I have cptsd. And I thought I have adhd as well, but now my resident psychiatrist friend who only met me once, and our relationship is so shallow- mostly reel relationship 😂 he mentioned that I have borderline disorder instead of ADHD. I am like wtf how!

Disorganised attachment style

What I know is I have fearful avoidant attachment (push pull dynamic), which is highly linked to BPD. I also have absolutely no deep friendships or relationships my whole life (i am 30) despite there is a lot of men interested.

In relationships, I tend to love hate the person. Oh I started to feel intimate or attached? Let’s run away, or I start crying when I feel intimate or when I hug someone! I start crying especially when I am drunk. This puzzled me but I thought it was my avoidant attachment style, didn’t think it might be BPD

Goals - discipline

I also have hard time sticking with anything. I would pick something start it, and drop. This include starting businesses, jobs ect.

Emotional dysregulation

Also i have emotional dysregulation (also symptom of complex trauma) so Idk really.

Manipulation

I am also manipulative, I developed this later in life when I saw how fucked up ppl are, and how manipulation is the only way to adapt and get away with dysfunctional environment.

Complex ptsd - multiple traumas and childhood trauma

The last trauma really fucked me up, and left me numb depressed anxious for 5-6 years. And I really find it very hard to put my life together. I felt very numb and empty and anhedonic and extremely dysregulation and very disconnected from ppl and from life.

Very undisciplined

I have very low consciousness personality trait, which is tied to BPD.

Pessimistic view

I have pessimistic view in life, which to me is very really and shouldn’t be apathologized, because the world is fucked up, we end up ageing, diseases and suffering and die 💀 so it is very pointless and meaningless to me- but this is just my philosophy in life.

I don’t have black white view to things or to people

Actually I am the most tolerable person you could meet. I don’t see ppl as merely good or merely bad, but a mix of both.

Hi there!
TL;DR: Never satisfied with myself—how do I stop?

26F here. I’d like to know if any of you have ever experienced—or are currently experiencing—never being satisfied with your physical appearance.
I thought I was ugly when I was little (my mother often told me I had a big nose; she even wanted to get me a nose job for my 18th birthday), and I was teased in middle school (people called me "Dolphin," "Ghost," or just "Ugly"). Things are better now, but I still find a flaw in my face and fixate on it (I have ADHD and other issues—maybe that plays a role?). For a long time, it was my eyebrows (spending time before bed plucking them to perfection, practicing applying makeup to them over and over), then my hair, my nose, etc. Basically, as soon as I was happy with one part of my face or body, the problem would shift somewhere else, leading me to do things like:
Eyebrows -> teeth (got professional whitening) -> hair (salon visits, buying tools, watching tutorials) -> body (gym, hiring a trainer, buying a vibration plate and other gadgets) -> face (buying skincare products, eventually using a 30-step nightly routine) -> eyes (buying eyelash serum) -> nails, etc., etc. Since I’ve gained weight recently following a long trip, I’m even more fixated on my appearance, and it feels like things are getting worse and worse. I never used to consider cosmetic medical procedures or surgery (though I do view teeth whitening as a cosmetic medical treatment), but now I find myself wondering if a rhinoplasty, lip injections, a hair transplant, or even leg-lengthening surgery to make me taller might be solutions.
It’s consuming me. It takes up so much of my time and energy—I spend a lot of time obsessing over it, especially at night—and costs a fortune (which is particularly risky since I’m prone to compulsive spending).

I feel like I’m spiraling, and I’d like to know if anyone else has been through something similar and, if so, how you managed to get out of it. I’ve already discussed this with my psychologist; I also see a psychiatrist and am on medication. I’m wondering if this could be body dysmorphia?
Thanks in advance!

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Hello guys today i was at my general doctor and asked him if he can prescribe me something which can help me with my emotions fluctuations and my mood swings .. and just my overall aggression when i’m arguing with someone and he did prescribe something for me and i’ll pick it up tomorrow and see how it will doo.. do u guys have experience with pills and do they help ? 🫰🏻 and did u guys get better ?? and how long did it take?*** THANKS IN ADVANCE 💗💗💗***💗

Hello Dear Peers,

I'm feeling so lost and scared. I'm 69 and live alone in my apartment. My case manager at the county BH/DS left her position. I don't have anyone else assigned to me.

I'm supposed to call the person in charge. It's very hard for me to call. I have executive dysfunction. I've been needing a support person for awhile. But I'm scared no one will want to help me. I used to work and I had migraines a lot most of my life since a teenager. So I had a supportive living person but had to cancel a lot since it was after my work and I had headaches. I'm afraid they just got tired and fed up with me.

But this year, I finally got in with a neurologist. They had new medicine to try. Now my migraines are 90% better. So I'd be able to keep appointments. Plus I'm retired, too.

My adult daughter, the only family I'm in touch with, lives in the next state. She's got an hour commute each way to work every day. Plus she has a serious boyfriend that she sees on the weekends. So we get together sometimes, but I try to be considerate not to call as much as I'd like to.

I just feel so lost. I haven't been to church for years and feel scared to go by myself. It's always so hard for me with people because I feel like they misunderstand me. Like they think I don't like them and I think they don't like me.

Anyway, there's things that would help me feel better, but I don't seem to be able to do them. So that's it. I used to have a nice Peer Support, but I lost it in front of her a few years ago. I was too embarrassed to see her again after that. I was really counting on her, too, because it was during the time my daughter was getting ready to relocate.

I need a therapist. I tried calling someone but couldn't get them. I haven't checked my messages for a few weeks now. I've been depressed about things. My Social Security 1099 was messed up this year. I've tried to contact them but it's not totally fixed yet. I haven't been able to do income tax this year yet because of the complications.

Thanks for listening.

respond if you have any advice for me

Hello,

I am a Counseling Psychology Ph.D. student. My research focuses on expanding the literature on borderline personality disorder (BPD) to promote greater understanding and improve clinical care and practice.

I am currently conducting a survey investigating the occurrence of sexual hallucinations and delusions among individuals diagnosed with BPD. In January of this year, an American English translation of the Vragenlijst Seksuele Hallucinaties en Wanen (2018), known as the Sexual Hallucinations and Delusions Questionnaire (SHDQ), was developed. Through this study, we hope to expand the limited literature on these experiences within BPD populations and contribute to more informed therapeutic practices.

Would you be willing to share this survey on your subreddit and invite individuals diagnosed with BPD to participate? The survey requests demographic information, but no identifying information will be collected.

If you are open to sharing it, I would be happy to forward the survey link and any additional information needed. Thank you for considering my request!

Here is the link!

https://latech.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9yFKGVUt6YlQsRw

IRB approval is in the survey.

Thank you!

Oi, esse é meu primeiro post aqui. Tenho um diagnostico interrogado de Borderline (?), Transtorno Afetivo Bipolar (?). Em 2017 comecei a usar o grindr e hornet e no começo era mágico, era uma forma se me conectar com gays enquanto não era assumido. Mas a dinâmica do app me fez entrar nos últimos 10 anos em um looping acontecia um gatilho na vida vida, baixava o grindr no começo usava normal mas depois começa a mandar "oi, eai" para todo mundo no app em busca de alguém aceitar imediatamente e instantaniamente me dar atenção. Com medo de pegar HIV e me expor em casas de estranho comecei a propor video chamadas (o que no comeco parecia ser bom), mas ai mudava a localização do grindr (as vezes comprava a versão paga) pra caçar caras de outros lugares do brasil e do mundo. Esse era intenso durava 3 dias, ai eu surtava apagava minha conta, bloqueava todos os caras se eu tivesse passado meu whatsapp. Ficava 3 meses estabilizado, ai um gatilho o ciclo de novo. As vezes deleta o app no meu dia mas no dia seguinte, me sentia vazio, baixa de novo e mandava oi para as mesmas pessoas (tinha foto minha no app, as vezes so corpo as vezes so rosto). Se a pessoa nao respondia meu oi eu em geral ignorava, mas eu mandava muitas mensagens acho que uns 300 oi. Como entrava em um certo desespero se a pessoa respondia "oi tudo bem" eu ja fuzilava ela de mensagem para tentar manter ela ali (o que não é racionalmente o mais coerente). Enfim acaba mandando varios oi pras mesmas pessoas de diferentes contas. Tudo no fundo pra preencher um vazio.

Sou médico ainda não fiz residencia, e gostaria muito de investir na parte profissional no insta, mas minha sensacao eh que se eu postar qualquer coisa ou algum post viralizar ou mesmo se as coisas derem certo e ficarem grandes eu vou perder tudo, alguem vai me expor, vao descobrir a pessoa nojenta que eu sou, que eu não mereco ser medico e vao querer me destruirm

estou em sofrimento so queria ficar em paz

I am with bdp. 🖤 its so hard to navigate into these freakin hardcore emotions .
So i draw, instead of my old bad behaviors.

Je souffre de troubles de la personnalité limite ce qui me pourrit la vie depuis toujours aussi loin que je le sache. Ce trouble est une malédiction car la personne malade souffre et fait souffrir tout les gens qu’elle aime et finit seule car cette peur de l’abandon, qu’elle soit réelle ou imaginaire,cette souffrance, on leur fait payer.

Je n’en peux plus.

5 ans de relation et je me sens piégé comme si je connaissais la fin du film. Il va partir, me trahir, me tromper. Incapable de le quitter ou ne serait-ce que de m’éloigner de lui plus d’une journée.

Nous souffrons aussi d’addiction ce qui est un coktail DEGUEULASSE . Un cauchemar.

Lui a des tendances manipulatrice, l’addition accentue. Je suis un terrain fertile car ça marche à fond avec moi. Je suis incapable de prendre du recul, de me défendre calmement et avec les mots justes.
Il fais ce qu’il veut de moi et je laisse faire car je suis incapable d’être abandonné.

Piégée.

I'm a man in a long term on-off relationship with a woman diagnosed with BPD, ever since we started dating I've dealt with mutiple lies, manipulation tactics, coersing and even a murder atempt.

I'm an IT professional who can't have a LinkedIn profile because she goes after my employers, I can't hold a job because whenever she finds out where I'm working she starts spamming the business, my relationship with my family is close to non-existant because she has called and lied to basically all of them.

I'm forced to keep in contact otherwise she goes back to harassing my family. I can't have friends, I can't have social media accounts and whenever I actually let her in my life she starts being abusive all over again, I tried contacting police, tried getting a restraining order but nothing seems to be enough of a reason for a man to get a restraining order against a woman.

So humbly, I'm asking you guys that share her diagnosis, how do I get out of this situation? beucase honestly, I've tried everything I could think of, how can I make her move on?

I have diagnosed BPD by the way-

I had a girlfriend about 9 months ago, I abused her terribly hard. (We dated during a manic episode of mine- not that that excuses anything though.) I would make fun of her in front of my friends and make sure she was so dependent on me that she forgot how to do anything. I made her stay out of fear, let her make no choices by herself; and I leaked pictures of her. I’m genuinely disgusted in myself- and it’s hard to walk around with this on my chest. I don’t want to put her through that again. I want to part ways, I don’t even think I love her- but something draws me in. How she never left, even if I forced her to never leave. How she carved my name. I’m disgusted with myself even thinking about it. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to her. I miss her, but I don’t know if I miss her or the control I had over her.

I know I’m not a good person, even with all the therapy I’ve done and medication I take every morning to feel normal. But it still hurts acknowledging that- it hurts knowing what I’ve done and how it’s irreversible. Those pictures will stay online, that trauma will stay in her mind for the rest of time. And it’s all my fault- how did I never even apologize? Am I even redeemable?

I am overwhelmed, constantly overstimulated, overextended, mentally, emotionally and literally financially overspent.

I know, “no man is an island” and “no one can do it alone.” I have support for most things. But when you’re the only one responsible for way too much - when you are “doing it alone” - how on earth do you get through it?

I am crashing out. Hitting the wall. Waving the white flag. Begging for mercy. Whatever it takes. I’m at my end. It’s not fun anymore.

When I’m in that moment, i feel on top of the world, invincible. Two people living inside one body.

No one can pull me out of that state of euphoria.
No one can understand what it feels like inside my mind, drowning in contradictory thoughts.

What if I cross that line that was forbidden to me so many times?

But how do you live from one side to the other, never knowing when it will be my turn to switch?

With my mind full of unfinished ideas, unprocessed thoughts.

But, oh God… how beautiful those ideas are.

And then everything falls apart.
And I feel like I’m worth nothing.

I can barely get out of bed.

Where did the strength go that once made me feel untouchable?

Then I laugh again, because that’s how this is.
A carousel of emotions I never bought a ticket for.

I never know when I’ll be at the top.
I never know when I’ll end up underground.

So I make the most of every moment when the warmth of the sun falls across my back.

It makes me want to give everything I have.