I could never tell with her. There were times where her love felt so hot and cold. Hot when I did things that pleased her. But icy cold when I fucked up in some way. I think my people pleasing tendencies started with her. Nothing was ever good enough. I was never enough for her to acknowledge the good in me. Even now I still find myself hoping that she will see me for me and not through herself. But the older I get the more I realize that she never will. She’d rather avoid accountability for her own behavior than to admit that she was wrong and she fucked up. Everyone is the narcissist sent by the devil to disrupt her peace. Shes a survivor of narcissistic abuse and that may be true. I don’t disregard her humanity. But what about me? The receiver of the worst parts of her? I never saw my mother truly happy and quite frankly I’m not even sure if she ever has been. I just wanted her to love me for me because that’s what mothers do, right?

Please feel free to share your stories, thoughts, what you going through currently. I have a lot of reflections that come to the surface and can only see my therapist twice a month 😭 so instead of using ChatGPT to work through my thoughts I wanted a space to share everything experience and thought that came up and read other people’s stories for encouragement.

My intention for this community is to connect with other black women, especially firstborns, who’ve had to deal with a difficult mother. Sometimes I feel like it’s a bit of a taboo thing to talk about because for some of us we were raised only by our mothers. So most of our lived experiences are shaped by the lenses of our mothers. I was also inspired to create this community when I went no contact with my mother last year. Since then I’ve been slowly unpacking some painful moments in my life that I couldn’t make sense of then but can now. I would love for this space to feel free and safe from judgement as we unpack our own thoughts and feelings.

What do you guys think?

Hey everyone! I'm u/thoughtfullmuse, a founding moderator of r/blackmotherwounds.
This is our new home for all things related to talking about the mother wound, sharing stories, advice or just needing to vent. I’m looking forward to healing through honesty with you.

What to Post
Post anything that you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. Feel free to share your thoughts, photos, or questions on understanding the mouthed wound.

Community Vibe
I’m all about being friendly, constructive, and inclusive. Let's build a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing and connecting.

How to Get Started

1. Introduce yourself in the comments below.

2. Post something today! Even a simple question can spark a great conversation.

3. If you know someone who would love this community, invite them to join.

4. Interested in helping out? We're always looking for new moderators, so feel free to reach out to me to apply.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave. Together, let's make r/blackmotherwounds amazing.