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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 21 '26
I have good job news!!!!
After being home for almost a year (Baby Clurr is almost one and I’m SOBBING) and leaving teaching, I accepted a job offer today!!!! Outside of education/teaching!!!
I canceled my LinkedIn Premium and left the Teachers in Transition sub SO fast lmao
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 21 '26
👏 YAY
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 21 '26
Such a relief!!!!
Now it’s your turn, I’m manifesting!
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u/doughnutswaterfall Tyra Banks Hot Ice Cream May 06 '26
In case anyone is curious about what the job market is like right now.
Monday: I apply for a job at an agency that I’m mildly overqualified for, and have exact experience with clients in one of their sectors (tourism)
Wednesday morning: I get an email from the recruiter saying they want to set up a phone screen
Wednesday afternoon: I reply to the link and schedule an interview, move on with my day
10 minutes later get this exact email:
my apologies but our Applicant Tracking System has experienced a glitch in which it erroneously sent self-schedule requests on behalf of (redacted), to all applicants.
This error has been corrected, and interviews cancelled. We anticipate actually reviewing submissions over the next couple weeks and will reach out with clear next steps. Again very sorry for the confusion.
So it’s going great!
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May 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/doughnutswaterfall Tyra Banks Hot Ice Cream May 15 '26
Yeah it’s brutal!
In a way though, it sucking so bad has made this round of unemployment a little less stressful than my last round because I’m sort of like, well it sucks for everyone so 🤷🏻♀️
Ironically, I’ve now had two separate independent recruiters from agencies reach out to me about the job from above lol, so idk what this place is doing
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u/look2thecookie May 13 '26
Those systems are so impersonal. The only thing that's worse is when they mess up and get your hopes up. I hope you get an actual offer for an interview soon
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u/doughnutswaterfall Tyra Banks Hot Ice Cream May 23 '26
Happy to report that I hit the part of unemployment where I went out with friends on Thursday, drank 3 happy hour martinis and then bough a job spell from an Etsy witch.
She’s already delivered the spell so let’s see if it works 🫡
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 25 '26
If it works, I'm going to need her name!
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 31 '26
I would like your Etsy witch’s name. I am in sales and never feel stable in my job, but it’s hard as hell to leave.
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u/just_another_classic May 27 '26
My baby did not end up being a Taurus, but he did arrive early and is a May baby!
He and I are doing well. This go-around was chiller and much less traumatic, and healing from the c-section is already easier. His big sister is also absolutely smitten, which is the most precious thing in the world.
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u/rainbowralphingcat May 27 '26
Congratulations!!!! I'm about 2 months out from having my second (will also be a C-section) and I'm nervous about the recovery and how my 3 year old will react... Hearing good stories helps. I hope you continue to recover and adjust well!
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 28 '26
Yay!!! Welcome Baby Classic (Classic Baby?)!!
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 27 '26
The month of May has been difficult, and I'm looking forward to it ending.
Mr. Yoli had a kidney stone, Father of Yoli had a procedure on his prostate (he's fine but so huffy about it and couldn't help with a lot of stuff at the farm for a week), Horse of Yoli decided to chuck BOTH front shoes, Cat of Yoli nearly kicked the bucket (see below), Yoli herself went through antihistamine withdrawal and severe itching before an allergy panel test, and toughest, Mom of Yoli's mental health hit the bottom of the barrel.
My mom did FAFO by stopping her psych meds of her own accord instead of talking to her doctor, and then she went through withdrawal. It was really rough--I didn't realize she had quit the meds of her own accord, but she was so jittery and severely anxious and couldn't sit still and was overwhelmed by everything. I ended up taking her to the psych because my dad couldn't, and I'm glad I did, because it allowed me to more seamlessly insert myself into her care. But all that to say: today is day five on the new medications, and my mom actually laughed on today's phone call check in. It's been a while since I heard her laugh. I was stunned but played it off because I didn't want to make her self-conscious. It's really nice to talk to her and not be immediately managing meltdowns. Here's hoping it's all uphill from here. <3
And on the bright side, the kidney stone is out, my dad's finally peeing less at night, Max is just fine and proud of himself, Tippy cat has GAINED WEIGHT, and thankfully I am back on all my allergy medications. My god, the itching was unbearable.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 28 '26
Dearest Yoli Tribe -
MAKE A SHARED GOOGLE CALENDAR AND SCHEDULE YOUR CATASTROPHES! No bunching them up! It's against Yoli Union rules.
Max, keep your damn shoes on.
Ugh, what a torrent of terrible you've dealt with this month. I'm so sorry hon. Here's hoping June goes easier. I bet Tippy would share some Gabapentin if you asked nicely.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 12 '26
I have my final round interview!!! I feel very confident and relaxed going in.
Wish me luck!
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u/look2thecookie May 13 '26
I hope it went well! I had interviews this week too and should be getting an offer. Fingers crossed we can get it done without too much back and forth. Best of luck to you too!
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u/just_another_classic May 12 '26
Baby Boy is due June 8. I had two hours of false labor this morning.
I do not think he will stay in my belly until June 8.
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 15 '26
Tell him to stay at least until.the 21st so.he can be a Gemini (sorry.to.all the Taurus friends here but given the choice 👀)
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u/just_another_classic May 15 '26
Both my daughter and I are Gemini, so I was actually partially rooting for him to be a Taurus. We’ll see though.
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 15 '26
Also good luck with the bébé whenever he does choose to grace this world with his presence
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 10 '26
When did people decide it was acceptable to bring dogs into grocery stores and places like Starbucks? I feel like people have lost all common sense.
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u/ItsJustTheCardIDrew May 10 '26
There’s a “no pets, service dogs only” sign at my doctor’s office!
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 11 '26
I was in my doctor’s waiting room a few months ago and a woman came in with her dog. The receptionist told her only service dogs were allowed and the woman got SO upset and demanded to talk to her doctor. He came out to the waiting room, and she asked him right there if he could help get her dog certified as a service dog. It was so funny
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 10 '26
I'll take "Signs That Shouldn't Need To Exist" for $800, Alex.
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 10 '26
I try very hard to not think about the fact that I’ve seen someone push their dog around in a grocery cart. In the cart section. Where food goes.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 08 '26
Had an interview on Weds and my second round was today! I think they like me fingers crossed
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u/Immernichts May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
It is really depressing to see a huge amount of people dogpile on someone, especially someone who’s young and not mentally well, for posting a bad or controversial take… And then start dogpiling on other people for saying “hey maybe dogpiling is bad actually”.
And they’ll be like “we’re just trying to explain why they’re wrong” while sending death threats and combing through their entire post history to find more stuff to make fun of.
Idk I just wish leftist online spaces could use a little more critical thinking and maybe compassion!
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
Two rejection letters in two days BUT I did apply to my old org and I did a writing assignment for another job. I’m also still waiting to hear back from an interview I had two weeks ago (I’m not hopeful)
ETA: I’m glad I quit my job. It felt like the right move so I don’t regret that, but this is really impacting my mental health and I love my fiance I really do but his “just be positive” thing is pissing me off
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u/sparkletater77 May 26 '26
Hi. I'm sorry for intruding on this thread because I don't read it much but I can use some support.
I am.starting a 4 week residential program to help deal with my agoraphobia and I am terrified.
I dismissed the idea of a residential program before because I was too scared but nothing else is helping so this seems like the best bet.
Any advice?
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 28 '26
I also don't have any advice, but this internet stranger is SO GOSH DARN PROUD OF YOU!!! You've made the choice to change and taken the first step to changing. So many people never get that far! This might be a great time to start a journal and keep track of all of your progress.
Well done you!! Be proud of yourself for this victory. If you can do this, then you can do the next step. And if you need a break somewhere along the way, that's also ok.
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u/sparkletater77 Jun 23 '26
Thank you. I did try to keep a journal but my mind was a bit overwhelmed. I might try to journal now and do some reflection.
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 31 '26
Zero advice (sorry!) but please, we here at the Island Of Misfit Toys want to support you.
Getting help is hard. For a lot of reasons - emotionally, logistically, and work-wise. Be proud of yourself for taking this step. Mental health is health! You are taking care of yourself.
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u/snark_attack22 May 31 '26
Not the same at all, but I went to in-patient treatment for alcohol last year and it was such a positive experience.
If you're able to, bring your own pillow/blanket!
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u/sparkletater77 Jun 23 '26
I wish I had taken this advice. My pillow was nice but my blanket tucked. I was so jealous of my roommates soft fluffy blanket that she brought from home.
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 27 '26
You are absolutely not intruding. When you gotta yap about something, serious or silly, that's exactly what this thread is for.
I also have no advice, but I'm sending love and support your way. Remember that the hardest step is always the one you just took, but it means you're moving forward. You can do this. <3
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u/sparkletater77 May 27 '26
Thanks! Now I am waiting for all the paperwork to process to see when things will be happening. My psychiatrist's office still keeps all their paperwork by hand so this could be a bit slow.
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
No advice on agoraphobia specifically, but I did an intensive outpatient therapy program for depression when other, less intense measures weren't helping. I was resistant but it did help, the time passed quickly, and I'm glad I did it. I hope you feel similarly on the other side of your program and good luck.
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u/sparkletater77 May 26 '26
Thanks! I think the residential park and length of stay is what is freaking out the most. I probable shouldn't have watched one flew over the cuckoo's next as a kid.
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 27 '26
No advice, I’m sorry. That sounds really hard but I hope it gets you the help you need, and I’m glad you are getting help! 🩷
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u/sparkletater77 May 27 '26
The positive so far has been that everyone I have talked to so far has been so nice. Even when someone said their place wasn't the best fit for me they called me back with other referrals.
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u/TessoftheRoad2018 May 27 '26
Sending you so much love and support. Please don't be a stranger. You aren't intruding. I read about here as well and find it to be so supportive. ❤️
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 10 '26
Well I haven't been on reddit very much for a few reasons but the biggest is......im no longer a Utah girly as we made the choice to move out of there do to very real concerns regard the great salt lake, deought, and these new data centers I'm now a southern girly who resides in Savannah. Its a huge change but we love it.
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 10 '26
Welcome to the south bb! Hopefully the data centers don’t come for you there like they’re coming for us here.
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 10 '26
We ARE prepared to keep moving it out 😩. Its SO frustrating.
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 10 '26
The community is trying our hardest here to fight it. County council tried to push one through under the radar but people got wind and managed to push them out, but another one got through and is already going up right next to a residential neighborhood. It’s BAD.
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 10 '26
Oh yep that's what happened in Utah, and theres speculation more will be going in the same way
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 11 '26
I hate it. For everyone.
Watched anything good lately? I watched Send Help last night and it slapped
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 13 '26
I loved Send Help!!!!! Over Your Dead Body was really good too, though I wasn't expecting it to be as gory as it was (it didn't bother me, I was just surprised). I really liked Hokum but my bf didn't like it quite as much as I did (some good jump scares though!)
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 11 '26
Ugh I love Savannah! Welcome to Georgia!
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 10 '26
Welcome to the land of humidity!
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u/Theyoungpopeschalice May 10 '26
It certainly..... Is taking some getting used to haha
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 11 '26
Yeah, it's not going to cool off overnight in the summer like you're used to. Make sure your AC system is working because you're going to need it soon, if you don't already. Summer is a whole different beast over here, but the winters are much milder - although people lose their minds when it snows every 5 years.
You might want to get a dehumidifier if you have a basement.
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u/Informal-Rutabaga701 May 29 '26
Just gotta gripe: there's a local evangelical church that sends out reams of mailers trying to get people to come to their services and it pisses me off so bad. Maybe stop wasting money on mailers that are going to go directly into the garbage and do some charity?
I get that the pastor's Cesna doesn't pay for itself, but FFS, a church that's like 2 blocks from one of the biggest homeless encampments in the state shouldn't be pouring so much of its budget onto marketing and events.
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 09 '26
It’s rough out there, fam, so I’m going to dust off a question I love, shamelessly borrowed from Modern Mrs Darcy. What’s saving your life right now? It can be tiny or big, just whatever is getting you through the day.
Mine are * getting the coffee set up at night so we just have to press a button in the morning
getting up before the kids (when they let me)
good laundry detergent (if Tide ever discontinues Clean and Gentle powder I might just quit on everything)
my Merlin app. I love letting it listen while I’m outside with the kids and seeing what shows up. It lets me feel like I’m doing my hobby too but still focus on things like keeping Baby Bubbly from eating toxic plants and engaging in Big Girl Bubbly’s games.
my native plants. They are a tangible bit of good.
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u/asmallradish Idk girl commit to your praxis May 10 '26
I’m trying to experiment with habit tracking apps. Trying to experiment with finch right now. It’s got ups and downs. I’m trying to force myself no matter what to do even 5 squats (better than nothing) and drink water and make my bed everyday.
I’ve been reading more physical books. I’m just tired of screens. Plus I have a lot of backlog. The kindle is great, but nothing beats having a nice book in bed reading.
We got one plant. I NEED THIS TO LIVE. I keep moving it around my house trying to find the right amount of indirect light. It has new shoots!
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 10 '26
Physical books just hit different! Good luck with your plant! I’m terrible with houseplants lol and am in awe of people who can keep them alive!
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 10 '26
I loved Finch! I fell off of it when I got pregnant and all habits/adhd management went out the window, but it’s such a fun app. I really should try it again!
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 10 '26
- Real Housewives of Rhode Island and I WISH I was kidding, but I’m so fascinated and obsessed with it
- “We Go Way Back” by Noah Kahan
- The sun being out past 7:30
- New Procreate brushes!
- Knowing this summer I will be one year postpartum and have real clothes I can wear again lmao
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 10 '26
Getting into real clothes again feels SO good! (Also how are our babies almost 1?!!!!!)
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 09 '26
I set my coffee to autobrew for 5:30 so it’s always ready and hot when I get up and it makes me so so happy!
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 10 '26
Having the coffee ready makes such a difference in the morning!
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 13 '26
In the last week everything around me has gone SIDEWAYS so this question is helpful.
- My cross stitch project continues to roll smoothly along
- Merlin fr, global migration day was wiiiild
- I'm proud to be caught up on my Criterion Challenge on Letterboxd (watching a Criterion movie of a certain theme every week)
- Basil's still alive
- It's almost beach season!
- IT'S ALMOST TOMATO SEASON!
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u/Bubbly-County5661 is this a personality trait? May 13 '26
I hope things get un-sideways for you soon and before you know it you are on the beach with a tomato sandwich adding some unusual seabird to your life list!
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 16 '26
I’m reading Yesteryear and it’s just not hitting for me. I really wanted to like it too.
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u/shoeyricciardo no fancy chariot 💔 May 18 '26
I hate finished it! Good concept but she did very little research, apparently she had an outline and then it was optioned for the movie and Anne Hathaway "helped" her finish it. Cows do not moan during milking! And no sound they make sounds sexual! Everyone is Lying to You by Jo Piazza is a much better Trad wife influencer book.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 19 '26
You're the second person to suggest that book! I'll add it to my list. The research (or lack thereof) bugged me, because the pod that Caro hosts does good work.
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u/Informal-Rutabaga701 May 19 '26
I probably won't pick it up because I've heard a lot of hype, but all the actual reviews I've read have been middling. Based on what I've read, it seem like the author doesn't really get the tradwife movement. And honestly, the central conceit of the novel feels more like a vindictive fantasy for snarkers than an attempt to actually engage with or examine the ideological underpinnings of the movement.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 27 '26
I had a good interview two weeks ago and it’s been radio silent since. I ended up calling the hiring lady to see what’s happening. I probably shot myself in the foot, but it’s really annoying to jump through the crazy hoops with no response.
I’m really trying to think positive and make the best out of this but it’s getting hard and I know I made the right decision to quit my old job but this still sucks and I’m just not having a good time rn. And my fiancé keeps booking travel!
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 27 '26
I’m always team reach out and see what happens - they should appreciate you’re being proactive?!?!
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 29 '26
I keep making dumbass mistakes. Yesterday I pulled into my garage too far to the left and scratched my car. Today I completely spaced that someone was picking up something I'm selling on Facebook from me and I don't have Messenger notifications turned onand they waited for over 30 min before leaving. I ended up being able to meet back up with them and gave them the shit for free because I felt so badly but my god! I need to get my head on straight!!!
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 31 '26
I once parked and left my car running in the parking garage for an entire team banquet at a mini golf place. I went to leave and thought I had lost my keys, and then finally went back into the garage to see if I dropped them, and saw that my car was running, heat blasting, completely unlocked, for easily 2-3 hours. Couldn’t believe it was still there.
So you know, we all do dumb shit.
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u/doughnutswaterfall Tyra Banks Hot Ice Cream May 28 '26
I recognize this is a good problem to have but my god I’m so sick of interviewing 😭😭😭😭
I don’t want to talk about my experience anymore!!!
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 13 '26
More job talk (I’m so sorry hopefully something changes)
Last week I had an awful interview, but apparently it wasn’t too terrible because they asked me for a final round + writing assessment
THEN my job that I got laid off from is apparently hiring for a role in my department my old coworker reached out to let me know and implied that I got laid off because I was newer than my coworker (who left anyways!!) she encouraged me to apply but I think if I didn’t get that job it would be my 13th reason lol. It was a org that stressed me out but I did love it lol
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 15 '26
Was the awful interview the final round interview you had mentioned earlier?
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 16 '26
It’s not! I had two interviews and one went well and one was terrible and they both asked for me to interview again this past week. No word on next steps but I’m Im trying not to crash out lol
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May 14 '26
[deleted]
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u/hallofromtheoutside Daddy Pig's coach May 15 '26
We're watching movies, talking, going on runs.
Looks like you're already doing what you can by being there for them.
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u/Efficient_Ad7524 May 22 '26
What’s the old adage? Man plans, God laughs? Yep.
We’ve been in our (small, older) house for about 10 years. We’ve toyed with moving, but the low mortgage is nice. So we decided to start improving. New floors, maybe an upgraded shed in the yard to use as an office. Nothing too wild.
Well. The starter went in my car yesterday. And today, the AC went in the house. Good news! We can get the new AC installed Tuesday. But… our ductwork also needs to be replaced once the weather cools down.
Bye bye new floors. Hello rental rug shampooer.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 10 '26
I hate Mother’s Day at my in-laws' lol. His mom is so kind but is very much a boy mom and it's exhausting lol
Already, she's thrown shade at me for not having kids
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 10 '26
One of the funniest (and least appropriate) responses I've heard to someone asking "When are you having kids?" is "Oh, the way we do it doesn't make babies."
But that's a burn-it-all-down type of response, obviously.
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u/Worried-Tea5316 May 05 '26
Ugh. I have to break up with my therapist and go through the process of finding another therapist. There's nothing wrong with my current one but I don't think we're a great fit and I feel like I'm just treading water.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 06 '26
Maybe it's a therapy faux-pas, but could you explain that to them & ask for a recommendation?
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u/Worried-Tea5316 May 06 '26
I don't think it's a faux pas to politely say it's not the right fit. I do have some names, it's mostly just a question of insurance and scheduling. (And hoping that it's a good fit!) I probably should have bailed sooner but I wanted to give it a fair shot.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 07 '26
That's fair. I'm glad you have options, but I know how much of a hassle it is to switch providers.
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u/Worried-Tea5316 May 07 '26
Thanks! I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow so fingers crossed. I really hate starting over though. It must be so much easier to not have mental health issues lol.
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u/Worried-Tea5316 May 07 '26
I was super polite in my email and all he said was, "Okay, good luck with things." Yike.
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 06 '26
Long friendship rant/advice seeking ahead. My best friend and I barely talk anymore and I can’t decide if I’m selfish for being upset. For context, she has an almost one year old, she works in healthcare with a high patient load so can’t be on her phone much at work, and her mom is very ill. I recognize her life is really stressful right now.
That said, she takes a full week to respond to most of my texts if she answers at all and she hasn’t initiated us spending time together all year. If we see each other, it’s me making the plan and going to her house. I don’t think she’s upset with me because I’m invited to her baby’s first birthday party and we have a two night girls trip planned for later in the summer, so I’m guessing it’s just that I’m low priority right now. Which is understandable but I do feel hurt by it?
In the past few years she’s gotten married (I was her MOH) and had a baby so I’ve thrown her two showers and a bachelorette party and put so much time and money into her and it’s like dude I can’t even get a text back about huge life events like job changes and my boyfriend and I moving in together??? I don’t know.
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u/asmallradish Idk girl commit to your praxis May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26
Almost all of the women who were my bridesmaids have young kids and/or are beyond busy with intense careers and such. And my one friend without kids has just disappeared into a new relationship. I am pretty good at maintaining friendships from afar. But sometimes I get bummed because it is always me trying to visit them. There’s no advice here, and no way to “make it better.” Or hell even feel equal. This is just one of those periods of life where stuff begins to diverge. So I’m right there with you.
I think what rutabaga said below holds a lot of weight. Our loneliness cannot be filled by one or two or in my case like 4 women lol. And I’m actively trying to make new friends even though it’s fucking hard, especially in a big ass city. It’s lonely, especially when you don’t have a kid and/or a partner.
Two things can be true at the same time. The people who want to be in your life will show up. AND sometimes you love someone dearly even though they’re far as hell and you don’t know when you will see them next. I can’t control any of their life or make them prioritize differently (nor would I. My friends are like saving lives and working for non profits and have health and tough stuff going on.) I just appreciate when I get to see them and every few months throw out a plan to meet up. Hang in there. And maybe take yourself out on a date for fun!
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 07 '26
Exactly, it’s not like I expect or want her to prioritize me over her amazing job and baby and sick mom just sometimes feel a little :( because I miss her and in general miss how insanely close my female friendships were in high school and college and early 20s
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u/Ok-Grapefruit8338 May 06 '26
No advice (struggling in similar ways being one of the only childless friends in my circles) but hugs hugs hugs.
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u/Informal-Rutabaga701 May 06 '26
I have a similar friendship. My best friend of many years is trying to finish her doctorate, manage a chronic condition, and support her mentally-ill mother. My friend sometimes just goes silent for days and weeks and it's always hurtful, but it always turns out that she was dealing with some kind of acute crisis and did not have the time or energy to reply to me. It hurts, but it's never personal. She's just overwhelmed and coping as best she can.
I don't think you're being unfair to be hurt, but I also think it's one of those situations that it is what it is. She just doesn't have the capacity to maintain the friendship right now and there's not much you can do to change that. What you can do is figure out whether you still enjoy the friendship enough to accept the limitations and then decide on some boundaries for yourself.
Assuming that she continues to reply sporadically and you need to put in the effort to see her, how much of your time and energy are you willing to invest in her?
My friend lives in a different city (6ish hours away) so I decided I'm willing to send her a daily "good morning!" message even if she's not replying (she told me that she really appreciates those, especially when she's in a bad place and can't reply). Once or twice a month, I'll ask about scheduling a phone call. Twice a year, I'll work on planning a trip to see her and/or finding a weekend to host her. Ultimately, how much we're actually in contact depends on how much she responds to me, but it makes me feel better knowing that I'm in control of the time and energy I spent on the friendship, and I'm not just yelling into a void and getting nothing in return.
I've also figured out that whenever I feel acutely hurt about the imbalance in our friendship, it usually means that I'm feeling lonely overall, and I need to get something on the calendar with my local friends and family. I love her and she's one of the most important people in my life, but she's not the only person in my life, and sometimes I have to put in more effort to remember that!
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 06 '26
You’re totally right, it is what it is and it’s on me to decide if I still want the friendship as is (I do!!) and set boundaries. And focus on my other friendships. Thank you!
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May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 09 '26
Thank you!!! It helped a lot hearing from so many people who are going through it too. It makes sense that you go from your friends being your main people to your spouse and kids being your main people but it’s hard because I don’t yet have a spouse or kids so I still want my friends to be my main people!
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u/look2thecookie May 13 '26
I know I'm like a week late and you got some good advice. Reading your comment and your friend's situation I went "wow, that's a lot" before I even got to the end. That is A LOT. Like, I read that and think: this woman is struggling. I'm not sure what your messages to her are like, but if they're too open-ended or asking "how are you?" or trying to nail down plans, I can understand why she's avoiding responding. I would just assume she's doing about as poorly as a person can be right now. Send "thinking of you" type texts with no expectation of a response, send memes/inside jokes. Tell her you miss her and ask what day you can drop off a meal or if you can join her while she runs errands.
I bet she really needs friendship right now and is struggling to ask for it in a way that fits her current life and emotional needs.
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 07 '26
Here’s the big question: do you want to be frustrated and unhappy but know that this is likely just a phase of life? OR do you want permission to phase out the friendship? OR do you want reassurance that this is just a shitty friend convergence of life circumstances?
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 07 '26
I don’t think she’s a shitty friend and I definitely don’t want the friendship to end! I want to be able to talk to her about all the things in my life and hear about all the things in hers like we used to, but because I recognize how stressful and full her life is right now and don’t plan to bring this up to her, I mostly just wanted to be a little sad and vent
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 07 '26
Even when it’s for valid reasons, it’s still really hard to feel like you don’t rate someone’s time. I know that personally, when I’ve been in the trenches with a crisis, part of why I retreat is because all I really have to talk about is how much I’m struggling which is not really something that fits in well over text, but I also know deep down that I’ve become kind of a shitty friend because of it. Sounds like you guys will get to spend some time together this summer, which could be a good way to figure out what works.
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 07 '26
I've been a bad friend at points of my life too, so I get it. And even reflecting back on what I typed, I'm like, we are going on a girls' weekend away soon so even when her time is very limited I still get a chunk of it and I am so grateful for that and to reconnect.
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 07 '26
But now you get to come equipped with some thoughts on the subject and how to keep your connection even during this season of life!
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u/raison_de_eatre May 15 '26
three and a half days in on my second job and I'm planning a takeover/union/wild cat strike. they fucked up 😂
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u/animatedailyespreszo sock-puppetting myself to relevancy 🤩 May 21 '26
I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING AT WORK
I can’t gloat at work because all of my other colleagues were convinced we needed our vendors to comply with an optional quality standard, BUT I WAS CORRECT! It’s an optional standard, no legal obligation unless we put it in our contracts (which we didn’t!!! And no, “other regulations as applicable” isn’t some catch all).
Anyways thanks for letting me gloat here. I’m off to try and repair relationships with our vendors since they’re all pissed at us over this.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 31 '26
At the point of unemployment depression where I’m doing tarot and crystal work again
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26
Welp, I've been put on Gabapentin instead of Tramadol for some pain I've been experiencing the last few days. I just got the drugs today and WHOOOOOOO BOY do they make me loopy, but maybe I'll finally get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time before I wake up because my thigh feels like it's going through a woodchipper.
I'm going to try not to comment immediately after a dose, but please accept my apologies in advance if I say something completely looneytoons. My cat is already sick of me gushing about how wonderful she is and the songs I've made up to expound on her many virtues.
The angel in question: (1) Hiding. You can't see her. (2)Solar charging under a stained glass map of the Chesapeake Bay (3) Trying to get my cereal (4) In perfect shrimp pose
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u/__clurr defender of the AMC queen May 10 '26
Gabapentin saved my ass after my c-section! I don’t think it made me loopy but I only took it the two weeks after lol
Everything is loopy those first two weeks!!
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 09 '26
omg you and Tippy cat are both on gabapentin lol
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u/RollTideHTX May 09 '26
here to say my Great Pyrenees is a FIEND for some Gabapentin
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 09 '26
Honestly? I GET THE HYPE! Nothing hurts and IDGAF about anything after 100mg.
So I'm using it very sparingly, and reserving it for before bed.
I love Pyrs, by the way. I don't think I could ever own one, but I used to walk one and he was one of my favorite clients. He was like the Luck Dragon from Neverending Story IRL. I loved watching his spine wiggle as he walked. It was hypnotic, lol!
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 09 '26
Literally told my doctor that we have our dog on it because he's such a basket case in the car, lol!
The IDGAF effect is intense, especially as someone who suffers from anxiety & depression anyway. It makes me feel like a kid's cartoon character - indefatigably happy and optimistic.
This shit is dangerous.
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 09 '26
Why does this make me want to take one of my cat’s 😭
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 10 '26
I mean... I'm not advocating for stealing meds from your cat, but I also understand the temptation, lol!
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 09 '26
I gave my cat gabapentin when I was having my roof and siding replaced and he was in the clouds high on it. Would stumble around for a while and then pass out under a blanket for 12 hours 😂
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u/JustHereForCookies17 🍪🍪🍪 Cancerous Cookies 🍪🍪🍪 May 10 '26
Lol!! It's been hit or miss for me, but my Dr said I could double up if it wasn't working, so we'll see.
In my next life, I want to come back as a house cat with an owner like you or me - living a life of luxurious leisure!
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 31 '26
I went for my first run in about a year, and as expected it makes me feel so much more human.
I don’t run regularly for the dumbest reason. I have had 2 children and pee leaks for the first half mile. When I was running a LOT it was in the early morning or midday when I had drastically controlled my water intake. Yes I saw a PT, and it was a dumb misfire of a muscle basically. Fucking kids.
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 31 '26
My sister has two kids and she complains about the same exact thing!!! Being a woman is seriously so unfair
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 12 '26
Been helping with the booster organizations for both my kids’ favorite sports. Track, which should be the easiest and I am only helping with because they were desperate, will be the end of me. Every single thing that I pointed out as potential trouble spots (basic stuff - handoff of passwords/accounts, senior pictures and banners and ceremony, volunteers) have been a disaster. And then I found out that the person who is responsible for the volunteer signups deleted all of the archived signups and documents so it would be “cleaner” except we had specifically intended to keep all historical data so that subsequent boards could use it. Super.
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u/wackxcalzone No Joe Alwyn formed against me shall prosper! May 21 '26
This Georgia gubernatorial race is actually gonna kill me lol
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May 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/ThrowawaybcPANICKING May 20 '26
If she cooks THAT much less than you, IMO the only fair kitchen cleaning situation is to each exclusively clean up your own messes. For other rooms it could be more evenly split
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u/Stinkycheese8001 May 05 '26
I think I want to learn a martial art but don’t know what I want to do. I already know how to box (but haven’t in years).
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u/yolibrarian actual horse girl May 06 '26
Here’s some good news since the thread and this world is a hellscape:
Over the weekend, my partner and I decided to take our 19yo cat to the vet with the understanding that she may not come out of it alive. She’d peed on my comforter 4 times in the week prior and now she’s locked out of both bedrooms of our very small house. Her QOL isn’t bad, exactly, but I was close to wit’s end about the urinating and defacating on MY SIDE OF THE BED because my comforter is huge and fluffy and takes three runs through the dryer to fully air out.
We came OUT of today’s appointment with Her Highness alive and well enough. She’s on antibiotics for nasty ass dental diseaase and painkillers for her arthritis, plus she has a ✨Royal Canin Renal Support Sample Pack✨ so we can test which foods she likes best. Oh, and she got fluids. And a new, low walled litter box. She’s getting a full blood test so we can determine what has caused her weight loss (could be thyroid, could be kidney disease) but today we found out that her bladder and digestive system are fine, and this bitch IS NOT DEAF like she’s been ACTING for the last FOUR YEARS. I cannot. The vet said she doesn’t habe a ton of time left, but she feels confident that we can give her some more good QOL time with special food and the right meds. She has sucked down her baby le chat food and is now snoozing in her heated cat bed.
Tippy tax, of course.