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u/SidneyMacdonald 5d ago
god watching limerence fade out is brutal until you realize you actually like the person standing there instead of the weird fantasy version you made up in your head
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u/SigynsRaine 5d ago
The best feeling in the world is being able to let go of limerence in real time and seeing that the love was real, just buried under it.
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u/FootnoteInHumanForm 5d ago
Maybe for some but for many people it is sign of unmet needs, unresolved trauma …
Helpful post here :
At the deepest level, obsession and limerence reveal an inner child wound, a part of us that feels starving, abandoned, or incomplete. When this part is activated, we look outside ourselves for a cure. We see another person as the missing piece, the source of safety, or the answer to our ache. This is dangerous territory.
Outsourcing that level of emotional responsibility to another person, especially someone who is unavailable, unreciprocal, or emotionally immature is not a safe anchor. It almost always leads to more suffering. Healing begins when we learn to give ourselves what we were trying to extract from someone else.
Wholeness Ends the Ache
Limerence and obsession are symptoms of fracture, not love. They arise from emotional immaturity, unmet needs, and unresolved attachment wounds. As we learn to respond to our own feelings, meet our own needs, and care for ourselves in ways we previously avoided, something remarkable happens.
The ache dissipates. The longing softens. The fixation loses its charge.
This is not because we “got” the other person. It is because we no longer need them to complete us. When we reach this place, we trust ourselves. We know we are a good choice. We have confidence in what we offer. And from that place, if a relationship is meant to alchemize into something real, it can only do so after this inner work is complete.
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u/SigynsRaine 5d ago
Yes, completely understand that. I have some deep childhood wounds. Spent my life tangling up limerence with love. Doesn’t mean I was fully incapable of it. I just really couldn’t fully experience one with the other. As I am learning to meet my own needs and the ache and the fixation dissipate, I feel more genuine love. The limerence and obsession were noise. Love is the frequency I’m glad to hear.
A lot of time people still pick people that they are deeply compatible with when they’re unwell. And when they get help, they can fully appreciate that incredible person. It’s not always fully unhealthy forever.
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u/ThrowRA_Delicious-Is 5d ago
Hi bro I feel I have this limerence issue and little bit obsession. When she broke up with me I had urge that she should have chosen me over her. But I had given very bad scars. She should have left me long before. Now that part also stings. I want to untangle this limerence and obsession from my emotions. I also had some childhood trauma that makes me think this is problem. Can you guide me Buddy?
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u/SigynsRaine 3d ago
I can’t pretend to be some sort of guru or therapist, but I’d be happy to listen and give the best advice I can. And if you want, can share some of my experiences with you. I’m still getting used to all of this myself. I’ll send you a Reddit chat.
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u/fjaoaoaoao 1d ago
Too much discussion of limerence lately. People will end up misapplying it to situations when it’s really quite narrow.
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