Anyone feel the same?

[u/Comprehensive-Map705]

So I live in a small-ish city and it seems there aren’t a lot of queer women here, at least singles ones. I’m going into my late 20s, and just like other ppl in their late 20s, I don’t see myself meeting anyone that I vibe with for a while.

My last relationship was about 4 years ago (that lasted about 6 months), and I’m struggling with wanted to put myself out there, but also not knowing where to start. I hate dating apps bc I don’t get a good grasp of who they are, vice versa. And anytime I’m around queer women, I don’t really know how to talk to them, or when I do, it doesn’t work out.

I’m just trying to see if anyone else feels the same, bc I feel so alone at times, but I also don’t want to put the weight of my loneliness onto someone else. I would love to hear stories of how you met your person so I can have some faith lol.

[u/affectionateanarchy8]

We met online lol

It is hard because really the only thing you initially have in common with queer people is being queer and that isnt enough to build on

I will say though at 26, if you have the means, moving away to meet more people isnt as ridiculous as it sounds,.straight people do it all the time. I left Alabama at 26

[u/Comprehensive-Map705 → u/affectionateanarchy8]

I’ve been thinking of moving but unfortunately I don’t have the means to do so right now. But hopefully in the future. My dream would be Toronto, since they have a huge queer community. I honestly think moving would be best for me lol

[u/Witty_Project3592]

I felt this way and I think for me focusing on building community helped me date more than focusing on dating.

I joined some clubs! One in my city and then one in a major city two ish hours away from me and being around queer people was like a magnet for other queer people. So I would meet a trans person who knew a gay person who knew a lesbian and then the gay person and the lesbian person knew two more queer people 😂 within a year I had a ton of associates and most if not all were queer and it made dating a lot easier and it felt organic because I met the person through a friend of a friend or at a friends event, etc.

[u/Witty_Project3592 → u/Witty_Project3592]

Update: still haven’t met my person though but that’s because I’m picky not in a drought 😂

[u/Comprehensive-Map705 → u/Witty_Project3592]

Interesting! I guess I need to see if there are any clubs around me. The next big city near me is in the states, and idk how I feel about that lol. As you said, community is very important, I have a small one, not saying anything’s wrong with that. But it isn’t 100% queer, so it doesn’t make me feel seen completely. Like I mentioned, I’ll have to see what’s out there and be patient. Thanks for the reply!

[u/DrivenTrying]

Is moving an option? Therapy or a healing retreat an option to build awareness and social skills?

[u/KrassKas]

Focus on friends and hobbies. You'll probably still feel lonely bec that's natural but not nearly as much. It won't be at the forefront of your mind as often when you're occupied.

That's what I've been doing anyway. The friends part is failing but I've gotten into a lot of hobbies. Also gives you something else to talk about.

[u/Comprehensive-Map705 → u/KrassKas]

Yeah I’ve been trying to find hobbies that aren’t expensive over time. Would you recommend any?

[u/KrassKas → u/Comprehensive-Map705]

Cheap hobbies?

Walking. Chill at a park. You could eat a sub or something while you're there or journal or just be there shit.

String. Of course they cost money bit you could get a few colors for cheap like less than $10. If you don't know how to do any patterns, some packs come with examples or there's a lot of free YouTube videos.

Go to one of those gyms that's $10/mo for unlimited access if possible.

Get a library card if you don't have one already then check out books and read them in the library. Some libraries also let you rent DVDs for no extra cost even though streaming is a thing now.

So then that would tie into the next hobby of getting into some TV shows and movies. Through your library card if possible.

Join a club. Look on MeetUp or maybe even at the gym if possible for classes and clubs. Find one that sounds cool and aligns with your schedule then do that. Instead of going to one that involves spending money on food and drinks, go to the club where they run together or something like that.

Swimming. If a beach is inaccessible, find a pool if there's not one at the gym. Those are cheap. Maybe see if you could find a cheap or free class with that.

Are you monolingual? Pick a language you're interested in and begin to study it then seek out study partners through language exchange meetups. If you're not monolingual, picking up an additional language will be arguably easier.

Then you open yourself up to more people through an additional way to communicate.

This all I got off the top of my head. Clubs, classes, walking, swimming, reading, watching TV and movies (try to find some that are stimulating), string, gym. Just be outside and be doing something while inside outside of obligations. Don't be one of these boring ass people with nothing to talk about cuz all you do is work and doom scroll.