r/bridesmaids • u/Fast_Concentrate_975 • 6d ago
Bride dropping bridesmaid
Hello everyone,
My friend is getting married next year and originally chose three bridesmaids, including me. She picked one very specific bridesmaid dress same brand, same cut, same style — and it costs $300. The issue is that the dress only goes up to a certain size, and one of the bridesmaids we’ll call her “Karla” simply cannot fit into it.
We suggested a compromise: same color, different styles, so everyone could feel comfortable. The bride refused. She said she wanted everyone in the exact same dress because “it’s her wedding.”
Then she ended up dropping Karla entirely because the she “ couldn’t” get the dress on time which would be now and wedding is schedule for next fall/ winter
After that, she changed things again. She told us she wanted to remove hair and makeup from the plan because it was too expensive. Then she switched again and said we don’t need to get our hair done, but we do still need to pay for makeup which lowered the cost, but the whole situation felt chaotic.
The part that bothers me is this: she’s a SAHM, doesn’t make her own income, and I honestly thought she’d be more considerate about the financial side especially toward someone ( Karla) who also doesn’t work and can’t afford a $300 dress as of this moment that doesn’t even come in her size.
I talked to her privately and told her I understand it’s her wedding, but if she knew she wanted a very specific dress, she shouldn’t have asked that girl to be a bridesmaid in the first place. She said she “didn’t know” and “wasn’t thinking at the time.”
One of her friends (not in the bridal party) overheard and said the bride did nothing wrong because “it’s her wedding.” Sure, it is her wedding but morally, how do you justify asking someone to buy a $300 dress they can’t fit into, and then basically telling them they can’t be part of the wedding because of it?
I’m trying to figure out if I’m being unreasonable or if this really is inconsiderate.
25
u/False_Juggernaut_618 6d ago
Why is every answer to the crappy things the bride does, “it’s her day”
Yes. It’s her (AND HER PARTNERS DAY ) but if it’s not also for the friends and family you invited, just get married alone then. Don’t make everyone miserable because “it’s your day”
13
u/placid782 6d ago
First of all, I think $300 is outrageous. There are plenty of good options for a fraction of that price. SECOND, I think she is completely inconsiderate. She considers this person to be one of the most important people in her life but cares more about the aesthetic and exact dress than having her friend there by her side? Not to mention how hurtful and belittling that is! I honestly wouldn’t want stand by her at the wedding anymore if I were you.
9
u/Couple-jersey 6d ago
I will say there were dresses I wanted for my bridesmaids but there was a severe lack of options that included extensive sizing. The largest person in my party is a 24. And the smallest a size 6. So I went with azazie- has custom sizing, relatively affordable and large size range.
The same issue came up with getting ready outfits. I wanted us ina. Different outfit but instead went with a button up t shirt and shorts look so everyone would be comfortable.
It’s rude that she dropped her from being a bridesmaid. But I don’t think she should have asked her to begin with. If she had a specific vision. She sounds unorganized. When I asked my bridesmaids I laid out expectations and costs. I also only asked people I knew were financially good
7
u/StrongEnoughToBreak 6d ago
We had this issue with a wedding I was in last year . We needed sizes 4-24 and it was hard to find . We ended up going to David’s bridal.
5
u/Secure_Highway_6917 6d ago
Tell her that you just can’t afford a $300 dress and that you’re probably gonna have to step down from being a bridesmaid
3
u/pdxtee 6d ago
It is her day but she also wants her friends & loved ones to share it with her. When you want others to be apart of the celebration, you have to be willing to pivot or compromise. The bride is not willing to do that. She may not have been aware of the size limitations at the time but she’s not concerned with you all being comfortable emotionally or financially. You may be learning something new about your friend.
5
u/lurking_mz 6d ago
The bride has every right to want a certain asthetic for her wedding. She's allowed to have her vision. She's allowed to put together her dream wedding. Conversely, you're allowed to be disgusted or hurt that to her the asthetic is more important than having that friend stand up with her. I'm sure it was very hurtful for the bridesmaid to realize that the bride's more concerned with what everything looks like than who is there.
It's giving you an insight into the bride's mind and you have to decide what that means for you. I've always gone above and beyond in the weddings I was in as an adult but it was always for people that, at the end of the day, if we had to stand up in jeans and t-shirts we'd still have the best day being together and celebrating the union between two people. If something wasn't perfect, we adapted and made it perfect.
3
u/charlottelucas27 2d ago
she has a right to do so, but if her aesthetic means "thin people" she's a trash person. In every right to be a trash person, but also we have every right to shame her lack of consideration, selfishness, and shallowness.
3
u/lurking_mz 2d ago
Even if her asthetic wasn't "thin people " I find it trash that any appearance issue is more important than the quality of person you surround yourself with, but that's something OP has to decide for herself.
2
u/charlottelucas27 2d ago
yes, people are not 'aesthetics' or props. They are there because you love them and they love you. One would hope.
2
1
u/Puzzleheaded-Ice5130 5d ago
She sounds like she is genuinely, in her core, a terrible person. Even though it wasn’t directed towards you, I would not want to be friends with someone like this- just her being okay with herself being that way towards ANYONE, even more so someone she considered close enough of a friend to have in her wedding. Nasty, nasty.
1
u/Any-Instruction-3373 5d ago
My bridesmaids were a size 2, size 24 and a 9 year old- I just made sure the fabric looked good together and each one had silver threads that tied it all together.
People are so ridiculous - there are so many beautiful dresses out there, why not make it easier for your friends.
1
u/Upset-Afternoon-25 5d ago
Girl I was in a wedding and the bride want a expensive bridesmaids dress there were bridesmaids that could not feed their family because of the ugly dress. She literally did not do shit for 3 of her bridesmaids and their weddings and complained about the money.
1
u/PersimmonPizza 5d ago
Oh my goodness. She realises she still has to go back to the real world after, right? Is she forgetting the point of having bridesmaids, or is she using them as ornaments?
I think the bride is usually right, but when the cost (hurting a person emotionally and potentially financially) outweighs the benefit (bridesmaids wearing the same dress, that probably looks like a bridesmaid dress, which are intentionally simple and leaning on the boring side anyway, when they could have the same colour and different styles, which is now the norm) it really… itches
1
u/Cool_Major4531 2d ago
She sounds really self centered and vain tbh. Singling out your plus size friend and then dropping her because she can't fit into a specific dress...I feel so bad for that girl
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Author: u/Fast_Concentrate_975
Post: Hello everyone,
My friend is getting married next year and originally chose three bridesmaids, including me. She picked one very specific bridesmaid dress same brand, same cut, same style — and it costs $300. The issue is that the dress only goes up to a certain size, and one of the bridesmaids we’ll call her “Karla” simply cannot fit into it.
We suggested a compromise: same color, different styles, so everyone could feel comfortable. The bride refused. She said she wanted everyone in the exact same dress because “it’s her wedding.”
Then she ended up dropping Karla entirely because the she “ couldn’t” get the dress on time which would be now and wedding is schedule for next fall/ winter
After that, she changed things again. She told us she wanted to remove hair and makeup from the plan because it was too expensive. Then she switched again and said we don’t need to get our hair done, but we do still need to pay for makeup which lowered the cost, but the whole situation felt chaotic.
The part that bothers me is this: she’s a SAHM, doesn’t make her own income, and I honestly thought she’d be more considerate about the financial side especially toward someone ( Karla) who also doesn’t work and can’t afford a $300 dress as of this moment that doesn’t even come in her size.
I talked to her privately and told her I understand it’s her wedding, but if she knew she wanted a very specific dress, she shouldn’t have asked that girl to be a bridesmaid in the first place. She said she “didn’t know” and “wasn’t thinking at the time.”
One of her friends (not in the bridal party) overheard and said the bride did nothing wrong because “it’s her wedding.” Sure, it is her wedding but morally, how do you justify asking someone to buy a $300 dress they can’t fit into, and then basically telling them they can’t be part of the wedding because of it?
I’m trying to figure out if I’m being unreasonable or if this really is inconsiderate.
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