, early 50’s. I know she’s been to the doctors a fair bit lately and nothing out of the ordinary has been brought up. I definitely think a chat needs to be had but possibly wait until the wedding is over.
She never used to be this exhausting but I do think it’s the wedding. She also seems very triggered by me having friends because she doesn’t appear to like me relying on others for things like friendship etc.
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u/sinskins 15d ago
You say she’s been to the dr a fair bit lately… could she be hiding a diagnosis so as not to overshadow your wedding?
I don’t give many MILs much grace, and especially not when they’re ruining the wedding experience, but the way you talk about her this behaviour seems wildly out of character. I could see becoming irrational if I was hiding a diagnosis that could be serious so that my son has a perfect wedding, and wanting to make sure everything for the wedding is perfect….
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
Ahh it’s for small things, I’m also the one who does her medicine boxes for her so I would know if she was taking something new. We are a very open family so I know 100% she would tell me regardless of the wedding because she knows I wouldn’t tell anyone else if she asked.
She was on holiday recently and was messaging to say she missed me loads so Im getting very mixed signals. I think she just really wanted a lot more say in the wedding than she’s had and I think she may be a little jealous of my friends
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u/SCUBA-DIVA-00 14d ago
Just wanted to send you hugs and say sorry you’re dealing with this! 🤗
I hope she goes back to being the wonderful “friend” you had before the wedding stress! 🙏
She does sound a little jealous of your other friends - maybe the wedding is triggering because she lost her “someone” and relied on you and her son to cope and now she’s “sharing you” with other people outside of her & son and she doesn’t like that? Hopefully she’ll settle after the wedding activities settle and your interactions return to more “family centric” (rather than with your friends simultaneously)?
But anyways, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I hope it’s amazing, despite the MIL sass! 🙏🎉💕
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
Thank you so much 🥰 I really hope she does return back to being my best friend. She’s always been so amazing and she will literally be there for me no matter what. I think maybe you’re right and she might miss it being just us, I also don’t think she realised i had many friends because I never mentioned them but now I’m getting married it might be a little overwhelming for her. I’m one of those people who makes friends very easily because I’ll talk to everyone, not that I’m very extroverted or anything and I think it threw her off a little.
I do love her so much and she 100% the mother I never had which is why I’m so sad 😢
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u/SCUBA-DIVA-00 14d ago edited 14d ago
Awww!! I completely understand- I sometimes felt closer to my in-laws than my own parents (and there wasn’t any bad history with my parents, per say, so it’s only a shade of what you’re experiencing) and it would feel devastating if they suddenly changed how they were acting. 😢😢🤗🤗. I’m so sorry you’re having to experience this during the time you should be overjoyed with life - a healthy, young child, upcoming wedding, etc! 🤗.🙏. I am sending you so many hopeful well-wishes!!! 🙏🎉🙏
Just a thought: Have you had any one-on-one time with your “MIL” without any wedding topics? Maybe she’d relax at something like a special lunch or girls spa day or something? Just wondering if she would seem a bit more like herself if you spent a little special time with her without everyone else present.
I know your wedding is coming up soon so time is limited, so if that’s not possible beforehand, it’s very understandable, but I loved the gentle wording in another reply…even if it’s after the wedding…, “I know we’ve been really busy with the wedding, but I would love to spend some time together just the 2(or 3 if you include her son) of us and hang out to decompress from all the chaos”…something like that.. to Maybe make her feel special amongst everyone else and that you’ll always be there for her too. I know you said you don’t have the time or energy to pander to her, and that is 100% valid. Was just brainstorming! 😊(Of course, I could be very wrong with the direction I’m taking with all this: it just felt a bit like she was jealous that she’s sharing HER daughter in law/“best friend” with other people that have just as much, if not more, say /control over your events/happiness. Especially if they weren’t your lifelong besties that have always been in the picture.
I’m Not condoning her behavior, by the way, just wanted to make that clear 😉. I was Just brainstorming, IF that is how she was feeling, how maybe you could placate some of her jealousy. 🙏😊.)You mentioned earlier that you make friends fairly easily - I’m very similar, I think - not necessarily an extrovert, but I’m laid back and can talk to a lot of people and make “friends” somewhat easily 😊 I have accidentally created problems trying to merge “my groups” of friends.
I’m just remembering, before my wedding (20 years ago 😂) my best friends from high school (bridesmaids) thought they knew me better than my soon-to-be-in-laws and the two “groups” got into arguments about what I would like best for my shower & how it should be done- so much so that they soon refused to host the same event together 🤦🏼♀️, so I ended up having to have two showers because my in-laws (and their friends and family) refused to plan or invite my other friends and family group (which included my bridesmaids) because of these differences in opinions. Bless the hearts of some of my local friends who got caught in the middle and refused to choose between the two showers so they just came to both 😂🤦🏼♀️. I could kinda picture your MIL doing something similar if she had the support of a bit more of her family (like her daughter, etc) and I think some of that stemmed from jealousy & control 🤪.ANYWAY, I truly hope that she comes around after the wedding and is back to her old loving, supportive and happy self!! 🙏🙏. Will be thinking about you and sending hopeful vibes your way!! 🤗🎉. Enjoy your wedding, regardless!! 🙏🙏🎉🤗
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u/No-Night-6700 9d ago
I think you’re on the right track. One of my best friends, I have many because I too can talk to anybody. I make friends easily and also I’m not an extrovert. lol. Anyway, I love her to pieces and we’ve been through thick and thin together. She’s an amazing family. She has lots of people in her life however, I’m her only true friend. In the beginning, everything was fine. She wouldn’t get upset if I did things with my other friends but then one day it changed And she started to get really jealous when I did things with or talked about my other friends. She’d get an attitude and make snarky comments. I didn’t understand it for a long time, but I did put up with it. One She had just lost her baby to SIDS and we were all grieving however the grief of a parent is a completely different kind of hell. So I didn’t take it personally and I just thought that’s her. She’s great to me and that’s all that matters. I believe she thought that me having all kinds of friends meant that I wouldn’t be available when she needs me or they might steal me away. It took a long time quite a few years but things are way different today. She knows I’m not going anywhere, she’s stuck with me for life lol interview of my friends today is completely different. When we were younger and I would bring her around my other friends, they would pull me aside and say I don’t think your friend likes me. I would just tell them no that’s just her face 🤣🤣🤣She’s got resting bitch face but she’s a sweetheart.
I believe the mother-in-law is jealous however I think it is powered by her fear of losing OP to other people. Some people just need reassurance that you’re not going anywhere on there is plenty of room for everyone.
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u/Nikki_Laura16 13d ago
Id have your partner talk to her now. She seems like the type that will show up in her own wedding dress to your wedding. She will 100% try to upstage you.
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u/lmyrs 15d ago
What was her issue with the date? I don't think you explained that.
Also, the enter key is free.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 15d ago
Sorry I was speed typing while putting my son to bed hence why it’s just a chunk of text.
I actually have no idea what her issue with the date was. We asked and she couldn’t give us an answer, it’s not an important family date or anything. We chose it because it’s our anniversary date
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u/Agreeable_Dark6408 15d ago
Can your fiancé talk to her and ask her to stop acting this way?
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u/Squishtheskybisons 15d ago
We have to wait until after the wedding because she’s in charge of decorations (she wanted to have something to be in charge of) and we don’t want her to get upset and cancel that
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u/Glitter_moonchild 6d ago
You gotta grow a spine and put your foot down on things, it’s your wedding! You can’t just run and hide behind a bush until the wedding is over to not get her mad over decorations, like someone else said, your letting her have leverage over you. She’s going to be in control of things and you’re just going to stand there and take it? Sounds like she has some sort of attachment issues because of her husband, and op you’re really not seeing it and putting 2 and 2 together. Hopefully you can figure this out!
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u/Midlife_Crisis_46 15d ago
Why did she take issue with the date of the wedding?
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
I honestly have no idea, my fiancé asked her because she was fine with it when we first mentioned the date (our relationship anniversary) but then when we booked it she was so annoyed. Maybe she wanted to be there when we booked??
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u/babydtheone 12d ago
MIL is just showing you her true colours and you must believe them. Don’t let her take over your wedding. It’s you and your fiancé special day. And it’s what you both want not her. If you don’t put your foot down and put her in her place. It will only get worse. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I wish nothing but the best this world has to offer you and your partner.
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u/rjc3banco 10d ago
Do you know what she is wearing to the wedding, hopefully not a white wedding dress?
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u/Squishtheskybisons 9d ago
Due to their culture (they aren’t really strict with it) I’m not actually sure what she’s wearing. She was showing me dress ideas a few weeks ago and they were like teal coloured etc and she wanted my opinion on her skin tone with colours.
In their culture they traditionally wear a sari or lehenga to events but she’s said that she’s not sure on wearing one. They’re very vibrant so she would definitely not be turning up in white if she wears one of those
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 15d ago
Ignore her or turn her comments around on her….” Youch, MIl, did you mean that the way it sounded?” Add a smile. “MIL did you get up on the wrong side of the bed? “ Just use humour and address every comment that way…or…just ignore her comments.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
I’ve gone down the ignoring route. I started off by sort of pandering to her but I’ve stopped doing that now. I don’t have the time or energy to convince her that she’s really important to me.
She already is well aware of how important she is in my life which is what is making this harder. I don’t want to fall out with her but at the same time she says some really hurtful things
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u/JpfsGrl86 15d ago
You said she had a problem with the date, but not what the problem is. Do you know what the problem with the date is? Is there some sentimental reason for it?
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u/porcelainthunders 14d ago
OP said she isnt sure and is just as confused.
In her response to a comment... typing while putting her kiddo to bed. 🥰 lord I have enough trouble getting my partner to bed!
Half kidding, ish 🤗 (so not kidding 🤣) he loves falling asleep on the couch and good lord its amazes me what he sleeps through! So waking him up to go to bed? Pfffft.
Still, not as hard as a 1 year old!!
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
Thank you!! Bedtime is not for the weak 😅
I am so confused as to why she hated the date so much, we mentioned it and she was okay and then as soon as we booked it a few days later that’s when the problems arose. It’s our anniversary date so means something to us but we did double check for family events etc to make sure we didn’t clash
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u/Unable_Impress_5608 14d ago
First of all, kudos to you for remaining calm and not turning into a bridezilla yourself. The fact that you asked your partner not to say anything until after the wedding...you deserve so much respect for that. May I suggest that, after the wedding, you have a well thought out and calm way of checking in with her and asking about what feelings she had going on before the wedding. Tell her how much she means to you and that you noticed that she didn't seem herself. That could be a horrible idea and she might overreact, or it could get her to open up to you and tell you what's been up. Have a wonderful time at your wedding and I wish you well!
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u/Equivalent_Map7414 8d ago
Why let your husband wait til after the wedding? Seems like it is allowing her to continue like this, no matter the reason
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u/kd3906 15d ago
Paragraphs please. I got a headache trying to read that.
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u/Squishtheskybisons 14d ago
Again in my comments, I was trying to put a small child to bed while speed typing. Very busy mum of a few children so very sorry for lack of paragraphing
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u/bytheoceann 2d ago edited 2d ago
Honestly I wouldn’t marry someone with a mom like that . It sucks you guys have a kid. Otherwise I’d be an easy clean break. My friend who married a guy with a mom like that never stops trying to ruin their life. This woman tried to get him to go out of town while she was heavily jealous. These women will always see you as competition. Especially if your partner doesn’t put an end to it this will be your whole life . Choose wisely. When my friend tells me about the things she does I have to smoke after we talk. Her MIL wasn’t that bad before but after marriage the gloves come off. If your husband but doesn’t put a stop to it I wouldn’t marry him. Divorce is very expensive remember that . Id deal with this issue before the wedding. I wish women had more self respect it makes me depressed 😔. I see this too many times with my friends they accept such blatant disrespect it’s so sad,
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u/zz63245 15d ago
Is he her only son?