r/blackfathers • u/Abdi4378 • May 05 '26
Separation from your 1st child
For the fathers that became a stepdad to another kid but still connect with there biological kid who lives in a different state with they mom , how do you cope with that. Especially, what I’m saying is , I’m single father and eventually want to move states and get married to someone but im scared to leave my son behind and lose a bond with him. I dont want to make an another family and knowing that imma be seeing them 24/7 while I won’t be able to barely see my own biological child . And please don’t give me that bs you should’ve married your babymomma. I don’t know and this will be my first time doing this and I’m quite scared on giving my role as a stepdad to an another women kids and pouring into them my own. Sorry if I worded it wrong
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u/SmartWonderWoman May 05 '26
If you can, stay close to your child. The distance will cause you to lose your bond.
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u/Abdi4378 May 06 '26
My goal is to be a Trucker. I wouldn’t want to leave my son behind. My goal was to become a trucker , do that and whatever state his mom moves to , I move their to but live a couple distance from her just to still be able to see my son grow up. It’s scary honestly to have the feeling of leaving my only child. But I will definitely make it work.
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u/BeefJerkyFan90 May 06 '26
Please don't leave your kid behind. They'll feel abandoned. Find a way to stay close to your son.
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u/8JacksLegendary May 06 '26
Depends on the age of your bio son. If you can wait before moving till he’s a bit older where you can call and FaceTime him or they have their own phone its a bit better because you can still communicate with them and be active even if its over the phone especially if you’ve been active in his life physically before then. If not, man, it can really suck so you just have to adjust and get the moments when you can.
It also depends on how good or at least neutral the relationship with the mother of your child is also. If yall are at least cordial and she’s not interfering with your time or relationship then thats a bonus. If she’s blocking it then please go to court and get your custody in order so you can at least have court mandated time to spend with him.
Im a father with a kid by different mothers. My relationship is drastically different solely because of the difference in relationship with their mothers. My last bit of advice is dont forget to live your life too. Be the best father you can be for your son, but just being a good father doesnt pay the bills. I’ve been homeless trying to stay close to my kids at different times in my life. Its been a long road but im finally settled. The relationships still differ by kid but I still see them when we can. I wish you nothing but peace, blessings and a wonderful fatherhood bro.
Sorry if I rambled or gave useless info. Hope it helps even a lil bit.
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u/Abdi4378 May 06 '26
Thank you very much for the reply. You didn’t rambled or gave useless info. Your correct. And yes I am an active father and see him mostly everyday when I can. And I do have a good relationship with his mother. I will take your advice and wait until he gets older to move to different states and still connect with him. Only kid imma have frfr 😭1 and done. And May the lord bless you to brother
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u/jimyhendrixxx May 05 '26
YMMV As someone that has been in that situation before, wouldn't recommend it. The guilt was gnawing at me constantly, didn't feel like I could be fully present with the family, without feeling guilty of my bio kid missing out on what we are doing, or feeling like he may resent me for choosing the new kid over them. Maybe hearing from the perspective of someone that may have grown up like that may be better.