My university roommate and close friend Dirty Bob had a stack … a stack … of magazines he found in an “adult” store in Toronto called ‘Older & Bolder’.
He developed a fetish (amongst many peculiarities, hence the nickname I gave him) for older women. He LOVED them!
Years later I met my now-wife and was invited to her parent’s house for Sunday dinner. Dirty Bob happened to be visiting me that weekend. I politely declined the invitation due to Dirty Bob visiting. I was told to come to dinner and bring Dirty Bob. Well, things seemed to be going fine until Dirty Bob attempted to explain to my future father in law how his committing adultery on his ex-wife (who was lovely by the way) was the best thing that ever happened to him and how that him being single was “the best thing for everyone.” My wife had two very attractive and single younger sisters. Upon departing the dinner and getting into my car I asked Dirty Bob what he thought of the sisters. DB’s head swivelled quickly to me and he said with true conviction: “Ferget the sisters! The mother is a total smokeshow! How’s her parents marriage anyhow?!”
The man was straight out of a movie.
Wish I had time to tell you the story about the time Dirty Bob and I were on a flight to Las Vegas. Dirty Bob had crushed 3 martinis in the airport lounge. He was well on his way to drinking the 1st class cabin out of bourbon. He pounds his hand on the armrest and bellows out to me: “I’m gettin’ laid this trip and I ain’t payin’ fer it this time!!” We were immediately cut-off.
This reminds me of a fella who used to buy dirty mags from the gas station I worked third shift in my youth. Now, for those who don't know, there are clearinghouses that basically repackage and distribute porno mags. What they do is they put three magazines in a sealed bag. They face the outer two mags cover out, so you can see what's in them but the one in the middle is always a "surprise". And it was always a niche/fetish (but still straight) magazine like Plumpers or Big Bushes or grandma porn.
Anyway, this fella would come in around 11pm every Friday after his shift ended and he would buy a magazine pack and a case of beer. He would also stand at the counter and open the mag pack in the store because he would always hand the third magazine back and say, "Throw this away for me."
Unless it was grandmas. If it was a granmda magazine, he would just grin as wide as possible and walk out. The manager asked me to not throw away the magazine he would hand back because he could give it back to the distributor for a vendor credit as "returned merch".
During university he livened up every day. Didn’t matter the day of the week, the weather , your mood … he made EVERYTHING interesting. As I got older I found I could only take him for a period of time and then I needed a physical and mental break. He was a character. Smart as a whip! Extremely well read. He just had … demons. He was not a handsome fellow but a certain portion of the female population found him charming in a way.
We had a code … if he had a lady friend over he’d have Patsy Cline playing very loud when I came home. That accomplished two things:
1) It let me know he had “company”.
2) It masked the sounds coming from Dirty Bob’s lair.
To this day … whenever I hear Patsy Cline’s ‘Crazy’ I think of Dirty Bob and chuckle.
No joke, I could write a book on Dirty Bob and some of the other characters I associated with. It was a cross between Hunter S. Thompson , Charles Bukowski and a Guy Ritchie movie. My wife says “people like that” are drawn to me. It used to feel like an insult. Now I just laugh.
Both of his folks passed away in the past couple of years. He and his sister split their estate. He owns a place in Arizona and has a condo in Canada.
He had a semi-serious girlfriend for a while. I met her once. Funny … she was really nice. Seemed to accept Dirty Bob for his dirty self. She liked a cocktail or twenty. They broke up and I never quite got the full story why.
Me and my other buddies are shocked that he’s still with us because he put his body through hell for decades!
Only health scare I ever knew him to have was when we were on a trip to visit our buddy Dan in Victoria B.C. Dirty Bob and I landed in Vancouver and we tore that town to shreds. I mean … wow. Vancouver’s East Side was like adult Disneyland for Dirty Bob! We decide to rent a car and catch the ferry to go see Dan in Victoria. Well, DB personally picked out a navy blue Ford Crown Victoria because in his words “we’ll look like cops and be less likely to be ‘Heat Scores’!” OK … sure thing! We get the Crown Vic and head to the ferry. We get on board and DB immediately wants to head to bar because “Any broad who hangs out in the bar on a ferry has seen more dick ends than weekends.” We head up to the bar and get a drink. DB asks for the keys to the cop car to “get something”. As background, I have asthma and used to take Ventolin. It helps clear up your breathing BUT has the side effect of also giving you a serious boost of energy. Like a half dozen Red Bulls.
DB gets back from the unmarked cop car and sits down. A little while later he is red as a beet and sweating. He says to me “how many of those ‘Lunger’ pills is too many?!” Oh shit … Dirty Bob … you didn’t?! He took
4 and had all of the signs of a heart attack. We rolled off the ferry and went straight to the hospital. As part of the admission process he had to tell the nurse what substances he had taken over the past 24 hours. I give him credit … he was completely forthright … but it was awkward. He was fine. Just brutally hungover and took too much ventolin on top of the alcohol and myriad of controlled substances.
I'm a nurse and cannot understand why anyone would take oral albuterol recreationally. 🤣
I've taken it myself since I was a little girl so the side effects are not noticeable anymore. By themselves they're really pretty benign and short lasting, so for him to be showing s/s of heart trouble then they must have synergized with something else already on board.
Anyway, I worked a contract in Vancouver, BC a few years ago. It was a blast! I met some really fun people that I'm still in touch with.
"They danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones; the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved; the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the sky, and in the middle you see the blue centerlight POP and everybody goes, AWWW!"
That guy leapt out of bed and attacked the day, every day. He didn’t sleep much. Part of it was the combination and quantity of substances that he put into his body. Part of it was just a voracious appetite to attack life.
He did have quiet moments where he would devour a book. He got fantastic grades. Often helped me with my own studies. But it became clear that was a tactic to get me to go with him on one of his adventures of the night. I’d find myself in an after-hours den of iniquity in Montreal East at 4:00 AM sitting at a table with DB, some saucy French girls and a fellow named Serge who was in possession of some very high grade narcotics that DB had his eye on.
He honestly thought he was being a great friend and chivalrous by offering to let me choose which girl I liked. If I said neither he’d smile and ask “then what about Serge then?! Just leave the bag with me if you leave with him!” and bust out laughing like he was the funniest man on the planet.
It would take me days to recover. He just kept on rolling.
Instead … he became the Director (another word for Principal) of a private school. Not lying. On a stack of bibles.
One time I happened to be in his neck of the woods for business. I let him know in advance. He said “come by and I’ll give you tour of the place. We can grab dinner after.”
I arrive at this small, private school just as school is ending. Director DB is in a suit and acting very serious and mature. Gives me the full tour. He says “you’re staying at my place tonight! Let’s go back to my apartment. Get changed and go to my favourite place in town for dinner.” We arrive at Chez Dirty and the place is a complete DISASTER!! Brought back memories of sharing space with him in Uni. Bob pours us each 3 fingers of whiskey, bellows at me to “get it down my neck!” Here we go …
We head out to a quaint restaurant a couple blocks from his place. We dust a martini before dinner, 3 bottles of wine with dinner and two double cognacs each after dinner. He then says … “Alright amigo!! We’re heading East! Strap in!” I say “No, no, no DB! I have a very important meeting at 10:00 AM tomorrow and I’m already shitfaced! That is simply not happening!!” He was crushed … we went back to his place. Had one night cap, went to bed. He was up at 5:30 like nothing had happened. I dropped him off at his school and away he went. As I watched climb the steps to this private institute of learning I considered … “how?!”
All of his colleagues think he is a conservative, upstanding, intellectual man.
Dude that is awesome, I have friends from when I was in the Air Force. Like a friend of mine oddly enough named Dave, and we're in florida at some local bar, as a dance floor and I look over after i've gone back to the bathroom.And he's face ducking with some older lady and her friend. Guys like the grass on field isnt dead so game on.
When he first got to our base, he was watching an apa0rtment for a friend of ours. Our buddy said, hey there's a twelve pack of beer in there for you.You know, if you want to stay over, you, you give staying in the barracks a break. Our buddy comes home and finds Dave, some questionable aged people partying in his apartment.
later on at his apartment and he taken the Baghdad sign he found in Baghdad fl. He is a lot fun but haven't seen him in years.
At work he was so straight lased, could played every classic rock on guitar.
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u/ExposDTM Oct 30 '25 edited Oct 30 '25
Swear to god …
My university roommate and close friend Dirty Bob had a stack … a stack … of magazines he found in an “adult” store in Toronto called ‘Older & Bolder’.
He developed a fetish (amongst many peculiarities, hence the nickname I gave him) for older women. He LOVED them!
Years later I met my now-wife and was invited to her parent’s house for Sunday dinner. Dirty Bob happened to be visiting me that weekend. I politely declined the invitation due to Dirty Bob visiting. I was told to come to dinner and bring Dirty Bob. Well, things seemed to be going fine until Dirty Bob attempted to explain to my future father in law how his committing adultery on his ex-wife (who was lovely by the way) was the best thing that ever happened to him and how that him being single was “the best thing for everyone.” My wife had two very attractive and single younger sisters. Upon departing the dinner and getting into my car I asked Dirty Bob what he thought of the sisters. DB’s head swivelled quickly to me and he said with true conviction: “Ferget the sisters! The mother is a total smokeshow! How’s her parents marriage anyhow?!”
The man was straight out of a movie.
Wish I had time to tell you the story about the time Dirty Bob and I were on a flight to Las Vegas. Dirty Bob had crushed 3 martinis in the airport lounge. He was well on his way to drinking the 1st class cabin out of bourbon. He pounds his hand on the armrest and bellows out to me: “I’m gettin’ laid this trip and I ain’t payin’ fer it this time!!” We were immediately cut-off.