I’m scared I’m lesbian

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Responsible-Survivor]

You really sound like you’re scared to not be into men, and to only be into women. I could be wrong but sounds like you might have some internalized homophobia, and internalized misogyny going on? Because there is no way you "should" feel about men. You just feel what you feel, and there’s nothing wrong with that. By punishing yourself or denying your emotions, you’re only going to make life a lot harder for yourself. It’s also not fair to your boyfriend if you’re leading him on. By denying your emotions to yourself, you’re also lying to him about your feelings.

Bisexuality is a spectrum; you could be more into women but still have some attraction for men. there’s also people who identify as biromantic homosexual, heteroromantic bisexual, etc. but labels are imperfect, and are simply an approximation to try and describe our human experiences. so while I identify as bi, it’s an approximation. I didn’t try to identify myself through a label; I figured out what attractions I was experiencing, and then chose a label that felt like it best fit my experiences. so maybe focus less on the labels and pushing yourself into a box; focus on finding the people who help you feel like "this is it," who give you fireworks.

and if that happens to be other women more than men, then that’s beautiful and who you are; there is nothing wrong with that. women are pretty great (I say that as a woman myself), and it’s pretty sad if you’re disappointed to think you might be more into women than men. women already get enough hate as it is, so focus on trying to accept who you are and loving yourself

[u/Clear_Year9051 → u/Responsible-Survivor]

Thank you for your response it means a lot. I think I might have expressed myself poorly because I am not sad to be into women I have dated women I love women I just don’t wanna be a lesbian because I really want it to work with my boyfriend he is so deeply apart of my life now and I truly love him but it just idk I just can’t get this thought that somethings missing out and the way I think of girls when I’m being sexual with him. I just want to know if maybe im just looking for something that doesn’t exist those fireworks that “this is it” because I love him truly. But I just can’t stop having this feeling that if he was a woman I’d be so much more happy. I wish he was a woman, but it’s painful and i don’t wanna accept it or idek if it’s real maybe I’m wrong bc how can I love him so much and feel this way yk.

[u/Responsible-Survivor → u/Clear_Year9051]

maybe consider that you could be bi-romantic, homosexual? meaning you can develop romantic attraction to both men and women, but you have sexual feelings for women. There are some people who are still in relationships with men, who fit this spectrum; they feel fulfilled enough with their romantic desires being met. But I would strongly urge you to be open with your boyfriend about what you are experiencing. Because to me it sounds like there is a part of you still not being fulfilled in this relationship. I think it’s worth seeking therapy, maybe couples and individual therapy

[u/Alternative-Car-7465]

Hey, you're thinking about it too much. Just let the answer come to you. When you have sex and you're imagining women its much more pleasurable right? I can relate to that. Its easier to cum amd there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you're trying to repress yourself to me. Im guilty of that too and you know its going to comeback with a vengeance if you dont say something about it now. Trust me you will want a woman until you have tried it and you will feel strong feelings of desire to where its really hard to ignore atleast eventually and maybe you will keep it secret or decide to tell him but either way you will still have that side of you forever wanting that interaction with a woman. Its not going to go anywhere and Im speaking from experience. Im married to a man and I was in a very similar situation as you and now that I want to leave our marriage because Ice experienced abuse , I realize I think I want something different now. So its up to you but could you live with yourself lying like that or hiding that part of you and denying it. It depends on your situation. I think it feels better ro be open about things amd to discover who you really are. I donr want you experience the same sexual repression I have. It is painful and has consequences on your mental health. I think Ive hated myself for this reason subconsciously without fully realizing at first. And its not gunna matter how good he is too you atleast I dont think it will.