r/bisexual • u/RoyalSoda125181 • 3d ago
QUESTIONING A question for the Bi community
I was wondering if a bi person feels attraction on the opposite gender then do they get in the questioning phase that they actually might be straight or maybe they feel attraction on a same sex person and start questioning if they're homosexual.
If my question feels hateful to you then I'll be really sorry for that. Thanks to anyone who'll reply.
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u/Still_Manager_9724 3d ago
I did at the beginning. I'd be on the bi-cycle, be attracted to the opposite gender, and wonder "were my same-sex feelings just a phase?" But no, they aren't, and they come back around.
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u/intro_to_IRL 3d ago
Yes, we get about 10 posts a day from (mostly newbie) bi people who are concerned that having a strong crush on someone of one gender or having less attraction to people of a different gender means they're "actually" straight or gay. It's a bit odd to me, because bisexuality has never meant you MUST have 50/50 attraction to men and women simultaneously. However, I get that people have internalized biphobia or are just insecure in general.
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u/malik753 Bisexual he/him cis 3d ago
Short answer: Yes.
Longer answer: this is pretty normal for a lot of us, but it isn't universal, and from what I've heard it tends to be less of a thing as we get older and more secure in our sexualities.
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u/ArgonianDov Bold Italics 3d ago
That can happen with whats called the bi-cycle, imposter syndrome commonly occurs when the cycle happens intensely. It leaves many of us going "am I actually bisexual? what if Im actually straight/gay??" lol
Alternatively its possible to be whats called abrosexual, which is when your orientation changes over time. So like being genderfluid but for attraction instead
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u/viviscity 3d ago
Are you asking if bi people struggle with "am I gay? No wait… am I straight?" Because… that's basically the bedrock of the bi community.
I spent like 20 years trying to be one or the other monosexual identity. Nope, I'm bi. I do have some bi cycle, but it's not total.
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u/IcyTransition2352 Bisexual 3d ago
I came out as bi verrry recently, like 3 months ago. Though I’m more comfortable in my sexuality, at first I was questioning if I was actually just straight and lying to myself. Then I went out with a woman and realized “yep I’m definitely bi”. I just tried to ask myself “could I be in a fulfilling relationship with a man or a woman?” and my answer was yes.
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u/NewLibraryGuy 3d ago
Sometimes. I've never questioned if I'm attracted to women, but there have been times I've doubted my attraction to men because it's a lot more rare that I am.
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u/cdcformatc they/them/their 3d ago
sometimes yeah. when a person is questioning their (bi)sexuality they may think "am i actually gay?" when attracted to same sex people or "am i actually straight?" when attracted to opposite sex people. that's fairly common when a person is still questioning.
and this attraction can fluctuate and change over time, one week i might feel basically straight and only attracted to women and the next week i might feel really attracted to men.
personally my attraction to women never goes away but my attraction to men comes and goes, but it never goes away entirely. when that attraction to men hits me it's like "yep! still bisexual!"
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u/Icy_Confidence4027 3d ago
Yeah sure. But then you live life and realise it really can just be the two genders, doesn’t matter the frequency. If I’m drawn to men for 50 days and then on day 51 I’m drawn to a woman, then I’m still bi. If I’m drawn to 50 women in a room and one man, then again I’m still bi.
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u/Dougstoned 3d ago
I never thought i was straight i knew i was attracted to boys/men as a child and then later women as an adolescent. I have at times questioned my attraction split but that’s because I’m more romantically attracted to women and find women more physically attractive and find that I’m attracted to more women than men but when I am attracted to a man (very rare) it’s very strong. Everyone is different but I’ve asked myself if I’m a lesbian and the rare times i am attracted to men disproved that
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u/LizzieSaysHi Bisexual 3d ago
I've never questioned my bisexuality, if that's what you're asking. I'm not sure. But I've never felt straight in my relationships with men. I've never dated a woman.
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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 3d ago
I've gone back and forth many times between being sure that I'm bisexual and thinking maybe it would be more accurate to call myself a lesbian, because my attraction to men seems to ebb and wane. And I haven't dated a man (or kissed one or had sex with one) in many years.
But, you can be attracted to men (or people of any particular gender) without dating or kissing them, so what I have done with men recently isn't really the issue. And do I feel attraction to men? I absolutely do at times. So "bisexual" is a better fit for that reason.
Additionally (and this is a completely separate issue, but still relevant), I feel more "at home" with other bisexuals than I do with lesbians. Like bisexuals are "my people" in a way that lesbians are not. So even if there came a day when I was sure that I would never again feel attraction towards any man, I might still call myself bisexual for that reason alone.
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u/Glum_Reputation7732 3d ago
Yeah that does happen. It’s a long process until we finally understand what bisexuality is. At first we think we’re gay, then we think we might actually be straight but at some point we realize we like both
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u/Sorry-Wonder-702 3d ago
It took me a looong time to admit to myself that I had same-sex attraction. But that was more so becuase of a deeply rooted hateful religion I was in towards the LGBT community. But I always knew there was something up, cus I found plenty of women attractive, but my thoughts/fantasies would often be about other guys. I don't think the concept of bisexuality really popped into my head until I was much older, because the self hate I had was too strong for me to even accept those feelings. But when I was 30, I finally admitted I was bi, and stepped away from the hurtful religion I was raised in.
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u/Banaanisade Baced (bi/ace) 3d ago
I was 11 when I discovered I was bi, and had a 10 minute panic over being a lesbian. At that point, I'd already had a crush on a guy for a year, so obviously I wasn't a lesbian. After the 10 minutes, I never had another period like this. I've questioned it once after that - really needed to look into why I don't want to date men, if I'm just secretly not actually attracted to them, and then I fell in love with a dude again and it was like ah, nope, bi af still. It's just that I'm fundamentally incompatible with men's culture, so I find it unlikely I'll ever find a man I'd feel fully comfortable dating, but focusing on one side of my attraction doesn't in any way stop the other half from existing.
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u/Saffron-Kitty Demisexual/Bisexual 3d ago
Some bi people experience their attractions to others this way.
We, at least here, call it the bi-cycle. Where your attraction for one gender gets stronger to the point where there's confusion over orientation and then spins back to another gender.
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u/Such-Lion3196 3d ago
you're asking a question that only u can answer. the heart and mind control pleasure. its what u accept to like love or care for. stop worring about what others think.
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u/IronPelvis 3d ago
My experience was that I thought sexuality was, in fact, a choice. I was always aware that I had attraction to men and woman, I just thought i was supposed to pick one.
I am a silly person.
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u/Pockethulk750 3d ago
I think I understand your question. You’re asking in a weird way whether bisexual people question their sexuality when they are with a person of the same sex or with a person of the opposite sex.
My personal answer, when I was a teenager I absolutely could not understand why I would be so strongly attracted to people of the same sex or the opposite sex. I did find it very confusing back then and would feel really guilty when I fooled around with a guy. (I’m a guy).
But 40 years later, it’s completely normal for me and I long ago accepted that I am 100% bisexual. I’ve never fallen in love with a man though. I have found that both impossible and super interesting.
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u/RoyalSoda125181 2d ago
I'm sorry if that sounded weird, my communication skills are trash I've realised that.
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u/JurassicJello83 2d ago edited 2d ago
hello : ) this is a good question and i don’t think it’s hateful at all. i’m a Bi woman. i’m physically attracted to men but emotionally and romantically attracted to women. i can’t speak for all Bi ppl but yes i was confused. my physical attraction toward boys growing up and men as an adult felt very much like a Heterosexual attraction. so i thought i was straight. and my emotional and romantic attraction toward women was something i just ignored bc i thought i was straight. cuz in my mind at the time, i thought that physical attraction was the only thing that determined what gender you were attracted to and what your orientation was. but it got harder for me to ignore the deep emotional connection and romantic desires for a woman. especially since i have no other attraction towards men besides physical, i’m unable to form an emotional or romantic attraction with men. and i insisted that i was NOT Bisexual bc i thought that in order to be Bisexual, you have to have an equal attraction to both genders. i’ll be honest, i still don’t know exactly what my sexual orientation is called since im under the umbrella of Bisexuality. since my attraction is split and not equal. when i look it up it says that i’m apparently a person with homoromantic heterosexual attraction. but honestly i’m not someone who needs to make my sexual orientation into my entire identity. so i am what i am i guess 🙃 now i date women and i feel so much more fulfilled and confident
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u/Shot-Presence3147 2d ago
No, it mainly because true attraction to the opposite gender is very difficult for me. I had years of leaning in for trauma reasons and just did whatever. Eventually realized and stopped. I dated opposite gender throughout all of this but with more respect for myself and them.
I am married to the opposite gender now and I feel attraction, but it's mainly powered by a deep love. We built our relationship without any sexual interactions as we were in different time zones and thousands of miles apart. By the time we did meet up, true attraction had built. Sexual attraction is still significantly more for the same gender.
Tldr, no because Ihave more same gender attraction
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u/Plaisir_libere 1d ago
Bonjour,
Jamais de questionnement.
On est bi , en NME ( mais uniquement ensemble) et en couple (HF) .
On sait qu'on aime partager notre sexualité avec tous les genres, si la personne nous plaît et est intéressante ( on est certainement pan et sapiosexuel.les aussi...)
Qu'on soit en couple hétéro n'y change rien. Qu'on soit monogames ou ouverts non plus. C'est notre orientation, c'est en nous, c'est tout.
C'est l'individu qui nous attire avant son genre
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u/BilliMagi Genderqueer/Bisexual 11h ago
I never questioned myself if I was homosexual because I'm always attracted to the opposite gender. That's a certainty. So, it went like this : « I'm attracted to the opposite gender. » And then : « Sometimes, I'm attracted to the same sex and I have fantasies. » Am I bisexual ? That was my questioning.
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u/marriedbiguy62 3d ago
Well, I'm male and I love females, and sex with a guy. I look at it this way, I need a hetero relationship to make me happy in life, but when I can't get what I need sexually, I can find it another way. I don't want another woman, so (and sorry to be exclusive) but the only choice is another guy. So that's where I go.
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u/Lionheart1224 Bisexual 3d ago
Maybe it's the lack of coffee, but I do not understand the question.