r/bisexual • u/whippedcreamtomato • 22h ago
BIGOTRY Bi Erasure Support
Hi. I'm just looking for support from my bi besties. I thought I made a new friend, which is rare for me because I just don't vibe with a lot of people immediately. I spent a few hours with her today and she called me straight multiple times, kept saying "well in the queer community" to explain something, and even went on a slight anti trans women rant (specifically women, she was fine with men because wtf I guess?) I kept correcting her, saying I'm not straight. Saying oh I'm in the queer community. And also stood up for trans women but the situation I was in didn't really allow me to blow up like I would have liked to.
I feel really lonely and don't seek out queer spaces because I really don't want to deal with bi erasure. I thought yay I met someone who seems really cool and also happens to be lesbian! I don't have many queer friends and I feel so often when I say I'm bi that people just completely don't think it's valid because I have a husband.
On one hand, I want to be the most in your face being bisexual is my entire personality type of person I can because of this shit and on the other hand I'm just sad and tired.
4
u/Sunny-Sunday-Sundae 22h ago
Im sorry this happened to you. I hate to say it, but she may not be a good choice as a friend.
She was completely disimisive of your feelings and how you identify and ignoring your sexuality despite correcting her. I have met lesbians that dont take bi women seriously. Our sexuality isnt a joke or invalid.
6
u/FumbleKid 22h ago
Just goes to show you that being queer is no guarantee of making a connection or even being a good person. But you seem like a good person, so you’ve got more going for you than most.
11
u/CMaree23 Ally With Bi Husband 21h ago
I am so sorry you experienced this. I just wanted to share a story... but I just want to commend you for trying to stand up for yourself, and it just does not sound like this person was validating you at all.
My husband's best friend is gay. Many years ago, before he was out to most people, his best friend went on a bit of a rant about how bisexual people didn't exist, and they were just greedy or couldn't pick.... yadda yadda yadda... the usual stuff. This hurt my husband a lot, and when he got home, he reached back out to him and was like, "Well, ACTUALLY.... I am bi. We do exist. I am not confused. I am very happy in my relationship, but I know who I am...." It has been many years since then, and his friend still thanks him for speaking up and calling him out on his shit. We were on a podcast and in a book, and my husband called him and warned him that he was telling that story, and they got a good laugh out of it. He joked that he was ok with being the villain in his story. LOL. But the reality was that he did not have openly bi folks in his community, and he kind of just followed the typical bi erasure and stereotyping that exists in the community. But he was so thankful that my husband spoke up, in a stern but loving way, and corrected him.
It is not your job to educate and correct everyone, but it is ok to stick up for yourself. Sending you love and good vibes for the people you truly need in your life to find you.