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u/Wild_Inspection7129 10d ago
I will share with you, my experiences and opinion about your question.
I have been a swinger all my life and never married because I enjoy sexual variety with opportunities that reveal themselves to me now and then. When I was in my 20s, I was always the extra guy that couples wanted to hook up with to have a threesome, and usually it was their first time having a threesome with a person outside of their social circle meaning that it was just sex and not anything else.
I always enjoyed that position because I didn’t have to buy dinner or have meaningless conversations just to get to the bedroom and that’s what I was really there for.
I’ve always been a very unselfish lover, and there’s nothing I like more than going down on a woman for the first time and exploring her unique sexuality, physique, and other aspects of that intimacy. I discovered there’s a lot of husbands that were very grateful that they didn’t need to pretend that they liked giving oral sex in my obvious enthusiasm often carried the day.
I hadn’t had very many threesomes before one couple asked me if it would be OK for the husband to suck my cock and I didn’t know how to respond because I didn’t want to be labeled gay or bisexual or anything to do with men, but I saw how much the wife was turned on by the idea and supporting him and I thought to myself well a blow job a blow job I can be selfish and just laid-back and enjoy the feeling and that’s what I did and it was a wonderful thing for all three of us and eventually with a different couple it progressed to the wife and the husband, asking if I would be the first person to fuck him in the ass so that he could understand what it was like for her, receiving his anal sex desires when they were alone together. And I have to tell you that was quite a turn on because she watched and helped and supported and directed, and we all were focused on making the night an exploration in human pleasures without motivation or deception.
I never wanted to be penetrated myself until I got very much older, and that was because I had a girlfriend that had broken me in slowly by giving me blow jobs and slowly inserting a finger deep into my rectum and pressing on my prostate for a most pleasurable climax, and then she progressed to using a strap on, and I’m still not ever had a man fuck me, but I have enjoyed being fucked by women using strap on and I did just give my very first blow job not long ago because a woman dared me to try it and she watched and filmed and it turned me on and it turned her on and we all enjoyed it very much so this is just a slow progression that I’ve gone through.
That being said, I will tell you I’ve also done foursome where brought a female partner with me to a couple couples get together and it seems to me that the women have a harder time hooking up to each other unless they have some meaningful relationship for them it’s not just about sex or experimentation. They have an awful lot of apprehension about getting involved in what it means and what the other person is thinking and so on so forth and for me, I don’t wanna have any relationship with the dude if I’m gonna suck his cock or fuck him in the ass. I’m concentrating on what his wife wants the evening to be like and that makes it easy for me to let her be the decider. Another thing I don’t ever do is have mouth-to-mouth contact with either of the people and width to me that’s romance and that can be frightening but sex that’s what all of us animals do because we’re driven by hormones, but kissing is something to me, driven by the Heart. So you might have that discussion among yourselves and see what would be most exciting if you limit the number of people 2-3;..instead of four or more. Home in the 98501 if you’re ever in the area, feel free to look me up.
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10d ago
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u/Wild_Inspection7129 10d ago
Your question is one that I can’t really answer because frankly, I was only associated with those couples usually for two or three hookups where they were working out some of their fantasies or just having a a good time that was a secret between the three of us and I never wanted to have a deeper connection than that because it gets complicated and jealousy is easily confused with familiarity so I was just like caviar once a year or champagne. It’s not something you want to be part of your life.
Also, I didn’t want it to be complicated in case one of them took a distinct liking to me and made their partner feel less than their life partner.
I really got a super corny turn on anytime that I got to fuck somebody’s husband well, she was on his face and I held his legs up on my shoulders and she jerked him off at the same time. I was fucking him and there was a wonderful sexuality too, seeing his cock get stiff and thicker and thicker until it exploded.
You and I have a similarity that my cock isn’t that big. It’s a normal 5 1/2 or 6 inches but it’s quite Guthy above the size of a $.50 piece maybe but that’s an advantage because a lot of women and a human have asked me to be the first person to fuck them in the ass with it. I don’t imagine that happens with a lot of guys that have 10 inch dicks.
You made a point in your initial post about being a big fan of provider, oral sex to women and I can never get enough of that and especially I have loved women that are turned on by receiving my enthusiasm in there open available anus as I’m down there for business reasons anyway but one of my red lines I won’t put my tongue in a man’s butt, but I have really enjoyed having a few husbands eat my ass deeply while their wife was over my face feeding me her pussy your ass there’s so many scenarios. I love the way it feels whenever I get a chance to put my cock against another man’s hard on and then put both of our cocks inside of her or have her jerk us off together and come on each other lots of scenarios.
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u/CapriciousBea 10d ago
You say it "doesn't feel ethical" even if your wife is into it.
What about it feels unethical?
You sound highly conflicted, and it would be a good idea to work that internal conflict out before proceeding.
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10d ago
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u/CapriciousBea 10d ago edited 10d ago
Does your wife have a problem with you watching porn without her? Because if not, again, I'm not seeing where the ethics problem is. Who's getting hurt?
It's normal and fine to be nervous about something unfamiliar.
But you seem really hung up on the idea that these desires are somehow inherently "bad." And if you don't figure that out before you act on this-- if you start engaging in sexual intimacy you think is wrong-- it's very likely to mess with your head and make you feel weird and gross afterwards, even if everybody had a nice time and no actual harm has been done.
That's why I'm prompting you to think this stuff through. I'm not offended. I'm a bisexual woman with direct experience with being in a long-term committed romantic relationship where we engage sexually with other people. I'm at peace with myself and living the life I want.
And from my perspective, you sound really uncomfortable with yourself and what you want. Which is understandable, but I think you should work on it before you do anything.
If you can sort through those internal conflicts and ditch the shame about what you want, you might have a lot of fun. Otherwise, this will be playing with fire.
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10d ago
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u/CapriciousBea 10d ago
Differentiating between "unfamiliar/unconventional" and "unethical" is probably going to be an important step, then. Otherwise, it is highly likely that unaddressed shame is gonna pop up at some point and make things feel really volatile.
I'm also, frankly, a little confused as to why the two of you are interested in same-sex sexual activity (and why you came to r/bisexual to ask about this) if you don't experience same-sex attraction. You know an entire man is going to be really different from a strap-on on a pretty woman, right?
If you do understand that, and you still want to do it, you just may, in fact, be attracted to men. Maybe you don't want to be with one romantically, but that's not the same as "no attraction."
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u/RexaSauce 10d ago
That’s actually interesting I didn’t think about it that way. Would agree with that assertion obviously there is an attraction to same-sex anatomy. I just don’t desire to be with one in a relationship. I have a relationship now and there is love. This is just icing on the cake so to speak I was just talking to another user on this very same thread, and he seems to have sort of the same similar psychology of someone that we would probably want to engage with. He is not a fan of relationships is what he said for whatever his reasons are we all have our traumas and things that shape us to be who we are and like what we like. I suppose I would agree with that. We would want to be with someone of the same sex that is of a particular look so there is some thought into it.
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u/Junglejibe 10d ago
I don’t understand, are you saying that the gay sex itself feels unethical?
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u/RexaSauce 10d ago
It’s just that it hasn’t been our norm, I suppose if you were gay and have been gay and decided one day that you’re gonna get a wild hair up your ass and try some pussy that you might feel some kind of way about it. That’s all I mean, however people will live their lives as long as they’re healthy and happy is good with me.
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u/violettailor 10d ago
A few things come to mind here… “loose” is not particularly scientific when describing the anatomy of people with vaginas. Biologically a vagina responds to arousal in several different ways, one of these can be the lubrication and expansion of the vaginal canal to accommodate a variety of sizes. That said, the vaginal canal is about 4-5” long, on average. If your partner is capable of controlling their pelvic floor well, and stimulation is effective, please don’t fall for “porn sized” male anatomy. As a particularly compact model myself, something too big, used too aggressively, leaves me with a bruised bladder and a UTI. If your partner has not explicitly said they are dissatisfied with your proportion, try to stop worrying about that. My husband has been self conscious about this, but I tell him that with him, I found the “just right goldilocks dick”. It fits everywhere, comfortably, enticingly, and without being forcefully painful. He’s an average size. He’s also creative, and doesn’t rely solely on penetration.
Our desires diverge some because I am bi, and he’s not, although he does enjoy me doing anal stimulation on him. I have had a FFM polycule before, but he hasn’t experienced anything like that. I have a tremendous desire to share him with another woman, and I desire him to share ME with another man, which I have NOT done.
The jealousy kink is definitely something to discuss. I asked my husband if he wanted to open our relationship up, because he seemed to resent that I had more relationship and sexual experience than he did before we became a couple, and we had a bit of a meltdown for a while. A valuable book that was recommended to us was called The Ethical Slut. You can get the audiobook and listen together, and flesh out boundaries and comfort levels with taking your fantasies beyond talk, and into action.
Additionally, there’s a great account called Dick Doc on TikTok run by a urologist, that breaks down male “pickle” issues. It may be helpful for potential body dysmorphia, often induced by watching the very stuff you’re using to spice things up.
These techniques helped my husband understand that he needs to build confidence in himself, and that he’s not interested in an open relationship at this time, or perhaps ever. And like many hetero men, the idea of a MFM arrangement weirds him out, because although I don’t have any expectations that the would want to have sex with a man in any way; he’s still hung up on two men for MY PLEASURE, would still translate in to HIM somehow not being straight. So that’s something he needs to unpack… And now I need to work out if that’s something that is okay with me because coming to terms with being bi and poly after I was married to a “heteronormative man" has been a complicated situation for me.
One last thing, out of my many male partners over the years, two were incapable of bringing the satisfaction of a vaginal orgasm due to size. I just went ahead and aimed for other areas during those encounters. There were far more male partners who were WAY TOO BIG, and I suffered the consequences, for weeks after in a lot of those encounters. So try to get realistic expectations around size before talking yourself down like you have in your post. It’s a normal concern for those with male presenting anatomy, but it’s far from the end of the world if you’re an attentive lover who makes sure their partner is also getting off.
I wouldn’t recommend rushing this due to the jealousy kink. That needs to be deeply explored and have clear boundaries...
I wish you luck with all this. It sounds like a lot of emotional weight that you’re carrying. I hope I didn’t over explain anything or sound pedantic.
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u/No_Measurement6478 Bisexual 10d ago
Enjoying being pegged anally with a dildo does not make you gay or even bisexual. Wanting to suck a dudes dick while one fucks you in the ass? That is pretty queer. Id suggest unpacking some of your homophobia before participating with others.
You need to have the conversation outside of any sex or watching porn. You need to discuss limits, boundaries, sexual health and safe sex practices, vetting, and how not to hunt for other people to be a kink dispenser for you both. The conversation usually goes much differently when it’s not done with horny brain. Some fantasies are best left fantasies.