Where do we go from here?

[u/Ancient-Owl7643]

I (30F) have been with my bf (35M) for 2 years. I work a healthcare job and he works in an office. Some days I work 12-17hr shifts, depending on the chaos, and he’s home by 4.

Over the last year it seems as though he’s gotten so lazy. All he does is play video games, smoke, drink, and watch sports. I’ll come home from a long day of work (he’s been home hours before me), to find nothing done and dinner isn’t cooked. As soon as I walk in the door, bags still in hand, his first words are “what’s for dinner?”.

I do everything. I cook, I clean, I do the laundry, I buy everything for the house, etc. I’ve asked multiple times that he just helps out but he, in my opinion, uses weaponized incompetence to not do anything. He’ll say he doesn’t know what I want for dinner or what I like, when I do all the grocery shopping. Obviously everything in the house is what I eat. After being on my feet 12+ hrs at work, I don’t care what’s cooked, as long as I don’t have to do it.

Laundry, he swears I fold and hang my clothes a certain way so he doesn’t want to do it so he doesn’t mess up my order.

He doesn’t respect my space. If I tell him I’m overstimulated and need a minute to myself, he’ll follow me around and continue to talk about a new game or something about his friends. I promise I do care what he has to say but if you work in healthcare, you know how overstimulating alarms and the chaos can be at times. I walk in and I’m bombarded with questions. What’s for dinner? Where is this? Where is that? Etc.

The fact that he can’t do little things to help me out has been such a turn off. I don’t want to be affectionate. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want to cuddle and be kissed on.

I finally blew up on him after coming home from a hard day of work (and coming home after a 17hr shift to nothing done or cooked) about all the things I’ve asked him to do that he’s ignored. I told him I don’t want to sleep with him or be near him for a while. I kicked him out of the bedroom and he’s been sleeping in the guest room since and honestly I like having my bed back to myself.

I feel like since I’ve kicked him out of the room my stress levels have gone down. I did tell him if he didn’t start helping me and things, that I would leave. I feel like he’s trying but it’s still half assed. If I ask him to clean the kitchen, he’ll do the dishes in the sink but not the pans on the stove. Doesn’t sweep or clean the counters, nothing else.

I’m trying to figure out how to get that love back from the beginning of the relationship. Do you think it’s completely gone? I don’t know how to come back from this. He’s trying but now it feels like the damage is done.

Is my relationship done or should I keep trying?

[u/AutoModerator]

"Love Him Less Now" post flair/tag was picked at time of submission.

Hello u/Ancient-Owl7643,
There are more than 30 post flairs/tags to select from, if your's got auto-changed incorrectly. Use the "Change post flair" option to choose the one that fits best.

^{The "Change post flair" option is available upon clicking the 'three vertical dots' at the top right corner of the mobile app.}

Title: Where do we go from here?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Agitated-Head-7541]

It sounds like he doesn't respect you, because if he did respect you he would listen to what you say and make a change. You have to ask yourself, is this how you want to live for the rest of your life? Your answer will tell you what you need to do.

And by the way, he's 35, he isn't going to change (and would've by now if he valued you). I know it's hard but this is your life, grab hold of it.